New Year's Day Talk 2025
On New Year’s Day last year, I read a section from the children’s story The Velveteen Rabbit and spoke about what it means to become real. When we practice living mindfully, we organically become more authentic and genuine, more real.
On that note, I’ll be honest right now and say that after all that went on for me in 2024, leading up to today, I have felt at a loss as to what to share with you as we start anew. Some of you have already heard me say that 2024 was one of my more difficult years. It was marked by challenge — loss, trauma around the loss, confusion, and a constant stream of stresses. It is hard to inspire others from that place. It was certainly not a “bad” year. I never call it that. There were many, many gifts in it. While I can say that I had courage and brought forward a lot of effort to tend to what kept presenting, I also failed through some of it, mostly in words, but sometimes in action.
Unfortunately, as you have probably experienced yourself, failures stick to us a bit more than successes do and so I am needing to work harder to see the full picture. So, how do I inspire from this place that is still raw and processing what went on? If I told you I already gained wisdom from these experiences, it would not be real. In time, I may have something useful to share about grief, about raising teenagers, about communicating better, about being a daughter, a sibling, a spouse, a friend, a teacher. But, for now, I am still digesting and learning and I feel very humbled by the past year and humbled to be before you today.
We come together whether it is here on New Year's Day or in our groups and meditations at the studio or online each week for a particular reason and that is to remember. We already know what we need to live well. We already know, inside, what we value. We already have many skills and tools to guide us. But we are all of the nature to forget. There are many forces at work to help us to forget, to pull us out of alignment with our true nature, with our inner wisdom. When we come together we are reminded of what we know and we realign. It helped me to remember that I don’t need to inspire you. But I can bring us together and we can remind each other by our presence and practice of what matters to us.
While my confidence in my ability to come from my highest place in the hardest moments has been rattled by this past year, one thing I know for sure and can confidently share is that mindfulness practice kept me sane and able to keep showing up as best I could. And so, it is with this one bit of clarity that I want to highlight three nuggets of practice that have helped me over the year. Though I may say these quite a bit in the groups and meditations I lead, they can be subtle and easy to miss, to forget and yet, I think they are rather profound.
The first one…
This fall, at the beginning of meditations, I started saying, “for this little while, you have an opportunity to do something different.” Meditation is not intended to be a time for us to let our thoughts run amok, but it is time to do something other than be carried away. We spend a tremendous portion of our day thinking about some other time, or in fantasy, or thinking about what we want, or what “should be,” rather than experiencing the very moment that we're in, as it is, as we are.
The statement, “for this little while, you have an opportunity to do something different,” is meant to wake us up and be intentional in choosing to put down what pulls us away and be here, now. It is a radical act.
Everything we do could be an opportunity to do something different. To not do the habitual, but to see everything afresh, anew, with curiosity, with equanimity. This is hard to do. Many things went on for me this year that I was unable to meet with equanimity or bring curiosity to, but at the very least, my meditation practice was a way to keep reminding myself to stop and get in touch again with what matters. We can begin again.
A New Year gives us that opportunity also. To not see it as just another year we are entering, but a unique year of our lives where we get to practice choosing how we meet whatever arises in it. To have a say in what we cultivate, what we create, what we maintain and how we maintain it. But we have to recognize it first – this is an opportunity. Each day is an opportunity. Each moment is an opportunity. Even my way of seeing the past year is an opportunity to see it with more awe, wonder, and curiosity. That’s the first nugget — we have an opportunity to do something different. My second nugget you’ll hear me say in meditation is, “only you can let yourself rest” or “only you can let yourself be at ease.” How many of you subconsciously think that someone is going to give you permission, as if someone else can allow you to let go, to be at ease and you’re waiting for that permission to come? Unfortunately, or fortunately, no one can do this for us. It has to be a choice we make to put things down – put down doing, getting places, rushing, planning, rehashing, perfectionism, blaming, consuming (all the things we can consume). Even then, when we do put things down, it is still up to us to let our physical tension go, to be at ease in our body. If I carry something heavy and put it down, but still clench my shoulders, my hands, my abdomen, then I have not yet put it down. This also is very radical. It is an act of self-kindness that we can strengthen when we meditate.
What this gets at is… Are you kind to yourself? And if you are not kind to yourself, are you looking for it outside of you? As if someone else can give it to you? While we need the kindness of others, if we can’t give it to ourselves, we will always be searching outside of ourselves. It is a hard feeling to always be searching. Every time we meditate, we have an opportunity to practice self-kindness.
Nuggets 1 and 2 – this moment is an opportunity to do something different and only we can let ourselves rest and be at ease.
This brings me to the 3rd notion I have been emphasizing that very much goes with the last one. As we scan the body at the beginning of meditation, I will often suggest allowing yourself to be soft and open in your body. You can try it right now, to meet this moment not contracted, hardened, tight with judgment, defensive, ready for a fight. But to let yourself have a soft belly, an easy ribcage, a relaxed chest, open face, soft eyes.
Do you know when you meet someone with an openness about them – you can see it in their face, in their eyes, in their voice? It's a beautiful thing. We can all be like that. There is a lot in life that causes us to close off. What I find is that in meditation, I become aware that I have armoured up again, and again, I can choose to take it off. It’s okay to armour up in moments, but we don’t have to stay with that heavy metal on. Over time, we grow in the ability to leave the armour off for longer periods of time. We are more effective, more loving, more understanding, we communicate better if we are present, open, unarmoured.
My invitation this year is to keep coming together so that we can help each other remember that each moment is an opportunity, that we can choose to be more at ease, to rest, to be soft, open and kind. We can cultivate this for ourselves and for the benefit of all beings. The world needs us to do this. Life feels better this way. |
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