Effortful or Effortless Presence?

"You don't have to work hard to be present."  I shared this line in a group one day and it caught someone's attention. Something about hearing it was a relief. I then realized that the opposite could also be true -- that it does take a lot of effort to be present. It takes a certain kind of energy to stay right here with whatever we may be doing. We explored the subject in A Mindful Life group and arrived at many of the ways presence takes energy and steadfastness, as well as how presence is about letting go and releasing control. They are both true. Below are  some of the things that we arrived at. In listing them, I am finding them to be  helpful reminders. I invite you to try them on, too. Take a breath we each one and see how they feel as you name them.

Presence can become effortless when:

• we stop trying to be something other than we are
• we let ourselves slow down and be still
• we stop leaning ahead into what the other might say or do so that we can be ready with the "right" response
• we stop resisting what is and allow what's here  
• we let go of arriving somewhere/of expectations
• we trust in others' goodness and intrinsic wisdom 
• we let go of judgement and criticism (those take a lot of effort!)
• we listen and only listen when we do
• we choose to release physical effort/contraction (habitual tension)
• we breathe more fully
• we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, make mistakes, be imperfect
• we recall our interdependence with everything when fear comes to visit 

This is a nice time of year to practice using less effort. This week, how might you allow yourself this gift of relaxing into presence? It requires us to receive and not to strive and grasp. It requires us to let go and trust that we won't be separated and that we will always be filled. What would that look like to you? When I try it on, I think of walking with a softer foot fall, using a lighter touch, listening without working on a response at the same time, following my breathing whenever I think of it; letting others in without fear because I trust in myself and the goodness of others.

Wishing you a week of easy presence and much joy.

🌻
Jean

P.S. I'm going to offer another Beginning Meditation Series in August if you want to learn the basics before the fall begins so that you can enter it with tools you can use. If you are interested, I need 5 to make it happen, so please register now so we can make it happen for you!

What Would Make This Easy?

With their tall stalks and giant, happy faces, sunflowers radiate joy to me. I've never grown them, but apparently they are one of the easiest flowers to grow. I think of Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh's meditation that offers the line, "I see myself as a flower, I feel fresh." Maybe it's because of their size that they come to mind when I hear the phrase. It's as if I am looking at another face, especially since I am short and they can be at my eye level. Often their heavy heads droop from the weight, but they don't seem to mind. I wish I could be that way. When we don't feel "fresh as a flower," what can we do?

What I do is ask questions. In my morning journaling practice today, I sat with a challenge before me and I thought if I were a client of mine and they presented this issue, what would I ask? The question that came was, "what would make this easy?" I started writing on the prompt and it was as if the floodgates opened allowing all kinds of ideas to flow that I didn't know I knew.

Sometimes this is all we need to do. Ask ourselves a question, one that steps out of the mire of details and circumstance and has us think bigger. The question isn't how can I change this, or fix this, or why is this here? The question is how I can find ease in this issue just as it is. The wording has more acceptance or allowance for whatever is present and invites us to get curious about how we can meet it that would feel better to us. 

This week's invitation is to take something that is weighing on you, or presenting you with a challenge, and ask, "what would make this easy?" You might be surprised at what insights come. If you're not someone who journals, find a private space and ask it aloud to yourself and answer aloud. Keep the refrain going...what would make this easy is...Name them slowly as they come. And add a "yes," after each one... "yes, that would make it easier." When you have some clear understandings, how does it feel to take them in -- to know that you do, in fact, know what is needed? Does your energy around the issue feel any different in your body?

We have more wisdom than we often realize if we just slow down to ask ourselves the question that accesses it. If we take that time to listen, the answers will bloom as easily as sunflowers grow. I wish you all a week of ease.

🌻
Jean

P.S. Listening to ourselves is a practice. I welcome you to nurture that practice in my weekly mindfulness groups and workshops. If you need help finding the question for something specific, I offer private mindfulness consultations where we can invite your wisdom to emerge.