Shifting Out Of Difficulty

 

At the end of a group session last week, a wise member said, "this is all great, but it only works if we do it." I couldn't agree more. It's true of everything we learn about living a mindful life. We ultimately have to do it. As another community member said, it takes will. I think we have to get to the place in our lives where that's what we truly want. We can't make it be there, but we can water it and the more we do, the more we realize that there is no turning back. To turn back would be to turn away from being present to this "one wild and precious life," as Mary Oliver so beautifully said. It would be to turn back to drama and the perpetuation of suffering. It would be to ignore our interconnection to each other and the earth. It would be to fall back asleep.

This week I want to share with you some questions we can ask ourselves to help us in any moment of difficulty to move toward a lighter place. In order for these questions to be beneficial we first need to allow ourselves to feel the pain or difficulty and meet ourselves with kind and compassionate energy. From there we can then ask these questions to create a shift. You can apply one or all of them. I find them helpful to either talk aloud or to journal on.

• What are some possible upsides or positive outcomes of this that I have not been seeing yet? (This requires us to step back and into our higher/wiser self).

• What else is true about this that could bring goodness? Most likely I have only been seeing in a limited way and not all of what is true. For example, "he said something that I don't like, but that doesn't negate all these other good things he's said and done."

• What can I be grateful for in this situation given that it is here? To do this first requires accepting the situation as it is, not as we want it to be. 

• This hardship may be here, but what else is here this day/week/month/year that has brought me joy? Doing this, we recognize that this one thing is not "all of me."

• Visualizing good moments from the past – call up the specific place, sensations, feelings and revisit the moment to water joy when our tank feels low. Not to escape, but to replenish and be reminded that there is more than this hardship.

Facing anything difficult this week? Give these a try and let me know how it goes.  These won't bring immediate joy, but they shift us from a place of negativity to more possibility and openness. Remember, "it only works if we do it."

🍁
Jean 

Making It Real

 

The more time I spend in this vocation of teaching and facilitating meditation and mindfulness, the more I am feeling the deep desire to make it more real -- by that I mean to put it to work more consciously, more of the time. To read about living a mindful life can be inspiring and there is value to it because we need reminders, but its true value is in how it effects the way we live -- how we think, speak, and act. We only find this out if we practice it and then apply it. Meditation instruction is only useful when we sit down and meditate. Mindful listening or speech is only helpful if we apply it to our everyday conversations. Mindful consumption is only beneficial if we make choices right now with awareness. Joy only comes when we see the good and take it in and be aware of the endless desire to have the next thing filled. How do we do this? I mean how do we really do this mindful living?

There is only one way -- we make choices throughout the day to do it. Of course, not every single thing we think, say, or do is going to be mindful, but unless we make some inner commitment to apply it, we won't see our habitual reactivity change. To practice it, we need to choose the places, people, moments where we are going to be more conscious. It's a question of waking up. We have to want to do it. It's one of the reasons I made A Mindful Life -- groups where we do interact and we try on non-habitual ways of listening, speaking, and acting. To meditate by ourselves is not enough. To bring the concepts to life, we need to do just that -- bring it to the life we have with others. It can be uncomfortable and it takes vulnerability. It takes recommitting to it every day and allowing ourselves to begin again, more often than not. There is no one thing that is going to suddenly make us mindful, no book, podcast, talk, retreat, rather it is our dedication in applying the tools everyday that does it. 

At this point in my life, mindful consumption feels easier; letting go of tension in my body feels easier; being able to drop into the present moment feels easier; being still is easy, and I know those didn't just come, but took practice. The practice that feels like the biggest challenge now is communicating mindfully. More often than I'd like to admit, I find myself saying the thing I wished I hadn't, especially to those closest to me -- reacting habitually when my emotions are heightened. I am aware that only I can make that change and if I want to, which I really do, then I have to bring more conscious attention to each moment when I am interacting. It's just like exercise. Thinking about exercising or having knowledge does little. It's in the act of doing it that makes it useful. It also requires letting ourselves fail again and again, forgive, and begin again.

My message this week, to myself and to anyone who finds it helpful, is to make a commitment to some aspect of living mindfully and make it real by doing it. Rather than generalized mindfulness, we can get specific. What might that look like? Here are some ideas. You can choose them all, or pick one for the week and add on another next week. Don't look for perfect, but do it. 

~ At the start of the day, meditate. It doesn't matter if you only have 5 minutes. Spend those minutes in concentrated practice. Be still, quiet, and stop doing.

~ Think through the people you are likely to interact with today and decide that you want to listen more, or let there be more silences and pauses before speaking and responding. Choose one conversation if that helps. Water those seeds one conversation at a time.

~ Check in with yourself as you consume anything through your mouth, your ears, your eyes, your skin. Is it nourishing? If it isn't, what choice could you make? Even if you are in midstream, you can change your mind. How empowering is that! 

~ Try doing something in your day at a slower pace than you may normally do it. Feel yourself breathing as you do it.

~ Tune into your body at different moments of the day and see where you are holding more tension or using more effort than you need in that moment and let go what you can.

~ Take micro-moments of being present here and now sensing yourself in the moment -- hearing, seeing, touching, feeling the moment just as it is, just as you are. Small moments where you are not somewhere else in your mind.

We are what we think, say, and do. What do you choose to do today so you can be the person you want to be? Not to improve yourself, or to be perfect, but to live in a way that makes you feel as beautiful as you are.