I started this reflection a month ago and my routines got thrown off by some unexpected fast moving changes of which I will share more soon. I found I didn't have the mental, emotional or physical space to write and my boss gave me permission to let it go. 😁 I am happy to be back with you this week.
Why is it so hard to let ourselves feel something uncomfortable? It seems obvious. Who wants to be uncomfortable? Nobody. And yet, we can't get through life without feeling it -- on a regular basis at that. That's simply because things change and nothing stays the same (except maybe plastic). But the feelings aren't the hard part. It's avoiding them that causes the most suffering. To feel something uncomfortable is rather straightforward. It's everything else we do to it that makes it worse.
It's amazing just how hard we try to avoid feeling something unpleasant, even hearing someone else's unpleasantries. We try to fix it, numb it, downplay it, blame it on something, or avoid it. If there is anything I wish to pass on to my teenagers it's how to cope with unpleasant feelings without needing to take something or act out in a way that causes harm. I feel like I'm in an uphill battle. Self-medicating is more the norm than not. Instant hits of relief, distraction, and quick doses of dopamine can temporarily pick us up, but they are, as a contractor recently said to me, just like putting lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig. And there is nothing wrong with pigs!
It sometimes feels lonely living in a way that allows a pig to be a pig. No lipstick. Letting it roll in the mud, hearing it snort or squeal and not trying to make it other than what it is. Other people don't want us to be pigs either. We share something hard and they try to fix us rather than empathize. I know I catch myself doing it with those closest to me. I remind myself that it's okay to be in the mud without being fixed and it's okay to be in a state of flow and ease without being a source of envy. We can let pigs be pigs and flowers be flowers and experience them all just as they are.
It's not the hard feeling that's the problem. It never is. It's our reaction to the feeling. So that tells us right there what the solution is! Just feel the feeling. It's unpleasant and that's ok. It feels like this right now. In A Mindful Life, we started the spring segment on the subject of meeting what's here with equanimity (without judging things as good or bad or in any binary way, without attaching or pushing away, etc.) It's not so easy because we are human. We have likes and dislikes and we want to stay comfortable. But what if true happiness was found in letting ourselves simply feel what we feel without adding judgments on top and without rushing in to act? Why not try? Meditation teaches us how. We sit and stay with what arises and we notice when we get pulled away and we try again. We sit and stay and notice the constant flow of likes and dislikes and we aren't swayed by them.
My invitation this week is to let pigs be pigs and flowers be flowers and flow between them both simply as experiences without grasping or pushing away. In doing so, we flow more smoothly with what life is presenting. It's just easier. Is there something hard on your plate right now? Can you let it be hard? Can you feel what it's like in your body to experience this and breathe with it there? Can you let yourself be in the unknown of what happens next?
🧘🏽♂️🌼
Jean
