What Thanksgiving Really Looks Like

More than any other holiday, Thanksgiving has always made sense to me. Having as its main purpose a gathering around a meal and being thankful with no gifts exchanged, no baskets of candy to make, no specific person to celebrate, no imaginary figure to create stories around, just a meal together and gratefulness sounds like a perfect holiday. Well...in theory, this is my kind of holiday. But, we all know the reality is slightly different than our ideals. There's the challenge of who, what, where and, my gosh, if you're doing the entertaining, there's the drama over the home being ready, the food getting made, the last minute running out to crowded stores for one missing ingredient, and there's inevitably someone who gets sick. Or, if you're the guest, there's the tension you feel at the house you're visiting as they've been stressed all morning getting ready, or there's the wondering how long you'll stay, or the traffic, or the struggle of getting your own kids dressed and out the door. And, of course, there are the kids you see that are not your own that you wish would be disciplined the way you think they should be. There are the adults who don't get along. There are the snide comments, unwanted advice (also known as criticism), passive aggressive behavior or full out flying of hurtful words or maybe even a flying pie. One recent year, my niece calmly came into the dining room where all of us had sat down and when I asked if everything was okay in the kitchen, hearing the usual  shouting from behind the door, she replied, "oh, there's just a small fire in there." When the day is done, even if it went without flying pies and fires, and you've eaten too much, you wonder what happened to the thankful part, where was its place in the day? Something was missing.

My holiday this year has its own endearing bizarreness. If I were to tell you, you'd likely nod in agreement. There's nothing typical about it and I can't picture it actually playing out. Yet, it will happen and we will all survive, probably laughing in some moments and maybe squirming through others. This is what I've come to accept...all of this craziness is part of the holiday. There's no point resisting it, in fact, I might do better to welcome it. And here's my bigger thought about it... I can shrink into a small self as I think about what needs of mine might not get met or I can be the person I admire and show up and share my voice simply by reflecting the ideal of the day. What if throughout the day, I notice all of the gifts to myself. I can take in the sun or the snow or the sound of the rain. I can taste the food I eat and not just get it down. I can say an internal thanks for whoever cooked the food and for everything that made it possible to be on the plate in front of me. I can look around the room and see others' smiles in conversations I am not a part of. I can see my kids' excitement at the fact that this group of people they love has come together. They don't care about our quirks and flaws. I can walk slowly and enjoy the in-between moments of going from here to there. I can remember that we are all people doing the best we can and that we all want to feel good. It is up to me to recognize the gifts, regardless of the drama around me. It doesn't take much. One person in a group who takes a moment to share something heartfelt can change the whole feeling, even if briefly. That takes courage. I hope I can find it. I don't know, yet, what I can pull off on this particular Thanksgiving that might remind me of what matters or that might resonate with others, but I will try. What else is there to do? It is my favorite holiday and if I want it to be all that, I know that I need to show up for it. And, if I manage to show up the way I want to and I still need to cry in the end out of the exhaustion and strength it took, or if I didn't manage to do what I wished I could, but the intention was there, I will still give a deep bow to myself in gratitude, ending the day on its main note, in thanks.