When it comes to your body,
how do you regard yourself? I am often reflecting on the value of handling
ourselves with kindness and responding to our inner voices with a gentle,
benevolent attitude, but there is a place where the very words we choose and
the attitude we take has an impact that might not be so readily apparent. We
were born here on earth in the form of a physical body. And yet, we talk about
our body as if “it” does something to us, or “it” fails us, or “it” hurts. We
bring "it" to a doctor hoping to get "it" fixed as we would a car to a mechanic,
but the problem is that we don’t actually work that way. I have been witnessing
people’s physical struggles and am realizing that I can play a greater part in
relaying a whole picture of what I’ve learned about health and why it matters. I
hope this post will not only give insight into what I do in my work, which
centers around health -- physical, emotional and mental health, but will also
open the door to ways of seeing, questioning, and being with the amazing
reality that we exist here in a physical form and how we might want to go about
it.
I remember when my father was
in the hospital struggling with lung cancer, there were times where some count
was low. It might have been platelets, or white blood cells, or potassium and
one deficiency would cause another reaction or failure. It was the first time I
got an unshakable understanding that our body works as a whole system and
depends on all of its parts functioning together. And, if I think about why he
had lung cancer and what was behind his habit of smoking, the emotional and
mental come blaring to the forefront. In other cases, I have seen how untended
to stress and tension, built up over long periods of time, culminated in tense
abdominal and pelvic floor muscles that then wreaked havoc on the digestive
system and a potential physical collapse throughout the body. The lesson I’ve
learned in witnessing physical struggle is that to maintain good health, we
need to be mindful on many levels and we need to stop regarding our bodies as
if they do something to us.
We do not get better,
improve, feel good by addressing the physical, the mental or emotional as
separate and unrelated. And, we need to remind ourselves that our thoughts and
emotions play just as large a role in how we feel physically as do our lungs or
big toes. When we approach ourselves with that understanding, if we have pain
in our back, we don’t say, “I don’t know what’s wrong with it; I want it to go
away” rather we say, “I’m feeling pain in my back and I’m not sure what I need
to feel better; I wonder what the pain is trying to say and what I need.” The
difference is greater than the words alone might suggest. When we regard
ourselves with this kind of inquiry and care, we are paying attention; we are
taking responsibility; we are being kind; we are listening. From this space,
real lasting change happens. The alternative wants a quick fix, a pill, a
procedure, an answer. There’s no learning, growth, or true healing in that approach
and more likely than not, the issue will return. This sense of separation shows
itself in our attitudes about exercising or eating well. They feel like something we “should” do
for our body. But, if we could listen to why it might be hard to make a change
in nutrition or physical activity, we might learn more about what is really in
the way and have a greater possibility for change. Again, as I am often coming
back to, when we look at fear, it becomes less scary.
In my own life, I remember
being transformed when I went to a skilled physical therapist who specializes
in Feldenkrais Method work. I went in for back pain. I was chronically sore and
tight and finally in exasperation that I was not improving I said, “I am
working so hard to get better!” In
response, he said, “maybe you don’t need to work hard, maybe you need to do
less.” I have not forgotten those words. Something shifted in me in hearing
them. I started to let go of controlling how I’d get better and in doing so, I
softened, physically and mentally. It spilled over into all areas of my life. I
recognized how hard I had been working in all ways. Partly it had to do with
his touch and direction, partly it had to do with his words, partly it had to
do with our relating. The process
changed me over time and even beyond the time I worked with him. That is what
true healing looks like and it is not something to be rushed or even attained.
Healing is growing and we have a choice to keep growing throughout our life.
Knowing that we have the amazing
capacity to transform ourselves and that maintaining good health requires a
multi-layered approach is the reason why I do the work I do, in all the forms I
do it. I teach meditation; I use touch to help people let go; I guide people to
see what they do in posture and movement; I inquire about feelings in the body
and where they are stored so they can be acknowledged and transformed in that
process; I ask people to stay with themselves just as they are and not run from
what appears to be uncomfortable; I make visible what is well; I listen; and I
am solid in my presence and in the trust of that relationship alone there is
healing. It is not always obvious; it is not necessarily a quick fix, though it
could be. The healing is in the process.
What we as therapists,
healers, teachers can do is create a space for this kind of attention and guide
clients with compassion, presence, and hopefully with a new perspective. The
most important information and discovery comes from the client herself. We have
wisdom built in. Sometimes we just need to remember where the key to the door
that holds it is. When we stop regarding our bodies as things we are in, we
have opened that door and we begin living with deeper insight, more compassion
and understanding. A whole new world awaits there. Life is no longer happening
to us. We are living fully and suddenly self-care has a new and more
significant meaning.
- Regard your whole self with kindness.
- Give compassionate attention to what your body is saying and be willing to ask and listen.
- Remember when your mind is busy with thoughts and feelings to come down into your body and tend to how they feel on a physical level. From there, you may find clarity.
- Get support from a person or a group you trust. It is not a luxury as it pays itself off in much greater and lasting ways over time.
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