Letting It Be Unclear

I awoke on a snowy morning with my kids' school canceled and my day's plans scattered. It felt as if I took the things I had and wanted to do in my hand and gracefully threw them up in the air unsure of how they were going to fall. I sat with my tea in my hand sure of only one thing, a phone appointment at 10:00. I called the super to find out if the scheduled shut down of water for the day was still happening and was relieved to find that it was postponed. Besides being alive, healthy, and safe and besides the beauty of the white everywhere outside my window, it was one of  the first gifts of the day. Now I was sure of two things, but the rest felt vague and I still felt a mild uneasiness. What time was I to get my children from their other parent's home? Was it okay that it waited until after my call? Is it okay with me that I wouldn't get my work done?  With that, there was another looming uneasiness. It was that pending phone call and a relationship that needed to be discussed. I held my warm cup of tea, still foggy from some vivid dreams, when it occurred to me that sometimes this place where matters in life, from the mundane to the more significant, lack clarity and feel unsettling is okay, too. That I don't need to fix it or know how it is going to turn out. That this place is no better than the days when the outline of events goes as planned or my relationships are in their satisfying place. I can breathe in and out and let it be. Someone wise once said to me about a situation, "let it be a mess; can you let it be a mess and not think you have to do anything." This day is not a mess, but the same wisdom can be applied. In fact, I can not only accept the unclarity, but, I can actually enjoy it, too, as another feeling amidst all the other ones that will come and go. And, they will come and go and come again. There is a comfort and safety in remembering that this place is just fine and beautiful as it is.