If You Could See What I See On The Subway

I was on the A train going downtown on my morning commute today when I found myself doing this thing I do from time to time. I looked at the people sitting on the train and turned them into their kid selves. I imagined what they would look like as 4-6 year olds. I don't know if it is because I have kids or what, but I can picture these strangers of all ethnicities in their childhood suits easily. I immediately start smiling at the picture before me. These people have no idea that I am thinking or even seeing them on the train. I am the only one in on the secret, but gosh, if they could see what I see, they would likely smile, too.

I didn't realize, in the moment, why I had launched into this mind game this morning, but in retrospect, I am aware of the unconscious self-help that was going on. There I was at Penn Station feeling a need for something. I felt a longing and a vague sense that, in some way, I was not okay. It wasn't an awful feeling or a big struggle by any means, but was present enough for me to be aware of it. I walked through Penn Station with my headphones on, with this unfulfilled feeling, my eyes scanning the crowded busyness of people going in all directions. I was taking in the world and seeing details of interactions, as if in slow motion, with my private soundscape playing. I was both in the scene and removed from it. It's like having too much to drink, except it is so much better, because I'm in control. It was when I actually got on the subway that I realized I didn't need to shut the world out just because I was needing something, in fact, it's always better to let people in. So I did by looking at people's faces and seeing their vulnerable, human selves. That's when the kid game began. In finding the child in the serious faces of these adults, I could see others' vulnerabilities and be in touch with my own. It filled me with compassion and warmth for this human endeavor we are all on. I felt so much better. I walked out of the West 4th Street subway and walked with a more open and gentle sense in my body. The world became so much larger than me, which is what it really is.

The next time you are stuck in a feeling, would join me in this game? It might be that transforming who you see into their childhood selves might transform you, too. Please let me know if it does!