Permission Slips

When we were little, we needed permission slips signed by our parents to go on field trips, or to stay late, or, as I received yesterday, to take a classroom guppy home. I'm not little and I'm not in school anymore, but lately, I'm wishing that as adults we could have permission slips signed by someone on our behalf. I'm imagining setting up a booth at Union Square where people could tell me what they needed permission to do. I could fill in the blank on a yellow slip of paper and sign it and the person could go on her merry way. No, I'm not talking about permission to buy car, or eat a third cupcake, or move to a tropical island, though those are all possible. It's the deeper and much more subtle internal requests that come knocking at our doors that need our blessing. Most of the time, I think we don't even know that we need to offer it. But, more and more, I am starting to believe that we do, in fact, need a permission slip signed.

The subject began when I found myself repeatedly asking my clients as they laid down to give themselves permission to let their weight fall into the table, that they didn't have to support themselves for the next hour. I ask them to acknowledge to themselves that they can let go. What I am seeking is their own permission because without it, we are running uphill from the start. And it's okay to run uphill, to not have permission, as long as we know that is what we are doing, and then we can work with that "no," which is the real issue. But, if we do get a "yes," the road is going to be smoother and we can get further than if we never asked.

So that's how it began, but it prompted me to think about the things I want and whether or not I give myself permission to receive them or even to want them. This might sound insignificant on the surface, but I believe it is huge. How can we possibly have what we want if we don't first give ourselves permission to receive? Without permission, we might actually get what we want or it might be staring us in the face, but we never feel we "have" it because that "yes" from ourselves was missing. The "yes" opens us up to it.

This week, for example, I am feeling a deep need to be inspired by someone. Not by nature or a thing, but by a person. I can ask myself, "Jean, do you have permission to be inspired by another person right now?" It seems simplistic, but when I truly ask myself out loud, it becomes more real and has an essential gravity to it. I am asking for something from my heart and granting it a big "yes." I do have permission to be inspired by another human being. I am much more likely to find that person because I have acknowledged the need and that I am worthy of whatever it is, and I can open my eyes and heart to discovering this person. If I want love in my life, for example, I need to ask, "hey Jean, do you have permission to be loved?" It's no small question. Try it. Ask yourself out loud right now if you have permission to be loved. What does it make you feel to be asked? Some part of me says "wow, do I?" Then, comes a response of "yes," and the significance of those three letters is that they open my heart to receiving. Or maybe I sense a tentativeness behind the yes and that becomes something to be aware of. What part of me doesn't think so? On other weeks it could be more prosperity in my work I want, or more ease in my day, or simply the chance to read a novel in a coffee shop. What I know now is that until I have my own permission, I can't possibly get what I want. If I offered permission to myself more often, I might actually be full.

How many of us know the experience of being so busy and of having too much on our plates for too long and then we find ourselves on vacation or a day off and we can't relax. We don't know how. Something feels disappointing in it. It's because we haven't gotten that permission slip signed yet. How about we decide to start mindfully asking and listening? We can ask ourselves throughout the day or week all kinds of things. Do I have permission to put the things I have to do on a shelf for one hour and let myself rest? Can I let this willing person take care of me? Do I have permission to want more from this relationship, job, experience? Do I have permission to not feel well? That's a really tough one. Whenever we feel a need or want arise, we can pause in the seeking and remember to first see if we are allowed to have it. I am learning not to assume it is automatically there. There is great awareness that happens in that moment of pausing and checking in with ourselves.

Asking for permission is ultimately asking if I can let myself receive. We receive with open palms and arms, chest exposed, with some cleared space in our minds to take in what we are inviting. When the request is genuine and when the gift is received with gratitude, not expectation, it is a vulnerable stance we take. It must be soft. If we are hardened, it bounces right off us. And to be vulnerable, we must let go of control, to be willing to not know what comes after the asking. We don't know what will happen, but we are willing to see. This is not such an easy thing to do, but when we practice it, the world opens up in a beautiful way. So to receive, we need permission and it's often closer than we realize. But, when you can't find it, as we sometimes can't, look for me around Union Square. I'll gladly give you my signature until yours comes available.