Time & Space Are Always Available

 

This is the last Mindful Pause of 2022! One of the big realizations I had in reviewing my past year is that I have a lot more space in my life. A number of factors go into that. My kids are no longer little and don't need me in the same kinds of ways they used to. I no longer have my massage therapy practice and though I lead more groups, it leaves a handful of open hours in the week. The pandemic also made a seismic shift in reducing the pull to run around at the pace I used to. This was one of the upsides of it all -- it occurred to so many of us that we just don't need to be on the go so much. Thank goodness. Something feels simpler, but is it actually doing less that caused this? I'm beginning to understand that it might not be a matter of how much is in my schedule, rather how much is in my mind (and what is in my mind).

Space, quiet, and time are available right here, right now. When we choose to stay in the present moment more often, we find that the space we tend to be longing for is already here. We don't have to wait until we get on vacation, or get to a spa, to feel like we have time, space, and a chance at inner quiet. How do I know that to be true? All I need to do is take a period of meditation to see how it works.

Let's say we are practicing 15 minutes of meditation. We're following our breath and continually letting go of thoughts once we realize we have gotten swept up into them. What gradually happens is that our mind begins to rest from all its usual  busyness. We start to find micro-moments of space, of quiet, between our thoughts. It could just be seconds here and there that add up. It's not about stopping our thoughts altogether (if you can you probably wouldn't be reading this email and I might not be writing it), rather we rest a bit more as we stop reacting so quickly to every thought, feeling, and sensation that arises. This is what we find when we are committed to our practice.

Let's say we take the same 15 minutes of intended practice and we start writing our to do lists, planning dinner, replaying yesterday's conversation, with one thought leading to another, and we don't try to come back to the present. The same 15 minute sit, even though we became still and verbally quiet, doesn't feel the same. We feel busy and as if we did even more in our day. In fact, we did. We thought intensely for 15 minutes which is no different than physically running around. We might as well have run around and gotten things done! Or suppose we are driving a car and while we drive we are also planning, replaying, analyzing, etc. We are expending more effort, constricting the spaciousness of the moment by filling our minds at the same time. Of course we feel there is no time. Of course we feel tired.

So how do we create more spaciousness in our lives? We let our mind rest on what we are doing. If we are following our breath and being still in meditation, we just do that and when our mind wanders, we start again without judgement. Even just one moment in a 15 minute sit where we remember to let go and breathe makes a difference. It's not just in meditation. Meditation is simply the practice for being present in the rest of life. If we are making dinner, we just make dinner. If we are working, we just work on the task at hand. If we are listening to someone, we just listen. If we live like this, there is space. We don't have to run to some island or some retreat on a mountain. Don't get me wrong, tropical islands and mountain retreats are very nice, but they're not the primary answer to feeling relaxed and spacious in life.

So if you want more time. More ease. More quiet. More space in your life in 2023. Let your mind rest in the present. Driving from here to there, stop planning and see the blue sky. Putting the dishes away, stop worrying about the what-ifs and enjoy making space. Taking a shower, let go of that conversation that already happened and enjoy the warm water. Space is right here. No matter how full our schedule, we can simply do what we do as we do it and not rush to get to the next thing.

I'm aware that I am writing this at what often feels like a very busy time of the year. But that makes it even more clear. We always get to choose to create inner space and quiet.

Wishing a Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas to all of you who are celebrating this week. May your holidays feel spacious, light, and joyful.

🙏🌻

Jean 

Reflecting & Honoring

 

Yesterday, I began my yearly review.  At first, when I sat down, I felt that initial overwhelm. Despite doing this for years, I was not sure how to start or how to get through it. I took a breath, chose one area of my life, and went through my calendar. Suddenly it was all flowing. I wrote down all of my experiences over the past almost 12 months, along with the key words of what it took to do and/or what it brought me having gone through them. I revisited what was pleasant (the full return of my groups!) and what was unpleasant (an audit was in that mix) and everything in between. Every year the process strikes me with the same amount of awe. Wow, we humans go through a lot in a single year! Even if, at first, it feels daunting, I am always grateful I did the work of reflecting so thoroughly. It is a deeply life-honoring process.

This year I was aware of something that I often take for granted when I undertake this task. I realize that I see all of my experiences as valuable and worth reflecting on, even when I am dished something unsavory. I'm told that this isn't what everyone does. So much of this ability has come from years of mindfulness practice. I don't label any of my experiences as "bad." If I am writing about them as past experiences, it means that I got through it. "I'm still standing" as Elton John says. Not only am I still standing, but I have likely learned something in the process and I enjoy seeing what it is. This is what it means to be resilient, but it's also a way of seeing life in general. I don't think I was wired this way. So much of it was learned in my adults years.

I thought it could be helpful to name some of the mindfulness concepts that allow us to reflect on the large variety of experiences we go through without getting caught by the hard ones or overly attached to the nice ones. Whether you do a year review or not, practicing these principles can help make this every changing life more easy to ride. 

• Accepting that suffering is a part of life -- have no expectation that we "should not" suffer. Expect hard things to be on our yearly list. Joy is also a part of life and we can train ourselves to take in more of it.
• Recognizing that all things change. What feels pleasant and what feels unpleasant will change. We can name them and flow with them all.
• Remembering that we can't have one side without the other. In order to have right, we must have left. In order for there to be light, we must know dark. Everything belongs.
• All things are complex in that they are influenced by many other interconnecting factors and conditions that are also constantly changing. Rather than see things in black/white, we can choose to see with a broader, more open perspective, willing to allow for what we don't know and for the complexity of things. It's an easier way to go through life rather than cling to our narrow perspectives.
• Trusting that what we don't understand now will get more clear in time and not necessarily in the timeframe we would like. 
• Knowing, from all these years of experience, that we are always learning from our losses, failures, and mistakes and sometimes growth comes simply in learning to accept, to let go, to be reminded to appreciate the gifts we have now because they are impermanent.
• Relying on our training to be able to feel any feeling without needing to do something. The practice of staying and experiencing without rushing in is a powerful one. This allows us to review what went on and feel the feelings of certain events again and not get lost in them.
• Choosing to come from love, kindness, and compassion and know therein lies our power. No matter what happens on the outside, the inside is ours. No matter what went on in a year, we can always stay connected to what we value and let it guide us. 

Some people may ask, "isn't the practice of mindfulness and meditation about being in the present moment?" Purposeful reflection is very different than unconscious ruminating, rehashing, or getting stuck in the past. It's intentional, not something that takes us away. It gives us perspective -- the opportunity to step back and see what we probably couldn't see when we were in the middle of it and to grow in awareness, appreciation, and insight.

This week's pause is a simple reminder that only you can honor the fullness of your experiences. No one else can do it for you. Unless you receive an award or someone throws you a big bash and makes a speech about you, only you can give yourself that tribute. Take time in your day, week, month, or year and note all that your endured, created, celebrated, changed, let go, learned, started, completed, etc. All of it! Your life is worth honoring.

🙏🌻

Jean