Reflecting & Honoring

 

Yesterday, I began my yearly review.  At first, when I sat down, I felt that initial overwhelm. Despite doing this for years, I was not sure how to start or how to get through it. I took a breath, chose one area of my life, and went through my calendar. Suddenly it was all flowing. I wrote down all of my experiences over the past almost 12 months, along with the key words of what it took to do and/or what it brought me having gone through them. I revisited what was pleasant (the full return of my groups!) and what was unpleasant (an audit was in that mix) and everything in between. Every year the process strikes me with the same amount of awe. Wow, we humans go through a lot in a single year! Even if, at first, it feels daunting, I am always grateful I did the work of reflecting so thoroughly. It is a deeply life-honoring process.

This year I was aware of something that I often take for granted when I undertake this task. I realize that I see all of my experiences as valuable and worth reflecting on, even when I am dished something unsavory. I'm told that this isn't what everyone does. So much of this ability has come from years of mindfulness practice. I don't label any of my experiences as "bad." If I am writing about them as past experiences, it means that I got through it. "I'm still standing" as Elton John says. Not only am I still standing, but I have likely learned something in the process and I enjoy seeing what it is. This is what it means to be resilient, but it's also a way of seeing life in general. I don't think I was wired this way. So much of it was learned in my adults years.

I thought it could be helpful to name some of the mindfulness concepts that allow us to reflect on the large variety of experiences we go through without getting caught by the hard ones or overly attached to the nice ones. Whether you do a year review or not, practicing these principles can help make this every changing life more easy to ride. 

• Accepting that suffering is a part of life -- have no expectation that we "should not" suffer. Expect hard things to be on our yearly list. Joy is also a part of life and we can train ourselves to take in more of it.
• Recognizing that all things change. What feels pleasant and what feels unpleasant will change. We can name them and flow with them all.
• Remembering that we can't have one side without the other. In order to have right, we must have left. In order for there to be light, we must know dark. Everything belongs.
• All things are complex in that they are influenced by many other interconnecting factors and conditions that are also constantly changing. Rather than see things in black/white, we can choose to see with a broader, more open perspective, willing to allow for what we don't know and for the complexity of things. It's an easier way to go through life rather than cling to our narrow perspectives.
• Trusting that what we don't understand now will get more clear in time and not necessarily in the timeframe we would like. 
• Knowing, from all these years of experience, that we are always learning from our losses, failures, and mistakes and sometimes growth comes simply in learning to accept, to let go, to be reminded to appreciate the gifts we have now because they are impermanent.
• Relying on our training to be able to feel any feeling without needing to do something. The practice of staying and experiencing without rushing in is a powerful one. This allows us to review what went on and feel the feelings of certain events again and not get lost in them.
• Choosing to come from love, kindness, and compassion and know therein lies our power. No matter what happens on the outside, the inside is ours. No matter what went on in a year, we can always stay connected to what we value and let it guide us. 

Some people may ask, "isn't the practice of mindfulness and meditation about being in the present moment?" Purposeful reflection is very different than unconscious ruminating, rehashing, or getting stuck in the past. It's intentional, not something that takes us away. It gives us perspective -- the opportunity to step back and see what we probably couldn't see when we were in the middle of it and to grow in awareness, appreciation, and insight.

This week's pause is a simple reminder that only you can honor the fullness of your experiences. No one else can do it for you. Unless you receive an award or someone throws you a big bash and makes a speech about you, only you can give yourself that tribute. Take time in your day, week, month, or year and note all that your endured, created, celebrated, changed, let go, learned, started, completed, etc. All of it! Your life is worth honoring.

🙏🌻

Jean