The Toll of Rushing

We all know what it feels like to rush. I'm not sure anyone would say that it feels good! Yet, how many of us find ourselves in a state of rushing to get somewhere, to do something, to get through something, even things we like to do like eating or showering? Many of us find ourselves here more often than we want to and more often than is healthy for us. If you are nodding in agreement with this one, you are not alone and it needs no judgement or shaming. Above all, it needs self-love and then the deep conviction to want to help oneself stop. 

We rush our physical bodies through space getting from here to there. We rush through our lives to get to the next moment, the next goal, the next enjoyable thing. We rush other people (our kids, older people, animals, other people in their cars (think of honking horns when someone doesn't turn fast enough or getting mad when someone wants to turn left and we have to wait). We even rush our breath. A great question to ask is, "what are we ultimately trying to get to?" Seriously, do we really want to rush this moment of living to get to the end? Probably not. So, how do we put an end to rushing? 

1) We need to be honest and recognize how bad it actually feels. Take a pause and ask yourself, "what does it feel like in my body and mind when I am in a state of rushing -- when I feel late and start hurrying my actions, my words, my thoughts, other people?" Close your eyes and feel the sensations in that state. Describe them to yourself. What happens to your breathing, your musculature, your posture, your vision

For me, it is very clear. My breathing gets shallow and fast. My body tightens especially around my chest. My vision gets narrow. My posture can do one of two things -- my lower back will either arch in hyper extension (literally pushing my chest forward into the world) or my upper body will round with my abdominals and chest coming toward each other in a deep contraction. My mind feels singularly focused in a very closed stance. All to say, it feels bad and very far from the relaxed, spacious, open, easy, balanced, calm state I'd prefer to live in.

2) Once we admit what it feels like, we see clearly that when we rush, our nervous system gets taxed; we exhaust our adrenals and cause ourselves suffering. We change this when we are done beating ourselves up and we are done causing stress to those around us. When we rush, accidents happen, the wrong words come out, we stop listening and seeing, feelings get hurt, the body suffers. The more we grow in having a reverence for life, the more we want to take care of the lives that are here, including our own. We will want to change.

3) Meditation and living with more presence facilitates this change because we practice thinking, feeling, sensing and not reacting. Not everything goes at the speed or on the timetable we want it to. In fact, most things don't and we can strengthen our acceptance, adaptability, and patience. We can find the grace in being able to slow down, be present, let go, and enjoy the moment we have.

I used to be really good at rushing. These days, I don't like how it feels so much so that I have gotten better about it. It's a work in progress. I have found that it takes time to switch gears (literally), but why wouldn't I want that for myself and those around me when I understand what's at stake? The adrenaline rush of getting a lot done in a hurry isn't worth it anymore. Life goes fast enough.

May you find relief and joy in the practice of going slowly through your week.

🌼
Jean

What Is Nourishing You?

In a recent session of A Mindful Life we explored what it means to be nourished. I asked what makes something nourishing; what do you feel when you are nourished? The answers across all the groups included words like: full, satisfied, inspired, replenished, taken care of, having a need/longing met, feelings of calm, presence, relief, joy, connection, among many other life affirming terms. I then asked what was on their plate in the week ahead that was nourishing, keeping in mind all the things that we do for ourselves that are, in fact, nourishing. Because we do them regularly, we can easily stop taking in that many tasks we do are nourishing (eating, exercising, driving our kids to practice, bathing, cleaning). The interesting thing is that when we really look at what makes something nourishing, we start to see that so much of it is the way we perceive it -- the intention we bring to what we do and savoring it as we do it and after it's done. Having this time now, writing to you as I sit in the Gravity Vault as my daughter climbs, is nourishing. It gives me space and time to think about what I want to share and why. This is nourishing because I value connection, having purpose, and wanting to be of service.

Why is it important to reflect in this way? Because when we don't take in all the ways we nourish ourselves, we think we are empty, deprived. We feel we are missing something when, in fact, we just haven't taken in what we have that replenishes us, brings sustenance, energy, rest. We have to allow ourselves to be filled. It is a mindset we have control over.

My invitation this week is:

1) Ask yourself the question, what makes something nourishing? How do you know it is nourishing? What do you feel when you are nourished?

2) Based on that information, look ahead into this week. From now until Sunday, what will you be doing that is nourishing, (bearing in mind all the things you do that allow you to be replenished, to thrive, anything that helps you to feel at ease, connected, satisfied and full)?

3)  How does it feel to look at your week this way? Is anything different about it?

This is something we can do at the end of every day. When you get in bed at night, you can ask, "what today nourished me or what tomorrow will nourish me?" Change your mind to change your experience. It is a powerful and kind thing.

🌷
Jean

I Love Cupcakes?

When I first learned the teachings on Right Speech (or what you could call mindful speech), one of the many lines that stood out in the classical definition, as translated by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, was this line,

“Not  exaggerating or embellishing. We don't dramatize unnecessarily, making things sound better, worse, or more extreme than they actually are. If someone is a little irritated, we don't say that he is furious.”

Not exaggerating. We all know people who are especially prone to exaggeration, but it is likely we do it ourselves to some degree. I know I do. It can add dramatic effect or emphasize a point. It can be funny. It can get attention or get people to react. It can also add unnecessary drama and water the seeds of anxiety and fear if we are not mindful. It's easy to do, too! We may not think of it this way, but being aware of when we exaggerate and working to modify it is an act of kindness, to ourselves and to those around us. We can become attuned to the words we use and be more mindful so that we create less pain and suffering. 

Certain words are good indicators that we might want to check in and see if we are making something bigger than it is. Words like always, never, hate/love, toxic, are some examples. "He always... They never... I hate…. I love (an object)... I had a "bad" day/year… She’s toxic… It’s a sh!# show." They may seem benign on the surface, but our speech matters. Are we saying what we mean? Are we being genuine? Are we adding on more than what is there? Is it really true? Are we expressing something that is coming from a very narrow perspective in a hot moment born from frustration, anger, fear? Are we caught up in the excitement of relating to another person/group over something we are passionate about and getting carried away in our unified perception of it? 

My family will often hear me say, “I love cupcakes.” Is it true? Well, I really DO like them… a lot. Is love involved? Not so much. Does it really matter? Part of me says, “not really” because I think it is a given that people know this. The only downside is that when the word “love” is often used in this way, it waters down its meaning. If I say I “hate” something do I really mean that I feel hatred? It’s a strong word. I can’t actually call up something I hate. I have likes and dislikes for sure. Is someone really “toxic” or do they behave in a way that I or other people react to in a negative way? No one can be toxic, but we can react negatively to them (it’s on us, not them). If I say I am having "a bad day," it implies that's all there is to it. Is that true? Was every part of the day bad? Probably not, unless everything I saw and touched wilted like the way a witch in a fairy tale makes a fresh flower droop just by looking at it. But, my way of seeing and talking about my day could make it bad day, but that's a choice I get to make.

The obvious downside of exaggerating is that it can create heightened feelings; it can exacerbate anxiety and fear; it can lead to mistruths and incite gossip; it can label something/someone in a way that is not fair or complete. We are many different things. It doesn’t allow for us or others to change, to be more complex. It’s like talking about the same bad news again and again, it waters the negative seeds in us and in others. Often when we exaggerate, we can be making assumptions about another’s motivations or character when we don’t really “know” it to be true. Words have ripple effects and create meanings. What are we creating? It’s a good question when it comes to communication.

My simple invitation this week is to be more aware of the words we choose when we are describing something. We can notice their effects and, when we need to, we can self-correct and clarify. After-all, it feels good to be genuine, doesn’t it?

🌷🙏
Jean