It's Not A Dirty Word

 

It's officially fall. Let's take a collective breath together after we've made the often chaotic adjustment back from summer. We can let the busyness of the past few weeks settle as we make this transition into the colorful season of letting go. 

Speaking of settling, over the past week, I shared a snow globe with my groups to give a visual of what we are striving to do when we sit in meditation and how it can be useful in our everyday life. We practice staying steady in the midst of everything else that may be swirling around (and right now  there is a great deal swirling around in this country and in this world, in addition to our personal lives). We observe ourselves and choose not to run around, chasing thoughts, getting caught up in the chaos, but instead to stay grounded. It is a practice that needs strengthening. What does it take to stay embodied, connected, grounded, or to come back down when we do get swept up? 

I feel old fashioned saying it, maybe because it feels taboo to say in today's climate, but "self-discipline" is what feels most true to my experience of learning how to resist the pull of forces all around us. No one else can make me have self-discipline which is what makes it so empowering. If I let myself be swayed by every impulse, feeling, and desire to do something, to have something, to follow something, to say something, more often than not, I'm not making mindful choices or choices I will feel good about later. In fact, I am not free to choose anything when I'm at the whim of my thoughts, feelings, and desires. That's not to say that being spontaneous or trusting one's gut feeling is not valuable. Of course, if I am overly regimented, I may never be surprised or delighted. But, if I can't observe what arises with curiosity and awareness and without acting immediately, I am likely to do a lot of unhelpful things for myself and others. We help kids develop this muscle when we teach them to wait, or show them the value of working toward something, or when we let them be bored and discover something on their own.

In meditation on Saturday, I shared how much I wanted to look at my phone during the meditation to see if my son, with his newly acquired license and responsibility, had left the house in time for his cross country meet. The pull to pick up the phone was strong, but I didn't. I sat in the discomfort and it passed. It was the perfect practice of feeling the temptation, the incessant cajoling of my mind, and not giving in. We can have a healthy relationship with self-discipline, one that's not dictated by "shoulds" but guided by awareness. One that reminds us to stay with the task we set forth to do because we can. In meditation, staying with our breathing exercises our ability to do one task -- to be in the present. It is a workout of its own and the benefits translate into our everyday life when we realize that we are more present to everything. 

In a culture where instant gratification is awarded so easily, it makes this practice an even greater ask. It requires us to practice more. We don't have to wait for much today. We can instantly have all kinds of food, entertainment, material goods, games delivered to us. We can get a hit of endorphins when we open our devices and get a "like" or play a game. We can distract ourselves easily with non-stop news, emails, communication. What meditation teaches is that we can just sit through the feeling, the pull. We won't explode. We won't miss anything. In fact we will be more present to the life that's here right now.

My invitation this week is to celebrate self-discipline. In what ways have you noticed  that self-discipline has enriched your life? Think through small things you take for granted. What healthy habits have you trained yourself in? How did you get to be successful at what you do? Most likely self-discipline was in there to some degree. Make note of the ways you currently choose to do something even when you feel the pull not to (for example, maybe you brush your teeth, even though you just want to get in bed). Let's make it not so taboo to choose to hold our tongue, to wait instead of react, to concentrate on the one task before us and not distract ourselves with a quick hit, to enjoy the reward that comes from observing, waiting, and choosing to act with awareness. To let ourselves be uncomfortable, or to be okay in not knowing how to do something. To stay steady amidst our own thoughts, feelings, desires. The reward is worth it. It is empowering.

🧘🏽‍♂️
Jean