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This coming Saturday, I will turn 50. There's something about it that's shocking. I am grateful to be turning 50. My father had only 9 more years to live when he turned that corner. So there's no complaining here. It's more just a shock at how fast these adult years have gone. I want the passage of time to slow down. I know it won't. But, I can slow down. Not because I need to. Not because I am old, but because I want to savor this.
Slowing down. It was the topic in my recent A Mindful Life sessions. We practiced specifically slowing our words and sentences down. We practiced taking space and time in a conversation. The content didn't matter as much as our pausing to listen for our words and meanings. To not fill the space with chatter. If you were the listener in the exercise, the practice was to not fill the silences with the need to affirm, overly emote, or do something, but simply wait with presence. It is amazing to be listened to in this way. To know that the person before you won't take over, but wants to hear you discover what matters to you. And yet, we so rarely do this for each other in our regular life. We go to therapists for it and even then, some therapists don't do this either.
My invitation this week of my birthday. The thing I so wanted growing up...to be listened to, to be curious about, and to have those around me to listen to each other and be curious about each other, I welcome you to try on. See how it feels to change the pace of your words. To let there be more pauses and silences between the sentences while you search for what you really want to say and not say more. If you need time, let whoever is listening know..."can you give me a second while I see what it is I want to say about this?" Ask for space to think (and feel). It will change the whole dialogue. And, if you are listening, do the same for the other. Be quiet. Don't add on. Don't overly emote. Don't take them away from what they are trying to find. Certainly don't give advice, or compare your experience unless they ask for it. And, if you are more quiet as you listen, they are likely to dig deeper. It will all be a lot more interesting and engaging.
Maybe this can't be what our conversations are like all of the time. Back and forth banter can be playful and fun! But, certainly, a lot more of our interactions can be this rich. December can be very full of social events and end-of-year activities. Why not make them more meaningful? I welcome you to share what you find with me or ask questions where you get stuck.
🧘🏽♂️
Jean
P.S. December craziness can take over. I love the month, but it can be hectic if I get caught up spinning in my mind about what I need and want to do. It takes more specific dedication to stop and pause. I welcome you to join me in doing that. Drop-in meditations, end of year workshops...see below and carve out the time so you can enjoy the month and last weeks of the year.
