How Much Challenge Is Enough/Not Enough?

 

Just before the retreat, a longtime and dear member of A Mindful Life asked me if I was more comfortable now leading retreats. My response to her was that I don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable. I am simply more comfortable being uncomfortable.

I told her that every group I lead each week at the studio is uncomfortable. I have greater tolerance for it and I find that, though it is a challenge, it is worth it. And yes, some parts of leading a retreat or conducting weekly groups are certainly easier. I know the routines, the structure, and the people involved. But I never know how the material I present is going to land—if the questions I am curious about will be the questions others are curious about. And, of course, I can never know what is happening inside each person, which will inform how they receive what I present.

That alone is a challenge we all face daily when we encounter other people. If we are awake and aware, we realize how complex any single interaction is. We have our own feelings, thoughts, perceptions, and needs—and the person before us has their own. That’s a lot! Put a group together and it becomes a complex stew.

I recently came across Dr. Arthur Brooks (Harvard professor, writer, and researcher on the subject of happiness) talking about how feeling a sense of satisfaction comes from doing hard things—and I would add, doing meaningful things. I know in my life that if I want to feel a sense of meaning and purpose, I’m going to have to challenge myself to some degree. And so, I am willing to take on the challenge of facilitating weekly groups where I bring in themes and questions, hoping they will invoke reflection, curiosity, and insight in those who contemplate them.

Sometimes it feels like a daunting task to do this every week for years on end. As I approach my 51st year, what I am starting to discover is how much of a challenge is enough. I’m starting to realize that the groups and retreats I lead are enough of a challenge. I don’t want any more—at least, not right now. My body is starting to indicate clearly when I ask myself to stretch any further and take on a new request. I’m seeing that I need to say “no.”

It’s not that I’m just afraid. There is fear, of course, but it’s not a lack of courage or confidence in the face of it. It’s an understanding that what I currently have before me is enough of a challenge. My entire adult life has been about facing challenges—about being outside my comfort zone more often than not. I'm guessing yours has been, too? I know I am ready now to have a little more ease and just enough challenge to feel a sense of satisfaction.

My invitation this week is to reflect on your own life and the current degree of challenge in it. Is there enough challenge so that you feel engaged and alive, and feel a sense of satisfaction in meeting it? Is there too much challenge, where the pressure is relentless and it might be showing signs—in your body, your sleep, your joy? Is there anything you would like to add, or anything you would like to take away, to find a more balanced middle ground?

As always, I welcome your thoughts and insights. Wishing you a beautiful week filled with just the right amount of challenge—and much joy.

Warmly,
Jean