Do You Know That You Matter?

What is it like to hear me say to you that you matter? You, the one reading this email right now. You Matter. You matter to me, to the people who love you, to the people who don't even know you, to all the different communities you belong to (i.e. the community of your neighborhood, your gym, your office, your church, your grocery store, anywhere you go regularly). You matter to the universe because you are part of it, made of its earth, its people/your ancestors, the sun, moon, and stars.

What does that actually feel like to take it in that you are essential in what sometimes appears to be a chaotic, indifferent world? If someone says to you, "You're important to me," does it stick? Or do you believe that when you are out of sight you are out of mind?

Or do you hear it and then forget? I know I usually forget and what a drag it is for me and for the person who told me. What would it be like if you could really take it in and not forget your value? How would you move through the world differently? How would you interact differently knowing that you are cared about? What kind of care would you then bring to your interactions?

When we understand, really understand, how much we affect each other, we become more mindful of how we meet someone (or a group) and what kind of presence we bring because it matters. When we learn to treat ourselves with care and kindness we start to value ourselves more. And when we value ourselves more, we value other people more too...because we know the difference. 

When someone leaves a group of mine and they miss the last session and don't say goodbye, what I feel is sadness. I think, "They must not have known that their presence mattered to us." We do notice when you leave and the reason this is so important is that it is the basis of our fear. All fear comes down to the fear of being separated and yet what do we do? We leave and not realize that our separating has an impact. If we don't want to feel disconnected, then we need to be conscious of our connection. It's there and will always be there, but we have to take it in. Fear can then fall away.

For over a year, the Sunday night meditation group moved online throughout the pandemic. A group that started over 9 years ago, stuck together on Zoom and kept the community going even for those who could not be on Zoom, but would return when they could. Thanks to those who held it together, we are now returning with a new in-person and online hybrid form. The community is still here. It could not exist without the people who make it up. Presence matters. 

When we practice meeting ourselves with kindness, we change the world. My invitation this week is to set the intention this summer to water those seeds, strengthen those muscles, (or whatever analogy is best for you), to treat yourself with the care that you want to see in the world, and to know that your presence matters. 

🙏🌼
Jean

The Return of Busyness

I don't know about you, but I sense the busyness of life picking back up now that the pandemic is winding down here in the United States. Were you one of the many like myself who enjoyed having fewer places to get to and fewer obligations -- the simplicity of life that was mandatory for a while? Of course, no one wanted to stay in lockdown, but we learned so much about enjoying simple things in those months and many of us said we wanted to keep some of the new habits in place. But, here we are with the current getting stronger, pulling on our ankles, ready to take us into the rapids where we have to stay afloat and be carried forward again. Once we are in it, it is that much harder to grab a hold of something to resist the force. If you find yourself here, about to be swept away, I invite you to refresh yourself on how to access your anchors when you need them. You can  grab ahold of the branch alongside the river and find your footing again back on the bank. Here are some reminders:

1) We are not victims to the current. We do get to choose what we do. We all create the current that exists. Having clear boundaries in ourselves about how busy we want to be is what we can control and sets up the expectations of others. Review what you did not do during the pandemic that gave you more space, ease, greater appreciation for the ordinary things. Which of them might you like to keep implemented? To do it may require letting go of being perfect, or being all things to all people -- you might be saying "no" more and that's okay. 

2)  As I spoke about in a recent talk, this persistent myth that we don't have enough time is one we can debunk. I know I am often plagued by the feeling, but the reality is that it's when I am thinking of what else I have to do that I don't have enough time. "Not enough time" is a future thing! If I am in the moment doing what I am doing, then there is no concept of not enough time. I'm just in it. Coming back to our breathing can help. When I feel pressed for time and I start to follow my in-breath and out-breath as I move, listen, talk, write, drive, it helps me to find space in the moment. In the present moment there is always enough time.

3) Be diligent about pausing. The world won't pause for us. It's up to us. When busyness starts to set in, we think we don't have time to practice meditation or mindful reflection. It doesn't make the to do list. But this is when chaos starts. This is where drama makes its entrance on stage. Why is that? Because when we don't pause and practice, we fall back into our habitual reactions. Habitual reactions tend not to be so mindful. They are the ones we learned at a younger age. When we stop and use our awareness, we make different choices and drama has to wait in the wings. So keep your practice strong so that peace and ease are more likely to have the main roles.

In high school, I was asked to be on the cheerleading team. I turned them down. It was a hard thing for me to say "no" to someone who wanted me, especially in a new school, in a new state. I auditioned because they wanted me to, but my truth was clear... I have never been a cheerleader. So you won't see me waving pompoms, calling out, "you can do this!" It's just not me. But, I am positively here for you whenever you need support grounding yourself in your insight and wisdom. I welcome you to use my offerings to keep you diligent in your practice and dedicated to your well-being as the world picks up speed. 

🌻
Jean

Why Is It So Hard To Keep Going?

One of the biggest challenges with meditation is staying consistent with the practice. We have good intentions; we want to do it; we know it would helpful if we stayed with it, but alas, it just doesn't happen. Let's put any judgement aside because we all know meditation can be so easily put off. I'll often hear, "I can't find the time, even though I know there's no reason I can't make 5 minutes in my day." I get it. It's not so easy when our to do list is calling our name or someone else is literally calling our name. We can put our needs aside for what appears more pressing or maybe it simply calls out louder. So what helps?

There are the obvious tips:

• Commit to the same time every day and put it in your calendar (set a gentle sounding alarm 5 minutes prior to remind you). Even if it's only a 5 minute practice, schedule it.

• Notice the difference in the days you practice and the days you skip and which feels better? I find when I skip a day, I feel like I am missing something all day -- connection to myself.

• Before you go to sleep, think about the time you have reserved for meditation the following day and remember the "why of it." Why do you want to meditate? Let the "why" motivate you. We often need to remind ourselves. Some of my why's are: because I want to strengthen being present; I want to practice reacting less habitually and find that space between what arises and what I do; I want to find more space between my thoughts and come back to my body; I want to savor this moment right here; I want to slow myself down; I want to remind myself that in this very moment I am enough and this moment is enough; I am kinder to myself when I pause and let whatever is alive in me just be there. I could go on. There are all kinds of reasons to practice! What is yours? Recall it and let it be the inspiration that gets you to sit down on your cushion or chair in the morning.

• Create a space in your home, even if it is a corner of a room. Let it be your sacred space. A place where the ritual of coming to sit invites you in. Whatever cushion, chair, props, bells you need. Put a single flower there so  that it signifies this is a place where awareness, presence, compassion, peace  is possible.

AND NOW...drum roll...what I find is the most significant tip to keeping a regular meditation  practice...

Sit with a meditation group every week. Sorry if that was anti-climatic. But, really, it is no small thing and yet the commitment is no big thing either. Just show up online or  in person, however it might be  offered. When we commit to showing up to a group, we not only strengthen our practice because we have dedicated a time and place to meditate, but we also support and are supported by others who value living a mindful life. The practice matters not only to us, but to the community. That support only exists if you show up. It feeds itself. It is interdependent. We may all be in different places in our practice, but that doesn't matter. We show up to ourselves and each other. Whether we say a single word or not, our presence is felt in person or online.

Besides, the image of sitting in a cave on a mountain alone until we get enlightened...that is one way to go, but how well that prepares us to being among others and engaged in the world as it is, I am not so sure. There is no reason to do it alone. Last weekend when we were away in the country, we watched as a flock of small birds chased a hawk from tree to tree to get it to leave. We had never seen anything like it. There is strength in numbers. The same is true in mindfulness and meditation.

If you are having difficulty staying consistent with your meditation practice, know you are not alone, leave the judgement aside, and get together with others who value it, too. You will be nourished.

Jean

🙏🌼

Finding Grace

A rainy Memorial Day weekend it has been! Last week I wrote about how vital it is to take pauses and how much I was looking forward to our weekend away. If you're in the northeast you know it has rained for three solid days. Not just light rain, but non-stop, bring-it-on rain. We made the best of it in our Airbnb in Accord, New York. We rested, ate yummy food, had a lot of good laughs (especially surrounding the bats in the chimney who were highly active throughout the night), enjoyed an amazing fire (no worries -- we were told the bats would leave and return and they did). I snapped this picture of the daisies, not letting rain the deter me from pulling over on the road and enjoying the fields of flox, the wild iris, the baby deer, and the awe inspiring sight of a bald eagle as we walked along the Ashokan Reservoir. Yes, despite the rain, or maybe because of the rain, we paused even further. It was a beautiful weekend. The grace was in letting go what I wanted it to be so that I could take in what it actually was. And what it was, was a gift.

Grace. It was the theme of last week's A Mindful Life groups and I am enamored with it. Fortunately, I don't have a negative religious association with the word that gets in the way of my being able to appreciate it. I know some do. In my groups, I heard so many wonderful descriptions about what it would be like to meet something with grace. What words/feelings/images capture it for you? Someone said the word "mature" came to mind and the more I thought about it, the more it made sense to me. I don't think I could say I handled things with grace in my 20's or even in my 30's. I'm only just now starting to get it. I think it often comes with age and it makes sense that it would. We stop fighting (with ourselves, with others, with the way we want life to be) and realize the fight is within and there is another way. To handle myself and what arises with grace is to let go, to receive, to flow, to open, to welcome, to trust and be fearless, to be grateful, to be present and generous. Grace is not hurried. Grace does not require me to be "right." Grace is not submissive, but is not forceful. Grace has clarity and intention. Grace is soft and quietly, humbly powerful. When I think of powerful leaders I admire, they all led and dealt with hardships with grace. 
These days, I find myself asking: how might I meet this issue before me with grace (this problem, confusion, obstacle, decision, relationship, etc.). The question brings me back to my highest intentions. My invitation this week is to imagine some situation you are facing and see  yourself approaching it with grace. How do you hold yourself differently, respond differently? What is the felt sense as you call it up?

When we are in the middle of a hard moment, we can't call it up instantly from imagining it once, but we can strengthen that seed in us. In listening to the people who shared in my groups, I noticed that sometimes we first need to meet ourselves with grace before we can meet a situation with it. See if that applies to you if you get stuck.

I hope you all found some ways to enjoy pausing over this long weekend. I am reminded to take one now, on this Memorial Day, to honor all of the men and women who sacrificed their lives on our behalf. Join me in honoring them with gratefulness. 

🙏🌼
Jean