Being Gentle

 

To be gentle with ourselves is one of the greatest gifts we can give to the world. When we treat ourselves gently -- in our touch, in our movements, in our words, in our responses to ourselves -- we hold ourselves with the kind of reverence that acknowledges just how beautiful this life is. The added grace of it is that it radiates out to others. It just does. It comes out in our faces, in the tone of our voice, in the way we move, in our responses and interactions.

But, what does being gentle with ourselves really look like? If something in our life feels unmanageable or stuck -- in a relationship, with work, kids, finances, or something else, the last thing we may feel is gentle and that's okay. We simply start training in it. Be in it for the long haul. It takes repeated practice, but we can strengthen our self-kindness muscles and the work is well worth it.

Start simply. Take a moment to think through the ways you already are gentle with yourself. There are likely small things you do or ways you are with yourself that have this quality of care. In naming them, we deepen their effect and open the door to more ways of bringing it in.

I thought through some of what I do these days as examples to show that they aren't big, but still impactful:

~ At night when I wash up before sleep, I pull my hair back in clips off my face and I see myself in the mirror and pause there. I see my eyes and my skin, the roots of my gray coming in, the lines of age and of a life fully lived and I smile recognizing the beauty and vulnerability that is looking back at me. This is when I feel the most tender with myself.

~ In those moments when I feel I did not do well or my critic takes hold of whatever fault I may have displayed, (maybe I responded to my son or daughter in a way I regret or an approach I used in a situation didn't create connection), I recognize the pain of feeling "less than" and rather than jump on the bandwagon of shame, I feel compassion for the pain in me instead. I am going to mess up again and again. It is a part of living and it's always hard. I don't need to make it worse. Instead I say in compassionate recognition, "yes, this is hard to feel; that much is true." I don't fix it, back it up it, push it away, but allow myself to feel it and remind myself that it doesn't define me, nor will it stay.

~ I note to myself those moments when I can move slowly, or use a lighter physical touch with myself, or with an object (even the keys on this keyboard as I type), something in me shifts. I don't have to use so much force or try so hard. I feel the smoothness of the spoon in my hand, the feel of this fabric on my body, the tenderness of my own hand or someone else's. I feel more present, more conscious, more graceful and more grateful.

I'm not always gentle -- far from it. Just ask my partner and my kids. I tackle them often. They'll tell you how rough I am. But I keep practicing and right now it is one of my priorities - to be more gentle with this precious life. If it feels like something you would like more of for yourself, what might you try this week? Just one practice is enough to start the garden. It will naturally grow over time as we pay attention. Feel free to write to me and let me know.

🌻
Jean