Three incidents come together:
1) The conversation went like this...
I said to Mike, "I don't think I connected with the contractor."
Mike says, "you what?"
Me, "I don't think he likes me; I couldn't connect with him well."
Mike, "I don't even know what that means...you didn't connect with the contractor? What's wrong with you? Why do you have to "connect" with the contractor?" He tells me to "journal about it," his new way to make fun of my overly sensitive feelings. (To be clear, I know how much he loves my sensitivity, so this always makes me laugh).
2) Coming from someone who is fairly clueless about celebrities...I keep seeing something about Will Smith and Chris Rock today. Something about The Oscars which I didn't even know took place last night. I watch the clip of what happened, get a brief synopsis, and feel deeply saddened. Not about the right/wrong of any of it, but just sad for what we humans feel and go through, the rupture and the need for repair, the hurt feelings, the reactivity we all experience that gets us into trouble, the judgement.
3) I'm driving my daughter to rock climbing when we come upon some road work and the narrow, windy, two-lane road becomes one where the cars have to take turns. Clearly it's our turn to wait, but the car in front of me doesn't recognize that ahead of time so he backs up so that the other cars can go first and slowly backs into a car parked on side. I see and hear the crunch. It's the kind of accident that could happen to anyone and unfortunately will be costly. I drive on as he gets out of the car to survey the damage and I feel his hardship." I keep driving and say, "gosh, I feel so sad for everyone today. That guy with the car, Will Smith, Chris Rock, Jada Pinkett Smith, all the people judging them them all, my feeling that I'm not liked. This living is so hard. The feelings and what we go through. I feel sad for everyone." My daughter, like Mike, doesn't know what to make of me. She has a perplexed smile on her face, but I know she knows what I mean because she said it first..."I feel so bad for him."
And this is just small stuff on a daily basis. I'm not even talking about the larger hardships that are happening like war, hunger, abuse, discrimination. Suffering is suffering. When our heart is open we feel the pain of others and compassion wells up. Compassion doesn't get caught in right and wrong, good or bad. Compassion brings us on the same footing. All trying to do the best we can. All making mistakes, (some more costly than others), in our thoughts, words and actions. All of us feeling the consequences. All of us needing to find forgiveness of ourselves, of others...of ourselves again, of others again.
Growing up, my family always said I was too sensitive. "You're such a baby" my siblings would say. Yes, I guess I am. It used to bother me, but it doesn't anymore. I would much rather be too sensitive if it allows me to love more, if it keeps me humble, if it inspires me to be of service, if it helps me to "connect." It also takes more courage to feel than it does to be armored and thick skinned. If you ever feel too sensitive, I welcome you to celebrate it. We need more of it, not less. Not the kind of sensitivity that blames, judges, or falls apart with worry, but sensitivity that activates compassion for the difficult things that living requires of us.
This week, I invite you to honor the compassion that surfaces in you when you see a mother struggling with her flailing, crying toddler trying to get out of her arms, or when you see someone trip on the sidewalk and they try to stay cool and composed, when you see someone awkward, angry, rushing, frustrated, sad or any other hard human state of being. It's ok to feel it alongside them. Feeling it doesn't make life any less beautiful and wondrous. In fact, it makes it more so.
🌱🌷
Jean
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