Living In Foul Ball Territory

Often, after finishing my workout at the high school field, I will stop at the bleachers by the baseball field to sit down and meditate. I look out over the expanse of playing fields and trees in the distance. It is a place near my home where I feel a sense of spaciousness with an unobstructed sky and quiet. In front of me is a fence and a sign that reads, "Foul Ball Territory." I have come to appreciate this sign as it appropriately reminds me to be awake as I enter meditation. I could imagine these signs posted sporadically everywhere. Aren't we always living in foul ball territory?

At any moment something may come upon us and the best we can do is be aware. Not on guard, but aware so that we can still enjoy the game. In meditation, we are always observing foul balls. They come in the form of a conversation resurfacing from weeks ago, or a feeling that we didn't know was lurking in the background that made its way forward, or an unexpected sound, or sudden anxious thought over...anything. Unlike literal balls falling from the sky, we don't have to react and protect our heads. Instead, the instruction is to observe, to be aware of what is arising, to make note. We give it room to float in and fade away without becoming it, without letting it take over, without adding onto it, without attaching to it, without "doing" something (fixing, changing, pushing it away). This is the practice and it has the potential to relieve us of a great deal of suffering...if we practice it.

I prefer to think that I live in foul ball territory. It keeps me from being shocked by things that go off-kilter. I don't get so attached to things being a certain way or moving in a particular direction. It feels more real to me. I have goals and dreams and directions I want to move in, and I am hopeful, but I can be all of those things without thinking that it will be smooth or that this is way it "should go" or that I can control it. Things often do go other than the way I might like them to and sometimes great and unexpected things come as a result. Most of it doesn't happen in the time frame I was expecting. The universe is much larger than me and the causes and conditions of things are so vast and intricately woven that I must learn to adjust. It's not powerless either because my slight tug on the fabric will have an effect. I am continually learning to welcome it all and to trust in foul balls. As long as I am aware of myself, I can meet what comes with grace. Living with grace to me is living with presence, being able to let go, slow down, offer compassion, live with kindness, and take mindful action.

We have had some significant foul balls landing lately. All things change. Waking up to what is here I can be mindful of what I think, say, and do next. I can choose what energy I am contributing. On the other hand, If my mind and body become one with the whatever is happening, it becomes very hard to have agency over how I feel and what I do next. I become a victim of myself and it never feels good. To avoid getting caught takes practice. We train ourselves to step back from our own mind and observe. The mind can observe the mind. We can watch whatever arises and learn that we can be present to it without reacting. We can feel disappointment, pain, fear, loss, anger and not let it take over. This doesn't just come. It is a training. Like any athlete we do our drills so that when game time comes, we are ready. 

My invitation this week is to form an agreement with yourself to practice meditation everyday. Whether it is 5 minutes, 20, or 30 does not matter. Just commit to sit and while you're sitting, be awake and observe. Meditation is not an idea. It is something we do. It won't be of use unless we do it continually. Find some space from the thoughts that come and feel without reacting because that one feeling, that one thought is not all of you and it will change. Remember that practicing meditation is an act of kindness and we can all use some of that.  Wishing you a good week.

🌼
Jean

Having Mercy

 

We don't always get off to a good start. Some days we roll out of the "wrong" side of the bed and our day starts off rough. Sometimes we start a conversation on the "wrong" note. Sometimes we begin a project and realize we are going about it all "wrong." Sometimes we wish we just hadn't thought, said, or done something. This is what it is to be human. Thank goodness we are all imperfect. And thank goodness, we can always start again.

In meditation we are instructed that when we become aware of having drifted into thought, we get to enjoy coming back to the breath in the present moment and simply begin again. We gradually learn to do that as many times as we need in a single meditation period without any judgement. It is the best practice we have for those more significant moments in life when we don't like the way something has started -- whether it began with our own actions, reactions, or with a dynamic between ourselves and another. We can always start over. We start over every time we forgive, say we are sorry, take a pause and change a direction, or take a new step.

Sometimes we forget and think it's done, finished, finite, messed up for good, irreparable, fixed, and permanent. It's not a very kind way to be with ourselves, or even with others. My invitation this week is to notice those moments when something doesn't feel good and let yourself begin again. Mid-conversation with your child, spouse, parent, co-worker, and the feeling isn't good -- take a pause and start over. You can even say it, if it is appropriate, "can I try this over again?" Maybe you find yourself scrolling on social media when you intended to start a project and suddenly 30 minutes is gone. No big deal. Begin again. And, the most important part is to do it without berating yourself. What is it like to start fresh?  No matter what doesn't feel good, the moment you recognize the uncomfortable feeling, ask yourself, "is there some way I can start this again?" Only you can let yourself off the hook. Staying stuck on it serves no one.

When we allow ourselves the opportunity to start over, we soften that hardened stance we can easily take that is born from fear. When we learn to be generous and have mercy on ourselves, it spills over and we become more willing to let others be imperfect, and have fresh starts, too. 

Wishing you all a week of fresh beginnings whenever you need them. And don't forget, you can always say it aloud and let your imperfect self be seen so that we can all be imperfect together.

🌼
Jean

Dreams

 

The last day of school always held for me a great feeling of spaciousness. Freedom from assignments, tests, papers, and routines. It felt like long held pressure finally allowed to release. The summer opened up time to just be. Time to wander and get bored, to hang out without an agenda, to play and to dream. I didn't know that this summer sense of open, decompressed time would never happen again in the same way once I was out of high school. In adult life, we have to carve it out and we have to learn how to find spaciousness throughout the day in our way of living. By being more present, slowing down, reacting less habitually, listening and speaking more mindfully, we gain a sense of space. And when we have space, we can dream. At any age, we all need to keep dreaming. This summer, let's welcome it.

Can you return to a question kids get asked more than adults: what dreams do you have? In our adult lives, we may not allow ourselves this question anymore. Does it feel like there are too many "practical" needs in the way to dream? I often feel that way. But, our dreams are important. They connect us to what we value, to what brings meaning and purpose. They make us inspired and alive. We need dreams. Our creativity is born in them. There is a reason for them. 

I invite you to take a pause:

1) Ask yourself, "what dream do I currently have that I have not been paying attention to?" Close your eyes, come back to your breath, and wait for as long as is needed for the answer to arise from deep within. Or maybe it will be right there at the surface.

2) Welcome it. Don't worry about how to achieve it, just hold the space for it and honor it. It does have a reason for being there. Enjoy the feeling of having it. It means you are very much alive.

3) Now ask, "what would it feel like if I followed the path of this dream?" Again, don't worry about how to accomplish it, let the feeling it gives you to move toward it inspire your next action. What energy does it produce in your body if you imagine making your dream happen? What color captures the feeling? How would life feel different knowing you followed your dream? 

4) Without making more of it than it is, what one step could you take this week that moves you a little closer to it? Think baby steps -- a phone inquiry, a  page of writing, clearing a physical space in your home to start something, updating your resume, signing up for a class. Say, "yes" to something that sends the signal to yourself that this matters. Your dreams matter. You matter.

🌼
Jean

Creating What's Here

 

While so much is out of our control and we have the challenging task of making peace with letting go or allowing what is here to be here, in every moment, we do have the choice to create and to water the seeds of what is to come.

In Sunday's Night Meditation, I offered up a question we can ask ourselves everyday: "what do I want to create today in my thoughts, in my words, in my actions?" When I talk about creating, it is not for a select few "creative people." We all create. Everyday we create the life that's here, whether you see yourself as a creative person or not. If I honk my horn, if I rush my kids, if I’m impatient with myself, if I’m distracted when I listen, I am  creating energy that is getting sent out and having its own ripple effects. Those ripples generate more thoughts, words and actions in other people and from the earth itself. Equally so, when I am present with someone, listening without interrupting, being generous as I drive, being warm to the salesperson in the store, being compassionate and patient with myself, conscious of what I choose to consume and its effect on the earth that sustains us, I am generating a very different, positively contagious movement in the world.  You can't get more creative and impactful than that!

Just think that each day we get to begin again! We get to walk out the door into our day and meet the world inspired by what we want to see develop, unfold, manifest and then generate that by our presence, by where we direct our mind, by what we say, and how we move. 

My invitation this week is to ask yourself: "what do I want to create today?" Take a moment now and try it on. You might close your eyes, drop back into the rhythm of your breathing, and ask yourself the question. See what words come that capture what you really want to create here. What do you want to see manifest? Describe it to yourself and when you're done describing it, what does it feel like to be inspired by your own ideas of creating this experience we call life? We can ask ourselves this question every day. I welcome you to download the image above if it helps remind you!

Wishing you an inspired week in this interim time between spring and summer.

🌼
Jean

Holding Both Sides

Much has happened since I wrote last week's A Mindful Pause. I began the week offering an exercise to water the seeds of joy in summer. A day later, we witnessed the aftermath of a horrifying school shooting. The week came to a close with Memorial Day weekend, a time when many celebrate the unofficial start of summer, while honoring those who sacrificed their lives for us. All that went on in this one week and Memorial Day itself captures so accurately the paradox of what we have to do in life -- hold both sides of something at the same time. Suffering and joy exist simultaneously and we find our way back and forth between them.

My husband and I have a tradition of going to upstate New York for this long weekend. It is always replenishing as we reconnect with the natural beauty of this earth, slow down, eat food we normally wouldn't eat, and rest. As we turned around to come home this morning, I thought about the pain many people suffered in the last couple of weeks, as well as the reason for this holiday itself and it felt at odds with the feeling of ease and play that this weekend also inspires. But, are they really at odds? When I look more deeply, I know that this is what we must do all the of the time -- simultaneously hold what is painful and what is joyful.

Sometimes people feel guilty for enjoying something when there is so much suffering going on, but this feeling of guilt does little for anyone. And sometimes people only see suffering and don't allow themselves to take in joy, beauty, and goodness. There is another way that is more kind. This way does not push one away so that we can have the other, but instead cultivates a heart and head space large enough to hold them both. Over the weekend, my heart was never far from the pain of the recent shootings AND I could enjoy the walks through the country, savor meals out, take naps, and stop to look at the rain drenched peonies in the garden where we stayed. This allows us to keep going and do the work we do.

We will face more suffering and sometimes it will feel downright frustrating and defeating when some of it can be prevented. Sometimes it will remind us of our complete lack of control. Sometimes it will knock us down for a while until we can get up again and take a next stride forward (which we will do). But no matter what, while all of that difficulty is happening, the ants are still crawling on the peonies for this brief moment they are in bloom, and we get the honor of witnessing their lush opening. When we stop for these wonders, while whatever storm is passing through, we get to be awed and filled with delight, even as our eyes are still wet from our tears.

As the week begins again, my invitation is to pause and see the alternating, maybe even contradictory, feelings that may be present in this moment in time and allow yourself to swim between them without any judgement, without making one more important than the other, without saying one should not exist. Instead, allow yourself to be in all of this experiencing, just as it is. Enjoy what you enjoy. Cry when you cry. Do what you can to contribute to what is beautiful and good. Make room in your house of self for all that arises. 

I'd like to close honoring and thanking all of the men and women of our armed forces who have served for us. Aware of the many lives lost and at risk for our safety and freedom, I send out deep gratitude for what has been and continues to be given. 

Wishing everyone feelings of safety, inspiration, and aliveness in this week. I leave you with the words of Mary Oliver.

🌼
Jean

The Summer Day
Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean—
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down—
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
~Mary Oliver