Living In Foul Ball Territory

Often, after finishing my workout at the high school field, I will stop at the bleachers by the baseball field to sit down and meditate. I look out over the expanse of playing fields and trees in the distance. It is a place near my home where I feel a sense of spaciousness with an unobstructed sky and quiet. In front of me is a fence and a sign that reads, "Foul Ball Territory." I have come to appreciate this sign as it appropriately reminds me to be awake as I enter meditation. I could imagine these signs posted sporadically everywhere. Aren't we always living in foul ball territory?

At any moment something may come upon us and the best we can do is be aware. Not on guard, but aware so that we can still enjoy the game. In meditation, we are always observing foul balls. They come in the form of a conversation resurfacing from weeks ago, or a feeling that we didn't know was lurking in the background that made its way forward, or an unexpected sound, or sudden anxious thought over...anything. Unlike literal balls falling from the sky, we don't have to react and protect our heads. Instead, the instruction is to observe, to be aware of what is arising, to make note. We give it room to float in and fade away without becoming it, without letting it take over, without adding onto it, without attaching to it, without "doing" something (fixing, changing, pushing it away). This is the practice and it has the potential to relieve us of a great deal of suffering...if we practice it.

I prefer to think that I live in foul ball territory. It keeps me from being shocked by things that go off-kilter. I don't get so attached to things being a certain way or moving in a particular direction. It feels more real to me. I have goals and dreams and directions I want to move in, and I am hopeful, but I can be all of those things without thinking that it will be smooth or that this is way it "should go" or that I can control it. Things often do go other than the way I might like them to and sometimes great and unexpected things come as a result. Most of it doesn't happen in the time frame I was expecting. The universe is much larger than me and the causes and conditions of things are so vast and intricately woven that I must learn to adjust. It's not powerless either because my slight tug on the fabric will have an effect. I am continually learning to welcome it all and to trust in foul balls. As long as I am aware of myself, I can meet what comes with grace. Living with grace to me is living with presence, being able to let go, slow down, offer compassion, live with kindness, and take mindful action.

We have had some significant foul balls landing lately. All things change. Waking up to what is here I can be mindful of what I think, say, and do next. I can choose what energy I am contributing. On the other hand, If my mind and body become one with the whatever is happening, it becomes very hard to have agency over how I feel and what I do next. I become a victim of myself and it never feels good. To avoid getting caught takes practice. We train ourselves to step back from our own mind and observe. The mind can observe the mind. We can watch whatever arises and learn that we can be present to it without reacting. We can feel disappointment, pain, fear, loss, anger and not let it take over. This doesn't just come. It is a training. Like any athlete we do our drills so that when game time comes, we are ready. 

My invitation this week is to form an agreement with yourself to practice meditation everyday. Whether it is 5 minutes, 20, or 30 does not matter. Just commit to sit and while you're sitting, be awake and observe. Meditation is not an idea. It is something we do. It won't be of use unless we do it continually. Find some space from the thoughts that come and feel without reacting because that one feeling, that one thought is not all of you and it will change. Remember that practicing meditation is an act of kindness and we can all use some of that.  Wishing you a good week.

🌼
Jean