It was early in the morning. I had just dropped my son off at the train station and as I was driving home there was a car coming in the opposite direction appearing to slow down. It seemed like it might make a left turn, but it didn't have a signal on. This is one of my pet peeves in driving. I slowed down in case the person suddenly turned in front of me. He did and as I drove on, I watched the usual murmurings of judgment in me arise. Then I thought about the exercise I was sharing in my groups for the week and asked myself, "how can I see the "us" in driving?" Staying with the question, I was amazed at the fact that we all navigate these roads together and when I thought of it that way, my irritation changed.
When I ask myself to see the “us” in a situation, it inevitably softens my stance. I get a greater perspective which doesn't separate me from the other. I see the larger picture which allows for more acceptance, compassion, and understanding. My righteous self gets humbled. As someone shared in a group, I could ask, "what if that was my elderly mom driving in front of me, would I get so angry?"
When we practice with the concepts of inter-being, interconnection, and interdependence, we see clearly that there is no separation between us and anything else. We are physically, mentally, and emotionally made of everything that is outside of us. Our bodies are made of all the elements (air, earth, water, sun, people) and our ways of thinking and feeling are effected by numerous people and forces outside of us.
The driving example is just a minor one, but we can do it anytime we start to feel on the opposite side of someone, an issue, stuck in a project, caught in comparing, feeling judged or doing the judging, anytime we see suffering and don't feel compassion. My invitation this week is to keep asking the question, "how can I see the 'us' here?" See what happens if you stay with it. Does it soften your stance, your vision? Does it bring you into more gratitude and awe?
Whether it's personal, societal, or global, we can step back and recognize that we are connected and that the better outcome will arrive if we see our interconnection and move onto the side of wanting it to work out for all us. We can come back to the notion that “just like me, this person wants to be happy, healthy, safe.” We can recognize that “just like me,” this other person/group wants to get through this, or is having just as frustrating a time as me, or they want to achieve the same goal, even if our ways of achieving it don’t seem aligned. "Just like me," this person has feelings, needs, fears. This perspective of seeing our common humanity brings us back to wanting to collaborate and find a way together, rather than be reactive or right. We need each other.
Because it is not always easy to do, we need to remember "the why." And the why is that we are connected. What happens to me, happens to you, even if we can’t see exactly how in the moment. That ripple effect is always there. We can take refuge in the “we” because we can't do this life alone and we can't make positive change alone. There is always a “we” and it can help us when we get caught in ourselves.
Wishing you a week feeling held in connection and embracing, rather than pushing away, the complexity it can add.
🙏
Jean
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