More on Letting Go

 

Over the past week in all my groups we have been working with letting go. Specifically, we explored letting go of things that were never really ours to begin with. Getting involved in somebody else's fight, taking on someone's responsibility, doing someone's work, analyzing someone's situation and giving feedback. The funny part of our human nature is just how much time and energy we can expend on this kind of thing in our mind alone. We may not actually be doing anything, but if our mind is taking us through it, we might as well be because all that energy is being used anyway! Just think how much more peace we could have if we caught ourselves in the act and let it go sooner, rather than later. (But, even later is good enough!)

Once again, it's our awareness, being mindful of our thoughts and actions, that changes this pattern. When we can break this pattern, we attract less drama and cause ourselves and others less suffering. As is the case with most positive change, it takes effort, steadiness, and patience. Be gentle and kind to yourself as you bring more of this into your life.

I always think the words "letting go" sound so easy, like letting go of a balloon. But, it rarely is and that's because the reason we are involved to begin with is that there is some unmet need in us that's driving us to want to be engaged. It might be the need to feel helpful, needed, seen, valued. It might be the need for harmony or the feeling of being in control and secure. Often the need is misplaced. We don't even realize that what we are stepping into is driven by it. But once we know, then we have the power to stop and take care of our need outside of the situation. This is the more loving way to be and it often goes against the grain. Some part of us thinks the more loving thing is to get involved, but often it is not. 

Once we have the awareness, what do we do next?

1) We stop and recognize the unmet need and we bring in self-compassion. Ask yourself what is driving my involvement here? What am I wanting to fill? Once we have that understanding, we can let go a little.
2) We recognize what we feel if we stop getting into the situation -- what do we have to feel to let go of our involvement? Often it is feeling the unmet need. 
3) Once we can name what we have to feel, then we allow ourselves to feel just that. Not to think about it, but to breathe, feel and give it space without doing anything. If we skip this step of feeling, we haven't done the hard work yet. When we allow ourselves this, we realize that it's okay to feel something uncomfortable. We won't explode.
4) We can then bring compassion to ourselves, the other, the situation we are stepping out of.

This is how letting go happens. And we stop there and let that digest. There is so much freedom and lightness that can come the more we practice letting go of what is not ours. Besides, we have plenty that is ours to deal with! We can bring ourselves more ease, space and peace. 

What currently in your life are you taking up, that is not yours, that you could try this with? Feel free to reach out if you get stuck or share your insights if you have them. 

Wishing you a beautiful week. 

🌸
Jean

P.S. Gaining awareness takes some practice. Join me this summer to strengthen these skills. See below for the summer offerings.  

P.S.S. Are you a teacher or know of teachers who are off for the summer and would like to learn to meditate?  Or know a willing student heading off to college in the fall? It's the perfect time to start. Beginning Meditation Series.