What's The Right Choice?

 

Lately, I have been witnessing people making choices that are hard. They are faced with making a move that is not so clear in its benefit. Even though there is a choice, it doesn't feel like freedom because it holds too much weight. We all face these times in life. I've been facing them lately, too. They are often uncomfortable and feel long, as if we will never arrive at a peaceful resolution. And yet, we do at some point. It is part of the process to go through this necessary phase when it really matters.

How do we make decisions when we feel torn about which is the "right" choice? Those times when something is calling upon us to pick a way to go and we feel conflicted because we would be giving something up in either direction? How do we know which path to take when they both entail letting go? This can lead us to feel stuck, as if  we can't find freedom in either choice. It is a hard place to be and often because it requires letting someone down (or maybe some part of ourselves that we are attached to).

Think back on all the major choices you made throughout your life. Didn't you disappoint people often? When I think back on my 49 years, I am struck at how most major moves entailed disappointing others and I REALLY don't like disappointing others. When I left one university for another, when I stopped dancing, when I left jobs where I knew I was valued, when I chose who I wanted to be with, when I moved to NJ ("New Jersey!" said all the New Yorkers with disgust), when I closed my NYC office, when I stopped massaging altogether, when I got divorced, when I stopped or started something -- you name it, pretty much everything involved doing something that someone else didn't want me to do. Sigh. It was painful every time, some more than others, but all involved discomfort. 

And yet, I cannot say that in all those major instances that I wished I made the other choice. I may have wished I went about it with more grace or care, but the choice itself would still have been disappointing to someone no matter how I did it and the overall benefit was far greater, not just for me, but for the world because it was a choice, ultimately, driven by love. There lies the clue! Love is where we find the answer. 

We'll get lots of opinions from people around us if we ask. It's good to get food for thought, but ultimately, only we know the right answer for us. And whatever that answer is, it is the right answer at that moment in time. At a later point in our life, we may have chosen differently, but that's based on the experiences we had after that moment. We can only make decisions from where we are now, based on the experiences and knowledge we have had up until now. There are no wrong answers, just experiences we need to have. The one thing we can rely on to direct us is love.

When we act with love, true love, at the forefront of our being, we can't be "wrong."  True love is not driven solely by desire, passion, pleasure, but by a sense of deep listening to what brings wholeness, connection, kindness, and care. By what sparks inspiration, creation, movement, and a deep appreciation for life. If something is going to kill my spirit, it isn't coming from love. If something is going to cause irreparable harm, it isn't coming from love. If something serves only me, it isn't coming from love. 

When we are deep in the woods and need to choose a path, we can remember to pause and breathe, to slow down and ask, "if we come from love, which path lights up more?" We can go that way. And it's okay to disappoint, with love, along the way.
☀️
Jean

P.S. The renovated studio is done! Keep a lookout in the coming weeks for some big changes in opportunities to come together to practice.