These Arms

 

The signs are obvious that something is not quite right. I changed the thick handmade coffee cup I use every morning to one that is lighter, at first thinking it was because the new one had the colors of the sea which always appeal to me. At night, I would pick up the floral, glass water bottle on my nightstand and wince at lifting it. I know it is not something serious, but it has been going on for months and I have been too preoccupied with some big life events to take the time and ask what my body, what these arms, specifically, want me to know. We are often being sent messages from this amazing vehicle that moves us through life and we turn a blind eye to what it is saying because it is not convenient.

My arms have been fatigued in a way I have never experienced, even in the 20 years I was a massage therapist. They have always been strong and reliable. Finally, at the end of a meditation last week, sitting in my favorite big chair, I did ask and the reply was clear and simple. “I am tired of doing the heavy lifting.” I knew it was true the moment it was said. Hearing it so explicitly didn’t relieve it, but it gave me somewhere to start. 

These arms want me to let go of a lifetime of carrying the weight of trying to keep the peace, of doing the right thing so that those around me can feel at ease, of trying to get the orchestra to work together, of navigating minefields. They want me to stop being on guard when I see those around me, without awareness, about to set off explosions. “But, why didn’t they know,” I would ask myself in frustration after the world was already aflame. They want me to let the flames go. Let the fires burn! Being 49 years in the making, I don’t know yet how exactly to let go in the way they want me to, but I am paying attention. 

The body was the subject of conversation in a group just this past week – the body is one of the reasons people struggle with meditation. We stop and get still and suddenly our body starts talking. We sense pain, tightness, tension, rumblings that have been waiting for a quiet moment to be heard. Meditation is an opportunity and not for the faint of heart. We hear it again and again – it takes courage to meditate because it is easier to just ignore what wants our attention until, inevitably, our body won’t let us ignore it and something more catastrophic happens. I know, practically speaking, that this discomfort of mine will need physical tending to – specific concrete actions. But the emotional under layer is equally as important. At the very least, I have gently started by listening to what it so obviously knew all along.

I share this simple story because the lesson is obvious. We can check in with ourselves, get curious about ourselves and yet, we so often don't. My invitation this week is to listen to your body. Does it have a message it is trying to send you? It might come in the form of pain, an ache, or tightness. It might come as a diminished sense (hearing, taste, sound, smell, touch). It might come as fatigue, or the inability to sleep. It might come out in behaviors around eating, drinking, consuming – in all the ways we consume. Our body has good information. We don’t have to be afraid of it. It is on our side. 

You might close your eyes and ask your body the question, “what do you want me to know right now?” And wait to see what comes. Always ask, “is there anything more” before you move on.  And don’t answer it with advice or action, but acknowledge it with deep listening – “I am hearing you.” If you find yourself defending, denying, downplaying, coming up with solutions, trying to see the bright side, STOP, and be on its side instead. Confirm that you heard what it is saying and that you are paying attention, even if you don’t know what to do about it. You probably don’t know yet, that’s why you’re experiencing this. There‘s a great deal that can come from listening alone.

This body is amazing. It was made for us. It allows us to experience this life in all the ways we can experience it. If we aren’t listening to it, we are missing out on so much natural insight.

Wishing you all week of lightness and ease as we turn the corner into the fullness of summer. 
☀️
Jean