Last time I wrote, I was just a week into my smartphone detachment project. Today I enter the “final” week of Catherine Price’s How To Break Up With Your Phone program and I am happy to report back my findings. This is what I am aware of…
The whole experiment is a practice of presence. And not just a little bit. In trying to let the smartphone go, we are confronted with everything we distract ourselves with in life. It goes beyond the phone. We see all the ways we get caught in trying to fix life itself (which of course doesn’t work). The smartphone contains most of the fix-it temptations wrapped into one easy, small device which is what makes it so powerful. To let the urge to fix it go is truly a practice in awareness and mindfulness.
It became clear to me over the past week that if we are on the Path – the path of living a mindful life, then detaching from our devices isn’t just a nice complement to it. It is saying I am fully on board with wanting to be present, alive, and honest with myself. It is saying I am willing to be with the discomfort of what arises when I stop doing what is habitual. It is a willingness to see how I immediately reach for something to alleviate even the slightest discomfort (loneliness, longing, boredom, stuckness, uncertainty, anxiousness, restlessness, the need to know, the need to control, the need to escape). The smartphone (or watch, or iPad, or computer), unlike anything else that has come before, has made it so easy to be distracted and avoidant and that is why it is so hard to kick the habit. I am finding that this separation is a big commitment and a challenging one, but one that feels like growth because it asks me to face myself just like any true spiritual journey asks.
I remind myself, as I gently battle with my urges, that I’m not committing to being a monk or nun. I didn’t choose that path. I am not trying to get rid of my devices altogether or to never listen to a podcast, or watch a series on TV. I’m just trying to live with intention and simplicity so that I don’t miss this life. It feels more genuine and real. It is quieter without all the unnecessary noise. Surprisingly, that quiet, just like in meditation, can be unnerving. This is coming from someone who enjoys quiet and is able to sit still for long periods of time! And even so, I find that removing the quick fix of sending a text, or checking my email, or the weather, or what my nephew might be up to, or where my kids are, or what rug would look nice in the dining room, or if there is a better bathing suit for Maine, or if Claude can tell me how to prune that plant, or what politician dropped out of the race is a discipline. There’s nothing wrong with doing any of those things. But when it doesn’t stop. When there’s always another thing to check in any open moment, well then it has become something else – an addiction. No doubt. And who wants that?
I’d rather stretch to understand myself and be less anxious. I’d rather be content than constantly reaching or needing a hit of something. To live this way is an art. When I think of what I am doing with this project, then it becomes an inspiring endeavor. Not a chore or a deprivation.
I look forward to finishing week 4 and then reinforcing it all again through August. Once I change my ways, I don’t ever want to go back, yet I can imagine events that might tempt me to get pulled in again. Just like meditating. We don’t do it once and are enlightened. We keep meditating. It is a lifelong practice, not just for when the times are difficult.
My invitation this week is simple. Just notice the ways your smartphone/smartwatch/iPad lures you out of the present because you’re longing to feel something else. Because you are longing to fix, or control, or get an endorphin hit.
I won’t be writing again until August, so I wish you many moments of replenishment and ease in these long, summer days.
Warmly,
Jean
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