Do You Have Permission?

The nature of our wanting-mind or desiring-mind is that it is never full. Its hunger is never satiated. The illusion it creates is that we need something more and once we get it, then we will be full. A part of us really believes it, too. Unfortunately, that satiation is temporary. We will crave again. This isn't good or bad, it's just what is and when we can recognize it, we can help ourselves avoid suffering. 

To recognize desiring-mind doesn't mean that we deprive ourselves of what we want or that we don't get to enjoy whatever it might be. But if we can understand its changing nature and we can then lean into what we are looking to fill underneath that one desire. We can still choose to go after what we want, but we can do it with the awareness that it won't be the end and that what we really want, we already have access to inside of us.

Does this sound familiar? "If I only arrive at that place where… 
…my career is just the way I want it.
…my children are happy and on a 'good' path. 
…my house is orderly, comfortable, and forever clean. 
…my body is strong, lean, and pain free. 
…or my finances are what I think they should be...well then I will be content." 
 
That's the illusion and it feels so tempting to believe. But, like you, my higher self knows differently. She has seen, time and time again, just how unhappy people are with all of those things in place. So. what do we do when we hear the Sirens call -- those magical women in Ulysses who would lure men to steer their ships into rocks? Do we strap ourselves down as Ulysses did to avoid the temptation? 
 
We could and often we try with diets, budgets, periods of abstinence (from drinking, social media, sex, shopping, etc.), resolutions, only to find that we can't keep it up. Of course we can't. We are human. It's not a "bad" thing. That same wanting-mind can get us out of unhealthy situations, can create much needed change, can be the motivator for action and movement. But, if wanting to feel whole, complete, satisfied, full, is what we ultimately want, is there another way? How about having your own permission to receive?

I invite you to try this on... When someone compliments you, are you able to receive it without justifying it, downplaying what they noticed, passing credit on to something/someone else, disbelieving it? When you are offered an opportunity, do you take it or turn it down and keep going (out of fear) without pausing to take in all of what made the opportunity possible? Do you receive a degree, complete a project, get a promotion, start a new venture and forget to stop and appreciate what you accomplished and all that brought it to fruition (the people, conditions, efforts of others)? Do you awake and forget that the rising sun is a gift we get to let in? This struggle is a gift waiting to be understood? 

I know I have done all of these things. One of the many blessings of maturing is that I am steadily remembering what I think we are born knowing (until fear sets in). I am whole already. The gifts are constantly coming. I get in my own way by not receiving them. It's not because I am not grateful, but because I have contracted out of fear. 
 
To receive we need our own permission and it requires that we are open. If you throw a ball at a concrete wall, it will bounce back with force. The wall can't receive it. But if we throw a ball into an open glove, into a soft pillow, it will be received. We are no different. To feel full, we need to let ourselves receive. The gifts are already here. Abundance is already here. Fear keeps us from it and causes a self-perpetuating story of "not enough." We can start by receiving ourselves -- our own gifts, our talents, our resiliency, our creativity, our bodies. Then we can receive what is around us in all its forms. They didn't just get there. So much made this moment possible. 

When we love what's already here, we find there is an endless supply of what we need. We can give ourselves permission to receive and slow down to take it in -- all of what brought it to be.

Will desiring-mind go away? Probably not for me. But that's okay because I know that I can return, as many times as I need, to the present moment and reconnect to what's here. I can work through the fear and re-open. Receiving is a practice. In every moment we are receiving (this breath, this sound, this feeling, this sensation, this thought, this experience of being alive).

Wishing you a full week and all the permission you need to receive it.

🙏🌷
Jean

P.S.  Meditation gives us that training to stop and feel full from what's here. The trick is to practice when you feel good and when you don't. Drop-in meditations on Zoom continue every Tuesday & Friday morning and every Sunday evening. Be a part of a community that values the present moment.

Welcome It All

One day last week I found myself going down a slippery slope of shame. When I got enough clarity to name the feeling as shame, I asked what I was ashamed of. When I heard the answer, I spent about three hours feeling not so great until some more insightful part of me intervened and asked, "Why are you not allowed to feel that? All humans experience this. There is nothing wrong with it." I was judging the feeling and that created shame. But realized that if I had allowed myself to have the feeling and let it be a normal process, it wouldn't have gotten stuck at all. 

When we feel frustration or anger with ourselves, shame, or depression, we can know that some part of ourselves has not been welcomed. If we can be honest with ourselves, we recognize that as humans we are capable of all kinds of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. And this is when we'll often label them as good/bad, right/wrong.

It's those labels that cause us suffering. We are capable of doing harm, just like we are capable of loving. We are capable of anger and joy. We can be jealous and we can be generous, etc. We can let it be okay. We ALL feel these things. This doesn't mean that we have to act on what we are feeling, but we can recognize it and allow for it without shame. I can be angry, not act on my anger, and not feel ashamed for being angry. I can feel desire, not act on my desire, and recognize that we all have times of wanting.

We all are instruments of goodness and we all cause harm. It's only when we make ourselves or others wrong, or even right (if something is "right" then something else must be "wrong"), that we actually cause suffering. Guilt and/or shame comes in and judgment of others is inevitable. When we can instead be with "what is" rather than with our judgement on "what is," we experience much greater flow and connection, more acceptance and letting go, more presence with the life that is here. 

The irony is if we embrace all the parts of ourselves, not just what we deem as "good" we will be living more genuinely, with greater peace, and more happiness. We will also be less quick to jump on the bandwagon of judging other's actions because we know that if the conditions were there for us, we are capable of that, too.

My invitation this week is that when you find yourself judging a feeling, get curious. What are you not "allowed" to experience? What shifts did you make? If you remember that we are of the nature to feel all kinds of things. They are all of value. We don't have to leave anything out, rather we can welcome it all and leave judgement at the door.

Being With A Feeling vs. Acting On A Feeling

Happy Passover and Happy Easter to all those who are celebrating! This week I am adapting the talk I gave from Sunday night's meditation to share here. I would love to hear if you find this simple reframe useful. Feel free to write to me!

When difficult feelings arise in me what I notice is that I can respond to what’s there or I can be with what's there. We all have a habitual tendency to take action or do something about it first. This is especially true when we have a negative feeling. But rather than respond immediately, what we can do is meet it and really be with it. This movement of self-compassion gives us permission to pause. It allows us to shift our perspective and change the energy surrounding the situation or feeling. 

You can try it on right now. Say the words, “being-with” a feeling versus “acting-on” a feeling. They feel different in my body when I say them. They're both valid. When we meditate we are with alone with ourselves. Which is why it can be uncomfortable, especially if we have a loud self-critic! This idea that we can be with anything can help.

Take a Mindful Pause for a Moment:

• Come back to your breathing. 
• Call up a feeling that has been present lately. It could be something that arose today or something lately that keeps announcing itself. Name the feeling. Once you’ve identified it, now try on the two different ways you can approach it. 
• Try on doing something about it. What would that be (talking myself out of it, coming up with a solution, making it seem not so bad, blaming)? What energy in the body does that bring? Now, let that go. 
• Start over and name the feeling again. This time try on being with it instead. This might look more like confirming its presence: “yes, I know you are there; of course you are there; this is a hard feeling to have; I’m with you.” Let go of changing it or needing to do anything and simply be with it. Let there be a “we" -- we are in this.” What does this feel like in your body? Does it feel different from acting-on?

Sometimes a small reframing of something can change the experience of it. Give it a try.