Welcome It All

One day last week I found myself going down a slippery slope of shame. When I got enough clarity to name the feeling as shame, I asked what I was ashamed of. When I heard the answer, I spent about three hours feeling not so great until some more insightful part of me intervened and asked, "Why are you not allowed to feel that? All humans experience this. There is nothing wrong with it." I was judging the feeling and that created shame. But realized that if I had allowed myself to have the feeling and let it be a normal process, it wouldn't have gotten stuck at all. 

When we feel frustration or anger with ourselves, shame, or depression, we can know that some part of ourselves has not been welcomed. If we can be honest with ourselves, we recognize that as humans we are capable of all kinds of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. And this is when we'll often label them as good/bad, right/wrong.

It's those labels that cause us suffering. We are capable of doing harm, just like we are capable of loving. We are capable of anger and joy. We can be jealous and we can be generous, etc. We can let it be okay. We ALL feel these things. This doesn't mean that we have to act on what we are feeling, but we can recognize it and allow for it without shame. I can be angry, not act on my anger, and not feel ashamed for being angry. I can feel desire, not act on my desire, and recognize that we all have times of wanting.

We all are instruments of goodness and we all cause harm. It's only when we make ourselves or others wrong, or even right (if something is "right" then something else must be "wrong"), that we actually cause suffering. Guilt and/or shame comes in and judgment of others is inevitable. When we can instead be with "what is" rather than with our judgement on "what is," we experience much greater flow and connection, more acceptance and letting go, more presence with the life that is here. 

The irony is if we embrace all the parts of ourselves, not just what we deem as "good" we will be living more genuinely, with greater peace, and more happiness. We will also be less quick to jump on the bandwagon of judging other's actions because we know that if the conditions were there for us, we are capable of that, too.

My invitation this week is that when you find yourself judging a feeling, get curious. What are you not "allowed" to experience? What shifts did you make? If you remember that we are of the nature to feel all kinds of things. They are all of value. We don't have to leave anything out, rather we can welcome it all and leave judgement at the door.