Being With A Feeling vs. Acting On A Feeling

Happy Passover and Happy Easter to all those who are celebrating! This week I am adapting the talk I gave from Sunday night's meditation to share here. I would love to hear if you find this simple reframe useful. Feel free to write to me!

When difficult feelings arise in me what I notice is that I can respond to what’s there or I can be with what's there. We all have a habitual tendency to take action or do something about it first. This is especially true when we have a negative feeling. But rather than respond immediately, what we can do is meet it and really be with it. This movement of self-compassion gives us permission to pause. It allows us to shift our perspective and change the energy surrounding the situation or feeling. 

You can try it on right now. Say the words, “being-with” a feeling versus “acting-on” a feeling. They feel different in my body when I say them. They're both valid. When we meditate we are with alone with ourselves. Which is why it can be uncomfortable, especially if we have a loud self-critic! This idea that we can be with anything can help.

Take a Mindful Pause for a Moment:

• Come back to your breathing. 
• Call up a feeling that has been present lately. It could be something that arose today or something lately that keeps announcing itself. Name the feeling. Once you’ve identified it, now try on the two different ways you can approach it. 
• Try on doing something about it. What would that be (talking myself out of it, coming up with a solution, making it seem not so bad, blaming)? What energy in the body does that bring? Now, let that go. 
• Start over and name the feeling again. This time try on being with it instead. This might look more like confirming its presence: “yes, I know you are there; of course you are there; this is a hard feeling to have; I’m with you.” Let go of changing it or needing to do anything and simply be with it. Let there be a “we" -- we are in this.” What does this feel like in your body? Does it feel different from acting-on?

Sometimes a small reframing of something can change the experience of it. Give it a try.