Do you know the feeling of being deeply passionate about something and desperately wanting to share it, but not knowing how to pass it on in a way that captures the depth of it? I feel this way about this very subject. Here's my feeble attempt...
Just like we get to choose which pumpkin we want out of all of the pumpkins, we get to choose in every moment how we spend that moment or what kind of energy we bring to it. Think about how amazing that is! I get to choose if I'm going to open Instagram, or The New York Times, or simply take a sip of tea. I get to choose if I am going to pick up the phone and chat with my sister, or go in the kitchen and get a snack, or finish the bookkeeping that's sitting here on my screen. I get to choose how many times I open my email, or if now is the right time to search for that perfect hair catcher for the bathtub on Amazon. I even get to choose how deep or shallow this next breath is. We talk so much about how things are out of our control, but look at how much is in our control and how what we choose dictates our happiness. The thing is, it's not that there isn't enough time, which is often what it feels like, it's how we are using it and how we are moving it through it that changes our experience of it.
While we do have choices, we are also subject to a great deal of manipulation by advertisers and big tech corporations, therefore it requires a certain strength of focus and commitment to not get swept into the current of what they want for us. But, ultimately, it is up to us to decide what we give our energy to. Being aware of that choice is the first step in reclaiming our lives from the hectic, frenetic pace of busyness and making it a pace we enjoy. One where there is space and plenty of time.
When I get caught in busyness and the feeling of rushing, or not having enough time, I feel contracted; my vision is narrowed; my muscles are tense. I know that I may experience an adrenaline rush when I feel busy or constantly on the go, but when this becomes more the norm than not, our body starts to break down. Our nervous system gets taxed. I know this is not the way I want to live. If you find yourself in agreement, I invite you to join me in making changes and committing yourself to another way of being. But it takes diligence and commitment. There is no other way. No drink, pill, smoke, food, no amount of sex, shopping, exercise, fame, or money will lead you there. Just your choice to slow down, be present, do less and appreciate will give you more of the life you crave. Here is what I have been working with:
1) Slowing down my movements.
~ In a very concrete physical way, I'm changing my pace when I walk (in the house, to the car, in the grocery store.)
~ Putting the dishes away with more care (I've been trying to make less noise!).
2) Breathing more fully.
~ This sounds obvious for me to say, but I am making conscious what happens unconsciously and choosing to take fuller breaths because I can. I do it when I'm thinking, writing, just sitting, washing the dishes, drying my hair, going to the bathroom, anywhere!
~ Taking a handful of deep breaths when I get in bed. Breathing in for 4 counts, holding for 7, breathing out for 8 and repeating through my nose.
~ Taking a handful of deep breaths first thing when I awake.
3) Doing less and rushing less.
~ The big trick here is giving myself permission to put less in my schedule and not feel badly about it.
~ Organizing my time, so I get out of the house with less stress.
~ I'm driving slower. Sorry if I don't floor it when the light turns green. Let the NJ honking begin! I've been going back to the phrase Thich Nhat Hanh coined -- "The car and I are one; when I go fast, the car goes fast."
4) Changing my relationship to social media, news and email.
~ I took off all notifications so that I choose when I go on and am not manipulated to going on.
~ More importantly, I'm simply stopping myself. My instinct is to pick up my phone and swipe. I catch myself and just stop. How empowering!
5) Practicing self-kindness in small gestures.
~ At night and in the morning when I am washing up in the bathroom, I will look in the mirror at my reflection and smile. A simple, small, genuine smile in acknowledgment of the courage it takes to live. I see myself in a different way and I appreciate who I see.
~ When I wash my body in the shower, I imagine myself washing away things that don't serve me...washing away fear, self-doubt, feeling not enough, etc. It feels kind and brings me into the present as the water falls and rolls down my skin.
~ When I take any supplements, drink my lemon water in the morning, eat my meals, I imagine them all as doing the work of nourishing my body. This moves it from a mindless task to an intentional act of care.
6) Sensing more. When we are sensing ourselves we are in the present moment. Mostly, I have been bringing my attention to touch. I'm paying attention to how I open the cabinet, twist the top off a bottle, feel the towel as I dry off my legs, feel the click of the keys on my keyboard, the touch of my face as I put on moisturizer. This may sound funny, but as a massage therapist I rarely got a manicure because there was no point. Last week, I specifically got my fingernails painted to help me practice being more gentle with my touch. It's working :)
These small shifts done in a day feel liberating and add so much more peacefulness. I wish you to have that experience, too. What are the things you enjoy doing that you could savor more by doing them slowly, with more presence? What are everyday tasks you do that you could do slower and with more care? What small kindnesses can you offer yourself? How can you bring yourself into sensing more? I welcome you to share with me what you discover. Most important is to know that to really make a shift you have to stay with it. Be steadfast in your practice and it will serve you. At least, that is what I am finding and I don't want to go back to the old way. The choice is in every moment.
🙏
Jean
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