Take In The Small Movements

 

The swell of the holidays and winter breaks has subsided and now we are here in the thick of winter. Stores are jumping on our need to have a new thing to get ready for, as if we must have something to excite us next. They are showering us with everything red and pink and aisles full of hearts. But it's likely what our hearts need to carry us through to the shore of spring isn't wrapped in a bow. It is more likely to be found in acknowledging the small steps we are taking that we can so easily overlook.

The initial inspired drive that comes with the first week of the year and the renewed sense of starting fresh can quickly wane if we don't sense ourselves making progress or moving in the direction we want to go. We are quick to dismiss ourselves as not doing/being enough only a week or two into the year and then start to lose sight of our intentions. I'm not talking about goals, but those things we named for ourselves that we really want to nourish.

But, I am happy to remind you of what I have been reminding myself lately --though big sweeping steps are enormously fulfilling, it's the small, more humble everyday movements where we need to focus our attention. Each time we do one seemingly minor thing in a direction we value, it is worth explicitly noting it to ourselves. We have to give our brain and body a chance to take in what we did so that we stay inspired. Recognizing them is vital in helping us to feel full, capable, enough right now. 

My invitation this week is for you to note to yourself each positive choice you make. Don't downplay it, don't compare it to yesterday, or to someone else, don't cancel it out with something else. Be present to it now and let that seed get watered in recognition so that it flourishes more. All the small things you think, say, and do are worth noticing. See how it feels different if you do this explicitly for a week. For example, if your intention is to exercise and you did today, then note it for yourself. If it is to drink more water, when you drink even a sip, note it. If you had a kind thought about yourself or someone else, note it; if you dropped a habitual perspective and brought in a new one, note it! These are no small things.

It is said in meditation practice, no matter how long our mind wanders or how often, that moment of recognizing that we have drifted and choose to return to our breath is the most important moment. That's the awakening. That's the moment of choosing. Noting each positive move we make that is aligned with what matters to us, no matter how minor we think it is, is an awakening. 

Wishing you a week where you take in all the beautiful movements you make.

❤️❄️
Jean

Finding Peace in The Middle

It is such an important thing to remember -- that we do have the power to protect our peace. It's up to us whether we do it or not. If I open the news more than once a day, if I watch violent shows night after night (when my addiction to British crime shows is in full force), if I respond to myself critically every time I look in the mirror, I am not protecting my peace. To protect it is to look out for what is harmful. It also doesn't mean avoiding what is difficult, too, or we wouldn't do anything. There is a Middle Way.

The Buddha taught the path of the Middle Way as avoiding extremes and removing concepts which get in the way of experiencing what's here. The Middle Way is this week's theme and it has all to do with powerfully protecting our peace. The power is not self-serving as power can often be, but inclusive and life honoring. You can have a listen to Sunday's talk on the subject here. The Middle Way is not always so easy and, often, we are navigating it even when we don't know it.

The example I used in this morning's A Mindful Life group was that last week, I was driving my son to the train station to meet his bus for school. He didn't have the jacket he would have worn at our house. Insisting that he needed one, I got another one into the car, but not on his long teenage body. On the drive, he refused to put it on, saying he didn't need it. It was a cold day and even colder where his school is 40 minutes away. Finding myself getting frustrated with his resistance and in a very mom-like manner, I said, "what if your bus breaks down and you have to get out along the highway or some country road and wait for another bus?" He calmly replied, "well then, I will be cold; I will regret my decision, and will have learned my lesson." He was right. I sighed loudly in exasperation and let it go. I realized later that we found the Middle Way in that moment. How is that? No, he didn't wear half a jacket, or wear it just for the car ride to the bus, but he was willing to take responsibility for his actions. And with that acknowledgment from him, I could let it go. To me, this is the Middle Way. We met there. It doesn't always get me exactly what I want, but that's the point. There is more than just me here.

We navigate the Middle Way more than we realize and often it is tough because it requires awareness, acceptance, letting go, seeing through another lens. So many things. But this is the more peaceful way, even if it doesn't feel like it in the moment.

I shared with the group some ideas we can try on to help us to open, to be more flexible, to allow, to let go a little so that we can move toward middle ground. I am happy to share them with all of you. The next time you find yourself in a stalemate, stuck in opposing views about something with a child, a partner, a friend, a co-worker, see if any of these help to open what feels rigid or righteous in you.

• Seeing the whole situation with “soft eyes” (not laser beams intensely focused on one spot)
• Bringing in compassion (for the whole situation)
• Allowing for “don't know mind” (we tend to think we know more than we actually do; what if we allow for the possibility that we don't know what’s absolutely right/wrong, true?)
• Accepting what's here
• Letting go/ being flexible
• Remembering our non-separation and interdependence; we are all human and vulnerable

All of these can help us shift, even just a little, toward the middle. What does it feel like in your body if you try one on with a situation in your life? Just a slight movement is enough to make a difference. We are the protectors of our peace and it happens in process, in relation, with the world around us. So let us practice together. Be gentle in the process because it is challenging, but it is worth the freedom and peace it brings.

Wishing everyone a good week of navigating life. Be healthy and happy.
❤️❄️
Jean

P.S. One way to protect your peace is to be a part of a mindful community and have a dedicated time and space to practice. This is the week to register for the classes and groups that begin next week. Register for the Beginning Meditation Series on zoom or in-person. And A Mindful Life groups start their next 8-week segments.

Moving Beyond Fear

Talk from New Year's Day:

When we have to let something go, we often realize just how special that thing was. Being here with you on this New Year’s Day feels like one of those sweet moments of remembering that our being able to gather is a gift. I am equally grateful that we can be together in both of these forms this year. Technology has allowed us to stay together and many of you have been attending virtually since the start of this pandemic. If it was not for you, I don’t think we would be here today. It shows the strength of this mindful community. I feel very grateful sitting here with you.

A couple of weeks ago, I went for a walk in an area of South Mountain Reservation that I hadn’t been to since before the flooding of Hurricane Ida in September. As is the case on many of the wide trails in the woods, there is now a deep chasm running down the middle of the path where the water forged its own path. In places it looks like a deep crack in the earth. As I stood there looking at the uphill path, I couldn’t help but feel how the pandemic feels like it created a chasm, too. The path has always been rocky, that’s just the nature of life, but the pandemic dug a deep groove into our way of being. Life, as we know it, has been changed. 

My friend Dorri recently offered the image that 2020 was like the stone dropped into a pond and 2021 was all about the ripples it created (I might say a large boulder and the waves it created). And while there was some relief in 2021 in being able to gradually connect more, do more, be more free, and open up again, there was also much struggle and hardship. “Relief” doesn’t quite fit because for many it was a more difficult year, a different kind of struggle from the previous one. The after effects took hold and are still taking hold. And now we have this new wave, while less life threatening (if you are vaccinated), it is deeply disrupting. The psychological and emotional toll is still working itself out and likely will be for some time and I think this is important to acknowledge.

However, I’d like to propose tonight that 2022 could be a year we proactively move beyond fear, which is the title of my talk tonight and my theme for this year: Moving Beyond Fear. I think it is fair to say that fear may have been the most dominant emotion raised in the past two years. It’s always there, of course – there’s love and there’s fear and we move in between them, but fear has largely been in the spotlight. Beyond COVID, there has been an abundance of fear driving our societal issues, our politics, our economy, our movement toward greater social equality and justice. The message of fear has pervaded our lives in a much greater way than it has to. 

What if we choose to meet this ‘22, not under the grip of fear and not under anger (which can come up in response to fear). What if we took back our inner freedom by letting go of our often habitual responses to what feels uncertain, unknown, threatening. It’s not that we can eliminate fear, but we don’t have to be governed by it. It doesn’t have to be in the driver’s seat. 

In many of my talks and writings this year, I’ve been emphasizing that while so much is out of our control in life and how learning to let go is vital to our peace of mind, there are things that we do get to choose and how we think about what is happening and where we put our attention, is one of the only places where we do have control. We can’t necessarily control what thoughts come in or what feelings or sensations arise, but where we take them and what we do with them, how we add onto them or not, how we react to them…this is something meditation, mindfulness, awareness, shows us – that we can choose what we nurture. Of course it takes consistent practice to build that muscle. That’s why we are here.

What if we choose to make ‘22 about getting back into the world, physically, creatively, actively again and allow ourselves to do something that has been impeded – that is to have goals and to dream, play, and find momentum and flow again in what brings out our aliveness? What if we loosened the binds that we have been living under, the binds that kept us laying low, keeping safe, staying small and instead stretch, again. Open, again. Move, again. Be present and engaged in community, again. Active in this one life we have in this body? And of course we still need to make wise choices around our and others’ safety, but psychologically, to exercise those muscles again so that they don’t atrophy. 

When I went on that walk in the woods, I remembered going there by myself, after a few months of the start of the pandemic, and talking about it on a Sunday night – how aware I was of the kind of withdrawing from the world that had taken place inside of me during those more restrictive lockdown months and how, as an introverted person, it made it even more pronounced that I had to get myself out again…that I had to stretch again, even if it was uncomfortable. Being here today is uncomfortable! I definitely have stretched over the past year, but now I’m now seeing the effects around me on so many people who aren’t picking up their lives again. Where fear is still the predominant feeling guiding people’s actions (or non-action).

We all know that when we don’t use something, we lose it. My invitation to you tonight, to choose to move beyond fear, can be applied to any threat that you might be feeling that is changing your actions, that stops you from doing something, from feeling something, that keeps you from living. It is going to take conscious, clear intention to return. Any time we get knocked off of our path, after we allow ourselves to stumble for a while, we must decide with conviction that we will get back on again. And so this is what 2022 can be about. Get back to being fully engaged in our activities and with others. We need people; we need contact; we need accountability; we need to show up.

Winter is a great time to look inside and sense what it is we tell ourselves that holds us back. To look deeply into fear. It’s the only way to shift toward love. To do that inner work of listening and tending to ourselves with kindness so that we can love more, be more present and in awe of what’s here and then create from being inspired. When I was reflecting on what gets me to move beyond fear, passion is what came. When I am passionate about something I believe in, it drives action. Passion is what has me here. We can let what inspires us be in the driver’s seat. Consume what inspires you. That might require us to stop consuming and watering fear. We consume fear every time we open the news, or listen to talk radio, or rehash what’s wrong with the people around us, again and again. We consume it every time we stop doing something or feeling something that our heart is asking of us. Every time we give in to doubt and insecurity. We don’t have to let these current conditions be the reason we don’t engage in what makes us connect, love, and create. 

So you might ask yourself right now, “what inspires me to move beyond fear.” Take a moment, close your eyes and let yourself find what it is. You might call up a moment when you did something where you felt fearful, but did it anyway. What enabled you to do it? Right now, what does it feel like in your body to call it up? Let yourself take some full breaths with that energy. Watering it right now. Welcome it into this New Year. 

We will always have things that scare us in life. This is a wild place that we are born into. It just is. If we are truthful with ourselves and able to admit to our vulnerability, we know this to be true that fear is a part of life. What do we do with it though? We can curl up into a ball and cower and sometimes we will. We can harden our hearts from it and sometimes we will. And sometimes, we can face it with presence, tend to the pain of it with compassion and kindness, and then recognize that nothing can really be taken from us because we were never separate to begin with. Remembering our non-separation can free us to create and move and act. To move beyond fear is to know that we are connected and we can courageously show up. 

May you all walk bravely into this year and feel inspired in connection, love and creation.

Honoring Darkness

In the summer, as a kid, my mom etched the sun into my psyche. She made it clear that while she was at work, my brother and I should be outside, not in the house watching TV or at any indoor facility. We should be in the light. To this day, if the sun is out, I don’t feel right being inside. At least some moment of the day should be spent soaking in some Vitamin D (and this was engrained in me in the 80’s before Vitamin D was something prescribed!). As you might imagine, winters were not favored in my household. I wonder, now, had we embraced the darkness and found ways to be in it that felt good, if a whole part of the year could have been more rewarding and not something to get through.

Here we are, again, at the shortest day of the year, where there is more darkness than light and I am delighted to meet it. Each year I feel more excited about honoring this period of darkness and its subtle turn toward light as something organic, essential, and valuable. It’s certainly a lot more empowering and peaceful choosing to enter into it and letting it envelope me like a warm sleeping bag rather than fight it.

It makes sense that the darkness can be uncomfortable for those who like to know, who like clarity and being able to see what’s here. The dark represents the unknown, what we can’t see, what is mysterious. It calls us inside. It asks for a different, quieter, listening, sensing energy. For those who like to “do” this can clash with the need for action, movement, and the satisfaction that comes with feeling productive throughout many hours of the day. But, darkness has its own purpose and if we don’t fear it or resist it, it can offer many gifts to us. 

My invitation is to take a pause tonight to honor the winter solstice. To stop with sun’s stillness and enjoy the turning of this circle where light will start to lengthen the days once again. Trusting in the process and enjoying the process, we don’t have rush to get to the light. It will come, but in the meantime, what is this moment of darkness like? How might we enjoy it right now? And what gifts can you find in the dark?

Happy Winter Solstice. To those celebrating, I wish you a joyful and very Merry Christmas.

❄️❤️🎄
Jean

The Power of "No"

This week, I am sharing the words from my talk on Sunday night. My  daughter, when she was 7, was brilliant at expressing the energy of "no." Her arms naturally folded across her body and her look was so intense, it was hard not to laugh (out of a mixture of amusement and fear!). Here are some words to go with this energy...oh and she gave me permission to share this photo.

While our meditation tonight was on saying “yes” and opening to what’s here, this talk is about honoring the energy of  “no.”

We all face things in life where the energy of “no” rises up. It could be around some responsibility that we have to handle that we don’t want to, a change that we want to make, but resist because we don’t know how to make it happen, or it feels too difficult, or because it would require us to be vulnerable and “not know” something. We can have this experience around something in our careers, relationship, habits (for example, it could surface around eating and knowing we need to make a change that would be beneficial), or anything having to do with self-care, our creative lives, finances, or it could surface around an attitude we have with ourselves that we no longer want (for example, I no longer want to look in the mirror and judge my body). You likely get the gist -- there is something we want or maybe something we simply have to do, but the energy of “no”  or resistance is there.

Sometimes we don’t even realize that we have the energy of “no” around it, but every suggestion, every offer, every chance to begin is met with an excuse why it won’t work, or we can’t do it that way, or it’s not the right time, etc. Those can feel so true that it doesn't actually seem like we are saying “no,” but we are. They feel like legitimate reasons and so we don’t move. This is where our defenses can rise up, too. Just so you know you are not alone in this, how many of you recognize this experience? [I think everyone raised their hand when asked].

It takes some honesty and vulnerability to admit to, but when we can, we can find the humor in this very human experience. Rather than judge it, we can honor the “no.” I had this image of all of us collectively taking out the child in us that is kicking and screaming "no," and putting them in a safely padded room together to run amok for a little while. A place where they let the “no” get exhausted out of them. When we don’t admit to the resistance, feel the stuckness and share it, it can become hardened, feel shameful, or cause depression. Instead we don't have to be alone with it and the more we share it, the more we recognize that we all go through this and we can laugh with ourselves.  

How can we bring the energy of mindfulness to this energy of “no?” I invite you to call up something in your life where maybe you want to do something, or maybe need to take action, but there’s something in the way.

1. The first step is to know it’s there. Awareness. Being able to admit to the energy of “no” without excuses. Simply name it. 

2. The next step is to feel the “no.” To not judge the resistance, but make room for it, what does it actually feel like in your body -- this thing that needs action, but it’s not happening, where you feel stuck or resistant, or like it can’t happen. Does it have a sensation? Do you feel it held somewhere? To move into the physical experience of “no” and allow for it to be felt. Can you breathe right there. And now, what’s the feeling underneath the “no?”

3. The third step would be to bring in compassion. This is to recognize that there is a large part of ourselves who knows we want or need to say, “yes,” to take a next step, to lean in and do what feels hard, but something is in the way and that, alone, is a hard thing to experience (we may not even know what’s in the way, but we feel it). We all know what this is like (to feel this inner conflict) and just as we would have compassion for someone else in this place, we can have it for ourselves. It’s important to note that having compassion won’t mean that it excuses us or lets us “off” from doing, but it can soften the edges so that we can open. When we are hardened, defensive, there’s no opening to receive. We can’t get creative. So compassion opens a space. This step takes some time. We may just have to sit for a while, practicing compassion before we can move on. Once we are on our own side, a friend to ourselves, then we are more likely able to face what’s hard. If we try to face what’s difficult when we are already giving ourselves a hard time, it makes it that much harder.

4. The next step would be to connect to the motivation. Why move in this direction? What value(s) of yours does it bring out? What is the energy in the body as you remember why? When we are refreshed on the reasons why, and not just intellectually, but we really connect with the felt experience of why (what would it feel like inside), we let the goodness behind it fill us. From here, we can ask, what is a step we can take?” It can be small. We don’t have to worry about the next step after that. We can simply take this step. And if after this step we have to do this process all over again to take the next step, we do just that. 

Remember that there is no timeline for this. Unless you decide on one, no one else is keeping tabs. There are no rewards at the end. Just your own feeling of accomplishment, purpose, meaning, connection. You do this for you because it matters to you. 

When we can honor the “no,” then we can say, “yes.”

🙏❄️
Jean