It is such an important thing to remember -- that we do have the power to protect our peace. It's up to us whether we do it or not. If I open the news more than once a day, if I watch violent shows night after night (when my addiction to British crime shows is in full force), if I respond to myself critically every time I look in the mirror, I am not protecting my peace. To protect it is to look out for what is harmful. It also doesn't mean avoiding what is difficult, too, or we wouldn't do anything. There is a Middle Way.
The Buddha taught the path of the Middle Way as avoiding extremes and removing concepts which get in the way of experiencing what's here. The Middle Way is this week's theme and it has all to do with powerfully protecting our peace. The power is not self-serving as power can often be, but inclusive and life honoring. You can have a listen to Sunday's talk on the subject here. The Middle Way is not always so easy and, often, we are navigating it even when we don't know it.
The example I used in this morning's A Mindful Life group was that last week, I was driving my son to the train station to meet his bus for school. He didn't have the jacket he would have worn at our house. Insisting that he needed one, I got another one into the car, but not on his long teenage body. On the drive, he refused to put it on, saying he didn't need it. It was a cold day and even colder where his school is 40 minutes away. Finding myself getting frustrated with his resistance and in a very mom-like manner, I said, "what if your bus breaks down and you have to get out along the highway or some country road and wait for another bus?" He calmly replied, "well then, I will be cold; I will regret my decision, and will have learned my lesson." He was right. I sighed loudly in exasperation and let it go. I realized later that we found the Middle Way in that moment. How is that? No, he didn't wear half a jacket, or wear it just for the car ride to the bus, but he was willing to take responsibility for his actions. And with that acknowledgment from him, I could let it go. To me, this is the Middle Way. We met there. It doesn't always get me exactly what I want, but that's the point. There is more than just me here.
We navigate the Middle Way more than we realize and often it is tough because it requires awareness, acceptance, letting go, seeing through another lens. So many things. But this is the more peaceful way, even if it doesn't feel like it in the moment.
I shared with the group some ideas we can try on to help us to open, to be more flexible, to allow, to let go a little so that we can move toward middle ground. I am happy to share them with all of you. The next time you find yourself in a stalemate, stuck in opposing views about something with a child, a partner, a friend, a co-worker, see if any of these help to open what feels rigid or righteous in you.
- Seeing the whole situation with “soft eyes” (not laser beams intensely focused on one spot)
- Bringing in compassion (for the whole situation)
- Allowing for “don't know mind” (we tend to think we know more than we actually do; what if we allow for the possibility that we don't know what’s absolutely right/wrong, true?)
- Accepting what's here
- Letting go/ being flexible
- Remembering our non-separation and interdependence; we are all human and vulnerable
All of these can help us shift, even just a little, toward the middle. What does it feel like in your body if you try one on with a situation in your life? Just a slight movement is enough to make a difference. We are the protectors of our peace and it happens in process, in relation, with the world around us. So let us practice together. Be gentle in the process because it is challenging, but it is worth the freedom and peace it brings.
Wishing everyone a good week of navigating life. Be healthy and happy.
❤️❄️
Jean
P.S. One way to protect your peace is to be a part of a mindful community and have a dedicated time and space to practice. This is the week to register for the classes and groups that begin next week. Register for the Beginning Meditation Series on zoom or in-person. And A Mindful Life groups start their next 8-week segments.
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