Are You Allowed To Be Happy?

 

Dear Friends,
 

We do an exercise in my groups where we lay out before us what is weighing on us, what keeps us from feeling okay. In the past couple of weeks, I've had the delight of not having much to lay out. It leaves me asking, why then is it so hard to allow myself to enjoy this happiness? Certainly with the world facing so many issues, it’s not as though there aren’t things to be concerned about. But in my personal life, I can’t say any major things are dragging on me right now. Yes, our dryer is broken, the dishwasher is broken, my car tire needs air (again), I have mood swinging teenagers (enough said), but I don’t count those as heavy weights. I’m aware that this time is a gift I could enjoy. I am also aware that it will change. Why not, while things are flowing, just enjoy the flow? Why is it so hard to relax even when the conditions are saying, “yes, you can?”

I know I am not alone in this difficulty of allowing myself to rest in the peacefulness of a moment, whether it's an hour, a week, a month, or a season of life. For some it’s the feeling of anticipating when the other shoe will drop and so there’s no letting one’s guard down. That’s not it for me. I know a shoe will drop at some point and I’m not anxious about it. It’s more a feeling that I must not be doing something that I “should” be doing, not working hard enough. More simply put, that I am not enough. I can't possibly deserve to feel this good (as if we need to deserve it at all!). That’s both funny and sad at the same time. 

Sunday night, while millions of people were watching the Super Bowl, 10 of us were meditating and listening to the words of Teacher Thich Nhat Hanh on the subject of getting hooked on some idea of happiness. The notion that I’ll be happy when______ (this issue is resolved; when winter is over; when that project is behind me; when my back stops hurting; when this relationship is better; when my kitchen is renovated; when I move; when that president is out of office; when I make more money; when I know my kids are turning out alright…the list goes on. And that’s because it does always go on. It’s just an illusion that our happiness is tied to something. The issue lies in our human inclination toward craving and desire. We don’t have to make it a bad thing either. It just is. The awareness is what matters. “Oh, I am believing that if only ______, then I’ll be okay.” The awareness helps us step back from it and see more broadly. From here, rather than try to fix it or judge ourselves for falling for the illusion, we can access compassion for this human struggle that everyone, everywhere contends with. To be caught in a web is hard.

Thich Nhat Hanh would say that “happiness is found in the present moment.” To understand this, we have to know how to let go. To let go of our perceptions of how things should be so that we can open up our narrowed vision to see more of what’s actually here. To let go of the past and the future so we don't miss the beauty present right now. Letting go is not easy, but it is the key to our happiness.

If I were to let go of thinking that there is something more I need to be and that this moment of happiness is my true home, not a place I get to visit, but the place I can continually abide, a great wave of ease washes over me. 

Wishing you moments of allowing yourself to be content and, dare I say, happy, joyful, peaceful. We all have that capacity and we are all worthy of feeling it. It is the way to change the world for the better. After all, how can unhappy, anxious people make a joyful, generous, loving, free world? The best gift we can give is our happiness, our being content, at peace, at ease.

💖
Jean

P.S. I’ve got a workshop on letting go coming up in March. If you are not in A Mindful Life (we will be covering it in this segment), please join me for an exploration on a subject which is at the core of our happiness and one we will approach with care. More coming soon!