Freedom From Suffering?

It's taken a long time. I think I finally have it, this thing about suffering. No longer will I say in exasperation, "why is this self-doubt or why is this _____ issue still here?" My mind, which wants me to believe I will get to a place where something no longer causes me pain, has been rewired with a deeper understanding that feels much more true. I thought I already had this down, but there are subtle layers of understanding that take time to unpeel. 

There is freedom from suffering and it is not what we often think (and maybe not what we want to hear!). It is the freedom to let suffering happen without thinking something is "wrong" and must be fixed or that it "shouldn't" be there. It doesn't mean we don't do anything to bring relief when we can, but the subtle, yet powerful shift comes when we let go of thinking we shouldn't have to experience it or that there is a way out of it, once and for all.

The way out of suffering is by letting ourselves be in it when it's here. It is contrary to what we often try to do. We think if we understand the issue more (no amount of therapy will remove all suffering), or if we medicate it, smoke, drink, consume it away, we will be free of pain. I wish that were true. Suffering is a part of life.

What does it mean to be in it? It means when we are in the midst of any difficult feeling -- self-doubt, self-criticism, feeling not enough, anxiety, anger, loneliness, we remove the idea that it's not okay. We experience it and remove the judgement. No good, no bad; it may be uncomfortable, but it is what it is,  a sensation, a feeling we can be with and one that will change. 

How do we not get in the way so that suffering can come and go?

1. Awareness. We need to know what's arising to give it room so that our habitual, self-preserving instincts don't kick in to lock the door. Meditation, therapy, self-reflection, integrative body/mind work on a regular basis keeps us aware. It doesn't have to be a big deal, or even an expensive one (groups, free meditations, journaling practices, all can do the trick) -- something that gives us space, time, room to lean in and meet ourselves with compassion, kindness, and presence.

2. Allow the issue to be there as a felt experience, simply something we are experiencing in our body and mind. It will change. "Right now, it feels like this."

3. Compassion. This is the human condition. We are not alone in it. We can offer comfort by reminding ourselves that it's okay to feel this way. What a relief to know that there is nothing wrong with us for having a hard experience. We all do at times and it's not all there is to us.

My invitation this week is when you experience a hard feeling, let yourself be in it and don't add anything more onto it.  The whole experience of living lightens when we allow suffering to exist. Only then can it move through us and we can access all that is not suffering in and around us -- the beauty, the joy, the excitement, the laughter, the inspiration, the feeling of love and connection. Thank goodness because life, in all its complexity, is amazing.