Thursday, September 1, 2022

Working With Anxiety

 

This week's A Mindful Pause was shared on Sunday night in my talk (hence its length). You can listen to the recorded talk here, but I wanted to include it in written form so that you could come back to the ideas easily.  

The fall is coming. Leaves are falling with some yellow and red speckled here and there. The fall usually comes with a shift in our behaviors; we tend to get busier in a different kind of way than in summer. One of the things that can happen when I get busier is that my anxiety levels rise a bit. It can also happen when there is too much time on our hands, but I thought this might be a good time to talk about how we can use mindfulness and Buddhist teachings to help us with anxiety. If you're not feeling particularly anxious in this month of August, as I am not particularly anxious right now, it can be a great time to do this work of exploring and reinforcing what we can rely on when we do find ourselves in an anxious state. 

As I thought about applying the principles of mindfulness and Buddhism to anxiety, I noticed that these three beliefs tend to go with an anxious mind state, 1) the false idea that we are in control and are failing at it, 2) the false idea that things are permanent and fixed, and 3) the belief that we are separate from what’s going on, independent of what’s around us (which reinforces the idea that we are in control; this way of thinking can also have us believe that things are happening to us, rather than see the larger picture of our connection to all of what is manifesting).

To make this more concrete, I will use an example. If I were to have a health issue going on, I could fall prey to the false idea that I control everything that happens in my body. I can start to believe that my body is not supposed to change, get old, grow unwanted things. I could forget to see that my health is intertwined with much more than me. Genes have been passed down. There are environmental conditions to consider, as well as my emotional well-being which effects my health. My emotional health involves a huge host of complicated factors and conditions that extend beyond me. I am part of a large ecosystem of life.

The teachings on no-self (no-separate self), impermanence, and inter-being (interconnection) can help us loosen the grip of anxiety. The hardest part of these concepts is remembering them in the moment, but that’s why we talk about them again and again. We can make them more and more accessible by bringing them into our everyday life and practice seeing them daily. We can go out the door remembering impermanence. Everything here is changing. I can brush my hair and recognize that it is impermanent. As I walk out my front door and look at the blue flower pots on either side of the steps, I can notice the flowers that have wilted and are falling back into the soil and the ones just blooming. I can remember inter-being by looking at my food and my body and see how they inter-are (as Thich Nhat Hanh has taught so well). The food I eat is what I am made of and what I send back into the earth. Made largely of water, I can see the rain and know the water inside of me is the same. As I drive to an appointment, I can notice myself getting frustrated at hitting every red light and see my desire to control. Or, when the store is out of the yogurt I want, or my kids or my spouse aren’t doing what I think they should be doing I can smile at my  wanting things to go the way I want them to and release it. Every time I buy something, I can think about what impact it is having –- what it supports, what it may take away from, what it nourishes in me or in others, or not. Awareness, awareness, awareness. It is what will liberate us.

Seeing no-self, impermanence, and inter-being in our daily lives…making it a regular part is one way we can move away from rigidity and soften, helping to loosen the grip of anxiety. No big deal, just regular, daily practice.

But, in a state of anxiousness itself, what we can practice are the four brahma-viharas: love, compassion, joy, and equanimity. I suggest we put them into a practical  exercise we can use. With anything that you may be feeling anxious about, ask yourself these four questions. They can be meditated upon. Just take one at a time, ask the question and wait. See what comes and slowly repeat back what you hear. Listen with your whole being, not just your intellect. There may be more than one response for each question. Or, it can be done as journaling prompts.

  1. How can I bring love into this situation? What would meeting it with loving energy look like?

  2. How can I bring compassion into this situation? Compassion for myself, the other, and the whole situation. And compassion for anyone else also experiencing this, because I am surely not the only one.

  3. How can I find joy in this situation? This can be more challenging with something difficult, but gratefulness feels like a simple way to access joy. What about this can I feel gratitude around? (For example, with a health issue, it could be grateful for the care I am receiving, or for the medicine we have, or the support of others along the way, or thanks to myself for doing what I need to take care of myself -- having the courage to take care of what's here).

  4. How can I see this issue with greater equanimity? See it as it really is and not add onto it (judgements, assumptions about it). Not make it something that shouldn't be here.

Spending time to contemplate these questions can open our way of seeing and get us out of a narrow perspective that tends to cause suffering. Maybe we can't get rid of our anxiety altogether, but we can lessen it and take care of it.

Since we are of the nature to forget all these tools we know, I welcome you to refresh yourself whenever you need. Save this email, find it on my blog, or in my talks. I need remembering, too.


🌻

Jean

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