Thank YOU!

 

Dear Friends,

I'm sending a second email this week because the content deserves a space of its own -- a space to share my deep thanks for YOU.

I am gifted with seeing over 75 people each week in all the different meditations and groups at my studio and online. There are the numerous people who read my emails,  people I don't see. You all matter to me. You all make a difference. Though you may not see each other outside of what you do, I would love for you to know that you are part of something so much larger! I am well aware that without each one of you, the mindful community would not exist, and without everyone's generosity I could not be of service in the same capacity that I currently am. I feel blessed and I am so grateful. 

What I feel this Thanksgiving is the abundance that is made of YOU. I am always amazed by the courage I see in anyone who practices living with awareness,  mindfulness, the willingness to reflect, and the dedication to grow in presence.  

So thank you...
~ For allowing me into your minds, hearts, and bodies and for sharing with me
~ For forgiving my mistakes in speech and actions because I have surely made some
~ For having the courage to open, to be quiet & still, even with your to-do lists revving in the background and the voice in your head that tells you to "do" something
~ For allowing yourself the patience to listen to yourself & to others
~ For being willing to not know, to try on, to reflect, to be vulnerable, to be curious
~ For trying again and again when something matters to you, though it is hard
~ For recognizing when your perceptions & judgements are blocking love & understanding
~ For forgiving yourself
~ For remembering to see what is well and good and all the ways you are full
~ For your kindness and compassion 
~ For being your genuine self
~ For showing up

These are no small things, though we often forget to acknowledge them. These things you do nourish us all. Thank you.

As your presence fills me in ways I know and may not know, may you, too, feel full today and everyday from all you receive and give. May you be happy and healthy. May you be safe and may this holiday add warmth and love to your week.

🙏
Jean

What Do You Want To Bring To The Table?

 

My favorite holiday is upon us. For me, Thanksgiving feels devoid of some of the pressures other holidays can carry. It feels simply about the company we keep, the food we eat, and giving thanks. Not a bad combination. But, as with many holidays, there are relationships to navigate and even the best of them can be complicated. Buttons gets pushed. Many views get expressed. Simple ways of doing things like how to set the table, how to cut the turkey, or what time the meal should be served can cause small or large frictions. Of course they do! It's just the complexity of humans relating and having differing needs. My invitation in this week's Mindful Pause is to assist you in being aligned with what you value in order to be as you most want to be this holiday -- in your listening, speaking, and acting -- so that you can feel good.

When we are aware of what tends to happen inside of us when we are around certain friends or family, we have an opportunity to choose how we want to meet our next interaction. No matter what the other brings, we can set an intention to stay connected to what matters to us when we are in their company. But to do this, we have to practice it, imagine it, get close to it so that in the moment our heart is ready to respond from a place of genuine care and connection. 

To help set intentions, I welcome you to reflect on these questions before your holiday. You can do them as a journaling exercise or read them and close your eyes, come back to your breath, and feel into each question. Try to listen for your answer with your whole body, not just your intellect.

• How would you like to be in yourself this Thanksgiving? How do you want to meet it? What qualities or ways of being would you like to bring out in yourself that feel more true to you? Find words that resonate as you say them.
• What would help you to do that (in your body, with your emotions and thoughts, and in your actions)? You might first bring yourself there in your mind, with the people who will be there and feel what tends to go on (the energy, kinds of behaviors, conversations) and without needing to change any of that, what can you do to remind yourself to stay centered and grounded in your intention to meet this moment with the quality you said above? How would you embody what you value? For example, I know I need to slow my words down, feel myself breathing as I listen, feel the ground underneath me, let go of the need to control.
• Once you get a clear, felt picture (an image may come), breathe with it for a handful of breaths, savoring this way of being. Try it on again as many times as you want before the holiday and water those seeds in you.

When we talk about changing our habitual patterns of being with people, I think it can be a relief to know that though we aspire to be more present with ourselves and others, we don't have to get it "right." Don't look for perfect or to have a radically different experience, just shift slightly closer to who you really are.

That person you can imagine yourself being is who you are. We can easily get pulled into a forceful current of habit, history, and culture. It takes deep awareness, will, and care to not get sucked in. The fact that you care to do it differently is beautiful in itself. Even if you say the thing you wish you hadn't or you act in a way that doesn't feel like your true self, you can compassionately look back and reimagine what you could have said or done and know you can try again the next time. We retrain ourselves gradually over time. 

Wishing everyone a very happy Thanksgiving week.

🙏🌻
Jean 

Did You Leave Yourself?

Lately in my groups when we pair up to listen and share about an exercise, I’ll ask everyone to pause at some point and come back to their breath and notice if they “left themselves” when they were listening or speaking. Do you know how you can be in a conversation and not be very aware of your own body, feelings, needs or surroundings? It’s no easy task to stay present to ourselves or to the moment as we do anything. It becomes especially challenging to do when we add another living being to the mix! Being present to the other’s energy and needs while also present to our own can often be difficult to navigate. This is why mindful communication is a deep on-going practice. And, wow, does this world need more of it! The Buddha understood this which is why Right Speech is one of the practices on the Noble Eightfold Path. It’s called Right Speech, but Right Speech involves deep listening.

We live in a time when we have extensive technological means to communicate and yet people are lonely and deeply longing for meaningful connection. One way to improve connection with others is to first improve it with ourselves. We can pay attention to when we disconnect from ourselves as we listen and speak. By centering ourselves in our felt experience, we can reconnect and be more present to whatever is before us ( (i.e. a living being, an activity, nature).

This might sound counterintuitive. We can think that to be present to someone in communication is to put ourselves aside as we listen and only take in the other person. But there is another way and that is to be present to ourselves and the other at the same time. We don’t have to lose ourselves in the other in order to be present. In fact, when we do that, we often lose awareness, because we are hyper-focused. Our vision can narrow. We stop using all our senses and it can be harder to be authentic when we do respond because we are not listening to what is arising in ourselves that has valuable information.

It’s easy to think that mindful communication is all about our brain choosing the “right” words and reminding ourselves to pay attention, but it is so much more than an intellectual process. To be present requires our whole body because we are here in a body. We forget that we can listen, process, and speak with our whole body. When we do, we gain so much more information and insight. Here’s what I mean…

I can pay attention as I listen and become more aware of what's happening in my physical body. Am I starting to contract somewhere? Is my breath getting shallow? Is my heart beating faster? Am I leaning forward in anticipation, excitement, or in an effort to understand? Am I starting to feel heavy or tired, shutting down, or am I gaining energy and aliveness? Am I feeling more relaxed, at ease?

When I speak, am I sensing what it's like to say whatever it is I’m saying? Am I taking enough time to align my words to what I’m actually wanting to convey? Am I rushing to get words out because I think I need to have a quick, immediate response, or because someone else may jump in before I get a chance to say anything? Am I speaking just to speak, to take up space, or fill the gaps? Do I need to say what I am saying? Have I already said this many times, if so, what am I looking to get from it this time? We’re looking not for self-judgment, but awareness and the power to choose?

I know, for myself, when I am interacting socially, I can “leave myself” out of nervousness, when I don’t take my time, or when I feel rushed. If the talk is fast or loud, I might try to meet it with the same energy even though it doesn’t bring me a sense of connection, or leave me feeling fulfilled by the interaction. I leave myself when I think I need to plan a response, help, fix, or impress, rather than feel what just went on and wait and see what comes that feels authentic and meaningful. I leave myself when I am worried about being judged or when I start comparing myself. My go to when I start to feel this is to feel myself breathing and to sense the ground underneath me or my weight in my seat and to be aware and even let go of what’s contracting.

My invitation this week is to bring the same quality of attention to our speaking and listening as we do in sitting meditation. Slowing down to pause, sense, and feel what arises in the body, mind, and emotions, and then to choose what we say or don’t say. Most of the time, we will forget, or realize in retrospect what was going on, but that’s ok. We’re not looking for perfect, just micro-moments of awareness and deliberate choice in our communication. This way, we can avoid being swept up in a current, not aware of the feel of the water, what direction we are going, what we need, or if we even want to be in the water at all. It’s very powerful to be with ourselves and others in this way.

🍁
Jean