What Do You Want To Bring To The Table?

 

My favorite holiday is upon us. For me, Thanksgiving feels devoid of some of the pressures other holidays can carry. It feels simply about the company we keep, the food we eat, and giving thanks. Not a bad combination. But, as with many holidays, there are relationships to navigate and even the best of them can be complicated. Buttons gets pushed. Many views get expressed. Simple ways of doing things like how to set the table, how to cut the turkey, or what time the meal should be served can cause small or large frictions. Of course they do! It's just the complexity of humans relating and having differing needs. My invitation in this week's Mindful Pause is to assist you in being aligned with what you value in order to be as you most want to be this holiday -- in your listening, speaking, and acting -- so that you can feel good.

When we are aware of what tends to happen inside of us when we are around certain friends or family, we have an opportunity to choose how we want to meet our next interaction. No matter what the other brings, we can set an intention to stay connected to what matters to us when we are in their company. But to do this, we have to practice it, imagine it, get close to it so that in the moment our heart is ready to respond from a place of genuine care and connection. 

To help set intentions, I welcome you to reflect on these questions before your holiday. You can do them as a journaling exercise or read them and close your eyes, come back to your breath, and feel into each question. Try to listen for your answer with your whole body, not just your intellect.

• How would you like to be in yourself this Thanksgiving? How do you want to meet it? What qualities or ways of being would you like to bring out in yourself that feel more true to you? Find words that resonate as you say them.
• What would help you to do that (in your body, with your emotions and thoughts, and in your actions)? You might first bring yourself there in your mind, with the people who will be there and feel what tends to go on (the energy, kinds of behaviors, conversations) and without needing to change any of that, what can you do to remind yourself to stay centered and grounded in your intention to meet this moment with the quality you said above? How would you embody what you value? For example, I know I need to slow my words down, feel myself breathing as I listen, feel the ground underneath me, let go of the need to control.
• Once you get a clear, felt picture (an image may come), breathe with it for a handful of breaths, savoring this way of being. Try it on again as many times as you want before the holiday and water those seeds in you.

When we talk about changing our habitual patterns of being with people, I think it can be a relief to know that though we aspire to be more present with ourselves and others, we don't have to get it "right." Don't look for perfect or to have a radically different experience, just shift slightly closer to who you really are.

That person you can imagine yourself being is who you are. We can easily get pulled into a forceful current of habit, history, and culture. It takes deep awareness, will, and care to not get sucked in. The fact that you care to do it differently is beautiful in itself. Even if you say the thing you wish you hadn't or you act in a way that doesn't feel like your true self, you can compassionately look back and reimagine what you could have said or done and know you can try again the next time. We retrain ourselves gradually over time. 

Wishing everyone a very happy Thanksgiving week.

🙏🌻
Jean