To Be In Community Is To Remember

“A circle of trust is a group of people who know how to sit quietly "in the woods" with each other and wait for the shy soul to show up. The relationships in such a group are not pushy but patient; they are not confrontational but compassionate; they are filled not with expectations and demands but with abiding faith in the reality of the inner teacher and in each person's capacity to learn from it.”  —Parker Palmer

Dear Friends, This past weekend, 10 women came together for 2 hours to be with the subject of mindfulness and creativity. I always get nervous for these workshops, especially when they are new. I wonder if I am asking the right questions, if what I am presenting will resonate, if the group will connect meaningfully. The truth is, I can never really know and so I have to be with that difficult feeling of uncertainty and show up anyway. What I learn every time with a group or workshop is that it's not about what we do, so much as the connection and community that gets created. When we want to be there and when we are open to being curious about our experience and willing to share authentically, then connection happens and when we connect with ourselves and each other, there is nothing better. And, why is there nothing better than connection? Because our biggest fear, our ultimate fear, is that we will be disconnected from everything. What we forget is that we can't be separated. We are made of everything that is not us and we are also a part of everything past, present and future. So, of course, when we have moments of feeling connected with another or a group, it feels so good because, consciously or not, it helps us to remember.  What I witnessed this weekend were artists, writers, and dabblers connect with themselves and each other. What a gift it was for everyone. They witnessed, related to, and inspired each other and it was beautiful. What was created, even if for only 2 hours, was community. Community matters. On an intellectual level, we know this and yet we find relating can often be so challenging that we imagine having a larger healthy community would be impossible. The more I do this work of leading mindful groups, the more clear it seems that creating a healthy community (and by healthy I mean based in the principles of kindness, generosity, and love), might first require having the experience of being in a smaller one that gives us a sense of belonging, one that helps us to remember our connection, what matters to us, and who we are. One that is specifically intended to create space for ourselves to slow down and practice being present, and to share what that experience is like? What’s it like to get quiet and see what's alive in us. What’s it like to hear what’s alive in another? What’s it like to listen to someone and not have to fix them? What’s it like to “water positive seeds” together? This week, my teenagers and I were listening to Coldplay in the car and Fix You came on. I paused it and asked them, "what's wrong with this song?” “Huh,” they replied? I asked, “what’s wrong with the lyrics?” And then my daughter got it. We can't fix other people, we can only be compassionate with them as they discover and uncover. This is what a community can do. We can hold the space for each other. It is worth all the effort we put into it. What I re-discovered this weekend is that we create community. We create it by what we bring. Even in these times of social distancing, we can find the “us” that’s still here.  🙏🌻 Jean P.S.  If you want to be a part of a mindful community, ask about A Mindful Life and see if it's the kind of space you are looking for. A New group starts next Wednesday night! Or come to workshops, or join the drop-in meditation community. There are so many opportunities to connect and feel a "part of."

What If Our Motivation Was Kindness?

We mark time because it gives us a reference point. Though time is continuous and there is no true beginning or ending, we note a beginning or ending so that we can know where we are relative to a certain point. Marking time helps us to make assessments; it provides guideposts and structure. Like any label, that's all time is, a guidepost, but a necessary one. We mark the year's beginning and naturally, it presents this question, "how do I want to begin?"  

Unfortunately, this time of the year is often one when people make resolutions to "improve" themselves. I suggest that we don't try to improve ourselves but be kind to ourselves and that shift in perspective is no small thing. As we look at what we want to manifest this year, choosing kindness can be all the motivation we need. If what we choose to do for ourselves isn't motivated by kindness, then maybe we should reconsider it! Try it on in these small ways. I brush my teeth to be kind to my teeth. I eat vegetables to be kind to my digestion. I do my laundry to be kind to my belongings that keep me warm, clothed, etc. We can move from doing the "right thing" to truly wanting to take care and it feels very different. 

We don’t need improvement. We need kindness. When we are kind to ourselves, there is the added benefit that we get better at things, but not because we are trying to get better. Just like we don’t need to make our breath get deeper or longer, but just by following it, it tends to do it on its own. Another added benefit is that when we do something motivated by kindness, we generally enjoy the thing.

In my New Year's Day talk, I proposed that we make healing the theme of this year. One of the ways to heal is to bring in kindness. So I invite us all to let kindness be the motivation behind our actions. This doesn't mean it will always feel easy, but it will be driven from love, not lack or fear.

🙏🌻
Jean

Shining The Light: The Best Gift Ever

“People shine not in the glow of your charisma. They shine in the light of your attention for them. It is from that that they can see their own brilliance. They shine when you remind them that they matter.”   -- Nancy Kline

This is the time of the year when acts of giving and receiving are pushed into the limelight. It is the time of the year when lights adorn our rooms, our houses, our trees. There is this other light that Nancy Kline speaks of in her book Time To Think that may be the biggest gift we could give. It is the “light of our attention.”  

As a shy child, the adults who stood out to me were the ones who stopped long enough to really listen and see me. The ones who gave me their undivided attention, not because it was the right thing to do, but because they were truly curious about me. They helped me to see in myself what I could not see and, in those moments, I felt my value. I remember at NYU, I had a professor who sat behind his desk, always with a folded newspaper and an unlit pipe in his mouth. He had a full beard and a voice like the late Sean Connery. I don’t remember what the theme of the class was, but he would take a headline from the paper and ramble until his attention landed on someone in the class. He would then ask their opinion based on their life experiences so far. I remember the time he picked The New Yorker magazine up off of his desk and launched into a talk on the significance of their decision to add advertising to the magazine, which had previously been one of the rare ones splendidly devoid of it. He landed on me that day, bringing up something he knew about my parents growing up around Greenwich Village and wanted to know my opinion. I don’t remember what I could have said, being as shy as I was, but what stood out was not that I said anything brilliant, but that he allowed me feel like I must have brilliance inside of me. He was one of many people throughout my life that helped me to glow. 

The beautiful thing is that we all have that potential to help other people see their brilliance simply by giving them our wholehearted, uninterrupted attention. This season, I have a gift suggestion and it is not one we can buy.

🎁 Gift Ingredients: 

~ Listen with your eyes on theirs, undivided, fully present

~ When they finish speaking, let there be silence. Allow space for their words to land.

~ Don’t offer suggestions, give advice, or fix; trust they have the answers even if they don’t know it yet.

~ Reflect back what they said using their words and ask if you got it right.

~ Give them more time to say more. 

~ Find the nugget of wisdom in what they shared and let them know.

~That’s all. Wrap the gift without becoming the center of it.

To all those people who gave me this attention, wow, am I grateful. May we all do this for each other this season and throughout the year. And when we forget, as I know I do, we simply get to begin again. 

🌻🙏

Jean

Breathing Is Everything

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On Thanksgiving Day, my husband and I took a walk in one of our favorite local places. No one was there. We came out of the woods and stopped on the great lawn stretched before us and breathed in the descending sun. The spacious warmth of that moment is one I can easily recall days later and it brings me home to my breath as I do. Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh says the breath is like an internal massage that nourishes all our organs; the breath massages the whole body from the inside out. Of course it does and yet so much of the time it is so easy to forget that we can experience it this way - if only we pay attention. 

When I first come into meditation, following my breath often feels like I am trying to follow something elusive. I have to listen and feel carefully. It's not very deep or long. It's as though I have to catch up to it, but as I do and as I gradually let go of the effort and tension in my body, the breath becomes what it actually is...everything. I am here, in this form, because I am breathing. The more I let go of the contraction in my muscles and my mind, the more I sense the movement of the breath throughout all of me and it does feel nourishing. I feel my belly, my chest, my shoulders, my pelvis, my rib cage expand and soften back in - a beautiful rhythm of movement that is not elusive at all. It is our faithful companion, what we can return to at any moment. Learning to receive it has been the greatest gift. It is what I can come back to whenever I feel scared, separate, or weighed down. Our breath is here for us and it brings us into the present moment - the only moment we are actually alive.

This week I am making a deliberate effort to tune into my breathing more of the time - outside of meditation. As I write this, I am following my breathing; as I watched Netflix last night, I followed by breathing; as I empty the dish washer, fold clothes, walk, I can tune in. My body is thanking me. It already feels more relaxed. I may not be giving massages anymore, but I can help you to receive your own. I want everyone to be able to help themselves. It is such a powerful thing to self-soothe and to have a sense of agency about our own well-being. This week I invite you to join me and deepen your commitment throughout the day (for more on commitment, have a listen to Sunday's talk). Tune in and follow along with the song that is playing inside. It is the song of your life. 
Breathe well and be happy. 

🌻🙏

Jean

How Do You Want To Meet This Winter?

There has been frequent use of the phrase “the long, dark winter” in talking about what is coming next. What we think has a lot to do with what we manifest and what we experience. Do we have to have a long, dark winter ahead? Some of it is up to us. Yes, the virus in increasing here in NJ and restrictions are beginning again. Yes, the holidays for many will lack the usual gatherings and traditions. Yes, it will get colder and socializing, even out-of-doors, will get harder. I get all of that, but none of it is taking us by surprise like it did in the spring. The question is, what do we want to do with this information? Knowing what we know, how can we make something out of the conditions we have? How can we remember to see all that is beautiful and joyful just as this life is? What is possible?  Take a moment to try this on. Read this and close your eyes and see what answer comes. Ask yourself, “what is the feeling (not the thing I do, but the feeling) I love most that comes about by the holidays and/or winter months?” See what word or phrase comes that best captures the whole of it. It might take asking the question a couple of times for the answer to arrive, but when it does, try it on to make sure it fits. If it doesn’t, stay with it and search some more. Once you know what feeling describes it best, then ask how you can create that out of the conditions that are here or might be here. Make a list of things you might do, ways of being/thinking, steps you might take, etc. Once your are done, see if contemplating the coming months feels any different. Maybe it’s not your ideal, but it can still be good.  We can get our minds to recalibrate. When we stop resisting what is here, we can open to what else is true. We are adaptable. We can find possibilities. We are resilient. We don’t have to have a “long, dark winter.” Wishing you all an open heart and mind that will help you enjoy these months. We don’t get them back later, so let’s savor them now while we are alive to experience them.

An Election Over: What We Can Celebrate - Talk From 11/8/20

This is the talk given at meditation on Sunday, November 8, 2020.

ll things change. After a week fraught with uncertainty, we have a new president. And though the candidate I wanted to win did, and though there is much relief inside me and Saturday night I felt a tremendous cloud lifted, there is a large part of me that is conflicted in the triumph. When the half the people lose, it feels hard for me to wholeheartedly celebrate. 

What I was left with this week was the feeling, once again, that no side has been listening very well. Each side makes their demands; thinks they’re right; thinks their values are better.

This week I came to the realization that if half the people voted differently than me, then I need to reconsider how I am thinking about all of it. Half the people can’t be wrong or bad or have values that don’t align with mine. What it does mean is that half the people have different experiences, different stories, histories, and their perceptions are different than mine because of them. AND they matter. They’re going to have different fears. Some may be the same, but some may be opposing. What I am taking in more fully than ever before is that if I don’t give consideration to these differences, I will start believing half the people in this country are “bad.” In my heart, I know that is not true. We are all unique individuals with specific experiences that shaped who we are and how we think. What if we gave everyone not our judgement, not our opinions, but consideration? What if we valued all beings as thinking/feeling vulnerable beings - and that means even if they are waving flags and guns. What if we could be steady and listen even then with wonder about what they are needing to feel safe and take it seriously?

What does seem true from this election is the presence of a whole lot of fear, all of which is valid. We fear terrorists. We fear freedom being taken away. We fear diversity. We fear racism. We fear the police. We fear the lack of policing. We fear restrictions. We fear the lack of restrictions. We fear the faltering economy. We fear greed. We fear climate change. We fear making sacrifices. Ultimately, we fear change and the evolution of humanity - the unknown of it. How can we reach greater understanding and unity if we don’t tend to all of the fears on both sides and not berate the other for having them but get truly interested in the what and the why underneath them? I suggest an even bigger inquiry is here…are we willing to hold the opposing views, fears, feelings that exist inside ourselves. We are all complicated.   

If we are really on a path of awareness, we must learn to hold greater and greater complexity and change judgement to curiosity. This week, a shift has taken root in me. It is a move away from us vs them thinking, seeing in black and white, moving away from right/wrong; good/bad. Those concepts won’t bring peace or understanding. We know from our own experience that they don’t work within ourselves…when we fail to hear and be with all the parts of ourselves and make room for the complexity within us, we suffer. When we judge ourselves, when we make ourselves good/bad, right/wrong, we suffer.  

We have a fresh start before us as a country. We can also have a fresh start with ourselves. I’ve said it before but if we can work with “the impossible” in ourselves, we can work with what seems impossible in others because we have developed that muscle that can hold opposing sides, that listens, that makes room for and tends to both. We can be with all of ourselves. When we do this, all of us feels heard. This is the only way to dissolve fear. And when we dissolve fear, our actions are open, generous, loving. We can approach everything outside of us in the same way. We can strengthen this muscle.

This is a whole other way of being. When I try it on, it feels like the embodiment of equanimity. I invite you to try it on as well. What if we embodied equanimity? This would mean that instead of reacting in judgement we would lean into the complexity and nuances of the other’s story. What if we got curious about them, trusted their experiences, their histories because that’s what is true for them. What if I don’t try to change them, but be with them. We can’t convince people to think like we do. It doesn’t work. What has greater impact is when we are truly present, listening, bringing in compassion, holding their truths even if they are different than ours.

I know this won’t happen overnight for me, but this is the next place I want to nurture in me. What it means is that I need to be able to be steady, because I will have to face the forces in me that want to resort to the old way of thinking that I am right. The image that comes is in the story of the Buddha on the night of his enlightenment with Mara shooting arrows at him to distract him and when they struck him, they turned to flowers. What if, we could be like that? What if we trusted ourselves enough to have the strength, the courage, the wherewithal to be that?

The country is ushering in change and growth. We know that growth or the birth of something is rarely easy or elegant. If you are celebrating, please enjoy it. But, let’s also know half of the country is not and we can’t disregard that. We have work to do inside ourselves. We can choose to see it as the work of enlightenment. The opportunity is exciting because winning an election is not the final accomplishment. There is no real winning. Becoming a more aware, loving, compassionate person with all living things - well now, that is something to truly celebrate. We can do that. 

It's Like This Right Now

I returned from my workout on a beautiful fall morning and sat on my back steps for a few minutes to meditate. My breathing was still fast from having exercised. I found myself saying the words to my Zoom meditation which was planned for an hour later. I said, "my breathing is like this right now." My feeling was slightly anxious because my kids had braces put on and tightened the day before. They were both uncomfortable and one was particularly grouchy about it because she didn't sleep. The energy in the house was rocky. I took a breath and very neutrally said, "my feelings are like this right now," followed by, "and my kids are like this right now." The fresh, fall air felt good on my skin and I said, "the sensation is like this right now." No fight. No fixing. No expectation that anything should be other than it is. What a relief.

So much of the time we fight what is. It's not the kind of fight that accomplishes anything. It's more like a resistance to what's here and it ends up causing us more suffering. It pervades our body with tension, with the effort of armoring up and closing off. We can do it with simple things like not liking that's a rainy day or larger things like losing a job. We can even do it around things that aren't happening to us, but to those around us. But thankfully, there is another way. How different it feels when we can let go of the fight or resistance and be present to what is here! Remembering that all things change is what allows us to do that. It's not always going to be this way. The leaves are falling now; they won't always be. It's like this right now. (If a part of you resists this idea by saying, "but some things we need to resist like racial injustice, abuse, a threat to democracy," whatever it might be...know that this isn't about not taking action, but it is about being real and present to what is here right now. To really feel and experience without layering on more than what is here. The next right action will come, but not out of pushing away what is here now).

I invite you to try it on for a day. Whatever arises, simply take a breath and observe with equanimity, "it's just like this right now." Find that space to notice without judging and without adding more onto what's there (like saying it's cooler today, that means it's going to be cold soon). Simply let yourself be with what is and notice how it feels different. Life is just like this right now. Please let me know if this simple mantra brings some ease. 

The Power of Trying Something On

This weekend, we went to the mall to pick up the jeans my daughter ordered that I thought were being delivered. I am learning that nothing operates quite the same way these days, so I am practicing going with the flow. Since I was there, I figured I might as well look in a department store to find pajamas. My attempt to purchase some online reminded me that while online shopping is great, some things you need to try on. Searching the racks in Macy's for pj's that don't look like I am trying to be 25 years old or that make me look 80 years old, I found a couple to try and then discovered that the fitting room was closed. Sigh. Going with the flow. We need fitting rooms. We need to try things on. And not just clothes...

The power of trying on a thought, an action, or visualizing something going well is no small thing. Athletes and performers, of all types, know this power well. I remember auditioning for a dance company that I so desperately wanted to get in. It was my dream for years and I finally had my chance. The movement fit me like a glove and so I went on that first day and for whatever reason, I couldn't learn the movement phrase the choreographer created. I just wasn't picking it up. Years of training with him and his dancers and suddenly I felt like a fish out of water. Somehow, I didn't get cut and they invited me back for the 2nd day. I remember sitting on the subway, on the way to the studio the next day, closing my eyes and taking myself through the phrase, feeling myself do all the parts smoothly. That day went great. I had it down. This is the power of trying something on and we can all do it for all kinds of things.

In my groups and workshops over the past two weeks we delved into setting ourselves up for the fall. What I loved was hearing participants share how they wanted to enter the season. I asked them to imagine how they wanted to meet the fall, how they wanted to be in themselves, with what kind of energy did they want to approach their everyday lives. The answers were inspiring to hear. They included wanting to be flexible, in the moment/savoring, feeling confident or having courage, feeling light/palyful, being steady, being quiet, accepting, being more real. I then asked them to try it on in their bodies, to visualize themselves moving through the day with that specific energy.

I know if I imagine myself meeting my daily moments with an energy that is slower and goes with the flow (the words that came to me), I have a greater chance of doing it that way...or at least somewhat. Every time I imagine myself with that intention, I am strengthening that part of me. And, because I can imagine it and really sense what it would be like in my body, that means I already know how to do it. It is already possible. It's in me. So what is possible in you this fall? How do you want to meet it? Can you take a moment to try it on? Bring forth what you want to bring forth. Your fitting room is not closed.

A Mindful Life for High School Students

3 years ago, I offered my first and only meditation and mindfulness workshop for teenagers. While I had a lot to learn from that experience and would approach it differently now, there are two moments that stand out when I revisit it. 

The first was a loving-kindness exercise where I asked the students to write down three loving-kindness phrases for themselves based on what they listed as stressors in their lives. For example: 

May I have peace of mind

May I feel more ease in my days

May I be free of worry.

I then asked them partner up and do a meditation where they exchange what they wrote and offer the phrases to their partner. When we regrouped what was expressed was how nice it was to wish their partner something they needed. It was a surprising and beautiful moment and the feeling was palpable. 

At the end of the workshop, when I asked what they wanted to see more of in their world of friends, family, society they all had very meaningful shares. I am reminded why I want to offer this again, but in a different format. For this reason, I am calling on all high school aged students who want to learn how to manage their stress and connect more deeply with other students in a safe space. 

Understandably, you might be thinking students already have too much time looking at a screen in the day, especially if their schooling is virtual, but this will be a different experience. It will be a place where they can:

• Feel grounded in the present moment through meditation and mindfulness practices
• Let go of the pressure to perform and let go of others' expectations
• Have a place where they can be themselves, share meaningfully, and interact with other teenagers 
• Train their minds to lean toward what is well/positive and not get lost in worry and fear
• Gain self-awareness around their feelings and what's going on inside

Stress is high for students today. Let’s create a safe, peaceful place for teenagers in the midst of some challenging years.

Join me for A MINDFUL LIFE FOR HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS starting October 8^th. This four-week Zoom group will be a safe place for high school students to gain tools to manage stress and feel supported. Please share this with your high school student. They might want to gather a friend or two, or come alone. Either way, they will have a chance to make new friends. 

🌻
Jean

P.S. Heads up to parents! Encouragement may be needed, but pushing a student to do it won't help them. This works best if a student wants to help themselves or wants greater connection with others.

Forget Me Not

Why is it so easy to forget? We watch the news and forget. Our child says or does something we don’t agree with and we forget. We mess something up and we forget. Whenever fear takes over, we forget. A great deal of of what any contemplative practice does is to help people to remember. We already know; we already have the wisdom we need. We simply lose it temporarily. It’s true of all of us. We are of the nature to forget and we need tools to remember to bring us back. And the coming back almost always means getting out of fear.

So, what do we need to remember and to get out of fear? 

• We can remember that we can slow down and in the slowing down find insight. 
• We can remember that we can allow and accept what is presenting itself and take the next right action once we stop resisting it. Stopping resisting needs to happen first. 
• We can remember that we are all connected. What seems separate from us, isn't. 
• We can remember that love, compassion, generosity, and kindness trump everything. 
• We can remember that if we follow a fear down its rabbit hole, what we find is that it’s ok, even at the bottom - that even in our worst case scenario, it's just an experience. We are still connected because we are made up of everything that is not us and we are part of everything else. We can still breathe, even there at the bottom, knowing it, too, is temporary.

What fear, in you, needs reminding that what is here has come about for many reasons, many of which we cannot possibly fathom, and that we needto be here. We may not know why yet, but the conditions are like this right now. How do you want to meet it? If you slow down, what do you know about love, compassion and kindness that will help you navigate these waters? Can you breathe with this fear and know it is not all of you. You are much bigger, more complex than any fear. Remind yourself who you really are. We all forget and that's ok because we will remember again.

Acknowledging Where We Have Been

I was walking through the grocery store this week and had one of those moments of awe, looking at everyone with masks on doing their shopping, at how we have adjusted to this way of living for now. It is amazing what we have come through and yet, it is so easy to not see what we have managed.

Often in my A Mindful Life groups and workshops I will have us do an exercise that asks us to reflect on what has already gone on in a day/week/season/year. These exercises seem like the antithesis of mindfulness meditation which asks us to stay in the present moment. But, there’s a purpose to these specific tasks of reflection - it’s not just ruminating or rehashing. We can so easily roll through our accomplishments, events, small and major moments, and move onto the next without pausing to realize - wow, I actually got tenure, or I opened a business, or I survived a critical moment, or I moved somewhere and started a new path, or I received all that goodness! The very thing we were moving toward arrives and when we get there, out of fear of what’s next, we often don’t stop long enough to savor it. The problem with this is that we never feel full because we haven’t taken in what we have done, what we have received, where we have landed, what goodness has already arrived. 

The same is true not just of what we have done and what we have received, but also of our resilience. Resilience is only useful when we recognize that we have been resilient. And we weren’t just resilient once, but many times. In fact, every day we are resilient. But we need to acknowledge where we have been to be able to see how we have grown. 

I invite us all, right now, to take such a moment. Think back to March when this pandemic hit and lockdown took hold. Think of the fear, the unknown, the uncertainty we all faced. We listened to the news of death tolls rising. We watched our kids struggle with roughly orchestrated online schooling and we struggled with them in our homes. We didn’t get haircuts or go to the dentist; our businesses closed (temporarily or permanently); we  struggled to figure out the best way to get groceries; we saw empty shelves of toilet paper and soap. We went on unemployment, applied for PPP loans, and we figured out how to work just as efficiently online. We did amazing things. We got creative and resourceful; we supported others; we meditated more; we walked more and dogs were - oh so happy! We found new ways. And though it is not over yet, we could do the kind and generous thing - we could, in this moment, stop and take in how resilient we have been. And maybe, with a bow of gratitude, we can acknowledge that, “yes, we pulled through.” We are no longer in the same place. Everything changes. 

There are more trials to come, but for right now, why not take a moment, even just a few minutes to rest, truly rest, in your own strength, power, and resilience. Look at what you have done. I invite you to make a list of all that you went through since March. All that you made possible since then, all the obstacles overcome, and all the connections, joys, possibilities you discovered. This is no small thing. You have grown. Like the flower growing through the concrete. If you are an artist, you can draw/paint it all out on one big piece of paper.

Now you can use this. The next time you notice a wave of anxiety about the future, you might call up this resilience and realize there is more in you. You’re not just resilient, but you have grown and are stronger from this past wave. You have it inside you to meet whatever challenge comes next.

Jean

P.S. This is the kind of work we do regularly in A Mindful Life. Click the link to find out more.

A Simpler Life

I’ve been sitting with a growing feeling. My beloved, enthusiastic nutritionist gave a lesson in growing micro greens yesterday. I have the image of this feeling sprouting and spreading much like those micro greens will if I ever get around to planting them. I know what’s growing and it feels wrong to admit it. It is a fear of this time ending. Who wouldn’t want a pandemic to end? Of course I do because I don’t want to see any more suffering or dying, or our economy in shambles. But, there is this other side of me that has some dread about life retuning to the way it was. I think to myself, my gosh Jean, how bad was it? I used to feel a similar dread when I lived in the city and we would go to the country for a retreat. On the last day I would cry not wanting to return to the life I had. It wasn’t that I didn’t like my life either! Then it was a mixture of the pace of city life, pressure to produce, and the lack of nature that I didn’t want to return to. What is this dread now? It has something important for me to know. It’s telling me that it’s time to pay attention. As much as I am resisting leaning into what is there, I must. The hesitation is that it will ask something of me that will scare me. That’s what dread is, isn’t it? It will ask me to take a risk or to step up in a way that frightens me. It’s almost easier to stay in the dread than to see clearly what is being laid at my feet. Once I look, the path will be cleared before me and I will have no choice but to follow it. Of course I do have a choice, but I know myself well enough to say that if there is an opening I will have to see where it leads, scary or not.

What do I not want to return to? The busyness. The running around. The setting up of everything. So much setting up!  The effort. In these pandemic weeks of lockdown, I don’t feel as though I am working less. In fact, my work feels more involved, more challenging. But there is a simplicity to the way it is right now - the way life is right now that I am deeply appreciating. Simplicity. As I typed the word, it resonated through me. Yes, it is simplicity I am wanting to hold on to. Maybe wording it in the affirmative rather than the negative would be more useful…not focusing on the dread, but what I am drawn to. A simpler life. 

Outside of lockdown, what makes this a simpler life? Grocery shopping only once a week for starters. That’s easy enough. Small in actuality, but huge in its impact. Working from home. Who knew I would like it so much? No rooms to set up, no big transitions to make, no place to drive to. More spaciousness in the day. Having more meals as a family. I love making the kids warm lunches and having them sit at the table to eat, all of us taking a break from our work. Seeing people walking and knowing people are in their homes. Less honking horns and speeding cars down our residential streets. More quiet. Less pressure to do, to be, to get somewhere, to move ahead. We have no where to go right now and what a relief that is. A simpler life indeed.

So I think to myself, how do I maintain simplicity post-pandemic? The grocery shopping shift is easy enough, but the rest? That I am not so sure. It feels like a bigger shift is in the works, one I can’t yet imagine. So many things I could never have imagined have happened in my life. I need to remember that. Then, I need to get some clarity over what I really want my life to look like, unabashedly admit to what I truly desire, which feels different than it did back in January when I wrote my yearly intentions. Everything has changed. Can I say what I want in this new place and not hold back from it because I “don’t deserve it” or because I am “not good enough” to do it, or because of financial fear. I do trust that if the changes I make come from a good motivation; if they bring more goodness to the world, then they are possible. They need to be honored. 

What has this time inspired in you? By the time it is over we will have gone through a process.  It will be different for all of us depending on what we witnessed, what we were asked to let go of, what we made of it, how we grieved, what we learned. We can return to life as it was - just move on with business as usual, which might be good enough. Or, we can lean in to this place that is not the same and invite ourselves to meet what is here with an open, courageous, loving heart and be curious what the universe is asking of us all now.