One Morning's Struggle

I am not writing about happiness...absolutely not.

One day this past week, I arrived in the city to go to work. It was raining and I had to pick up the linens at the laundromat to bring them to my office. I stood on the corner with my umbrella open in one hand, a rolling cart with a tremendous bag of linens in the other, and three bags on my shoulder. I looked at the corner across from me where I was heading and saw I had two options, I could wade through a tremendous, deep puddle all around the corner, which would get my bag of linens wet or I could climb over a foot of  snow next to it hoping the rolling cart would cooperate. There was no good solution and I was short on time. I reluctantly crossed and chose the snow. I got up onto the mound of snow but then saw there were scaffolding bars blocking the way to the sidewalk. I now needed to squeeze between a garbage can and the narrow opening where there were no metal bars. There I was on hill of snow, with an umbrella, my bags falling off my shoulder, and my bag of linens starting to fall off the cart. I must have looked like a sorry sight. I finally put the umbrella down, cursing inside and looking harried. I was about to lift the entire cart up and over to flat ground when a guy standing under the scaffolding, watching me said, "do you need help?" He was standing there with a large Burnese Mountain Dog and an umbrella up. He didn't make a move. Clearly it would have been a project for him to help me, too. Everyone else was just walking by. I looked at him and laughed because I could finally see the absolute absurdity of what I was having to go through. His acknowledgment of my struggle was such a relief. It wasn't his help I needed, as much as someone to say, "wow, I see what you're going through." It changed my whole mood. I could then see the humor in it all. It was a good start to my day working with people who, in some ways, are also coming to have a witness to their struggles. His simple offer changed my day, for which I was grateful. I believe the other people walking by just didn't see me, as huge as I felt in that moment with all my stuff falling everywhere. I know that when I am "busy" or in a hurry or preoccupied, I, too, don't see.

The next time I am in an impossibly ridiculous situation like that one, I want to remember to look up, make eye contact, and laugh. The moment is going to end and if I don't take it so seriously, I can shake my head and find the humor in what we have to go through. I recognize that the tendency in a struggling moment is to narrow my vision, rather than open and share it where I might actually get relief. I can be suffering, however big or small, and not shut others out, but rather open to a universal experience of living that we all share. I also want to remember to show up for others in the same way as that young man with the beautiful dog did for me. It helps me to know that it doesn't take much to alter someone's day. A compassionate witness is all I need to be at times. As long as I am aware and remembering what is important, my eyes will be open and I, too, can show up that way. And so, the practice goes on...