Sensitive Superheros

For much of my life, I have been called the "baby" of the family. Though I am in fact the youngest of three, when it was said, it wasn't meant as a simple fact about my placement in the all too significant family order, but as a somewhat ridiculing statement that I am "too sensitive." Far along into my adulthood, I can now say that this label is accurate. I am too sensitive. Thank goodness. This post is for all of those people out there who may also fall into that rich, sometimes complicated, but truly valuable group of humans.

When I am in my "right mind," I am grateful for my sensitivity. There are so many gifts it brings. It's as if we have some "supernatural" powers. We can walk into a room and unconsciously assess the moods of the people there within a few minutes. I know when to say something and when to wait, or if I know the person well enough, to skip the small talk and ask what's really going on. We see, hear, and feel what many other people wouldn't notice at all. We pick up on the details of life in colors, sounds, movements and interactions. We observe how objects are placed and why or who needs something and who is checked out. And then, there are the other "special" gifts. A friend of mine gets weirded out by the fact that we could be talking on the speaker phone in the car and I recognize by his tone and the background sounds that he has arrived at his destination. He always seems surprised and wonders if I've put a hidden camera somewhere. Ever since I was little, being sensitive enabled me to find things in the house. It's as though my eyes unconsciously take in where everything is in the room. As long as I've seen something once, if you were to ask me, I could probably locate it for you. Sensitive people tend to have a great deal of compassion and can empathize because they see so much and they're paying attention. It's not a matter of effort, we're just wired that way. It can all be exhausting, too, but I've come to affectionately understand this "too sensitive" business and think the benefits are well worth the difficulties that come with it.

Okay, in all honesty, it doesn't always feel that way. Ultimately, it's a lot of work to have superhero like qualities. After all, superheros are in tights and can easily be the source of ridicule. Every now and then, I hear from myself the critical version of "you're too sensitive" (yes, I wish it were the tights that were being made fun of instead). It is full of judgment and anger. I say it to myself and then follow it with a diagnosis that something is really wrong with me. I turn it on myself by saying that I'll never have deeply intimate and lasting relationships. People will get tired of me. That I'll never move up or be successful because I am too effected by what or who is around me and how they are. This voice tells me I should "toughen up." It's not fun in these moments. Though, I do know that in every superhero movie I've seen, at some point, the hero falls hard. It has to happen.

When certain critical words surface in my mind, like the sensitive one, I now know the best thing is to say hello to them with kindness. To not treat them the way they want to treat me. Rather than an eye for an eye, I could welcome the voice and try to remember to ask what's really going on. As all my blog posts tend to say, it's usually some fear and if I tend to that fear I'll actually be taking care of myself and the weapons can be put down. The "too sensitive" part has no weight. It's all a facade of muscle. But, if remember to look closely, there's actually a zipper in the back and it's simply a costume that can come off. Without a doubt, when it is stripped down, the underlying source of the loud and powerful sounding voice behind the curtain is some hidden hurt. It could be the way someone responded to me or the lack of affection or attention from another. I might have misperceived the situation and the other person may have no idea how he/she came across. Either way, until it is clear, it hurts. Rather than be hurt and feel it, the voice of childhood booms its thundering call and out come the words, "you're too sensitive!" This is when, in my healthier states, I can respond. I can answer lovingly or, at the very least, go to someone I trust who can do that (usually another sensitive person). A hero must fall in order to know how to lift someone else up. Imagine a movie a where the hero never suffers. How boring would that be.

I know many people who are "too sensitive." Yes, they struggle at times and sometimes things take a little longer because they have to process more or, simply by their nature, they ask for others to be more aware, but, wow, they are they beautiful people. I am grateful to have them in my life. They notice details like the rare type of print in a book they pick up or the holly berries partially covered in snow on their walk. They remember the specifics of something you shared with them and remember to ask how you are about it at a later time. They tend to be creative and artistic and often have no idea that they are. They are often perceptive and thoughtful. So for all of you who have ever been told you are too sensitive, I bow to you. And, at times when it feels too much, know that to be gifted requires a certain kind of sacrifice, but that ultimately it is a sacrifice that makes for a very beautiful life.