This One Question Can Liberate Us

In my 20's as I struggled to get by as a modern dancer in NYC, I worked in arts administration writing grants, managing a dance studio, and anything else that was needed. On my desk I had the words "is it true?" and "are you sure?" printed on one of those P-Touch label makers (which I still use). I had read them in one of Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh's books. These days I am coming to value them even more. 

Brené Brown, among others, talks about questioning "the story we tell ourselves." We have ideas about ourselves, often from past experiences, that then come to define us because we let them. Questioning our perceptions is one of the essential components to living a mindful life. When we slow ourselves down, we can see what we have been believing about ourselves, a particular subject, a relationship, really anything. We can then ask, "is it true? Am I sure?" When we do that, we take a step back from it and have an opportunity to see more clearly. Byron Katie has created an entire process she calls The Work which gracefully dives into a line of questioning ourselves that starts with this very concept, "is it true?" It's a great question and when asked with genuine curiosity and care, it can free us. 

So often when I am struggling with something and I ask that question around whatever it is I am believing or saying to myself, I know the true answer is, "no." It's always helpful when I get real with myself. Once I admit to that, then I can see what's really there and what's really there usually needs acknowledgment, care and compassion. It doesn't need to be fixed; it just needs my presence to start. Occasionally my answer is, "yes, it is true." In that case, I can ask "am I sure" and if I am still sure, then I can take it a step further and ask, "if it is true, then what?" I can see what comes and follow that line of thought until I get to the real fear. Once I find the real fear (mine is always the same -- then everyone will leave and I'll be separate from everything and, inevitably, I will die). That might seem dreadful to some, but I find it liberating. I am going to die and the more peace I can make with it, the more free I will be while I am here. But even if you don't go that far, you can still get more clarity, honesty, and your actions will be less habitually reactive and more intentional because you understand where you are coming from. 

My invitation this week is whenever you experience something difficult, or you notice that there is some story you are telling yourself, to ask, "is it true and am I sure" and get compassionately curious about yourself. We have all the wisdom we need. What do we really know if we lean in enough to listen with an open heart and mind? Does he really not care about me if he didn't check in today? Does it really mean I am not good at what I do because I didn't fill that workshop? Will my kids really have no future if their only real interest is playing Minecraft these days? No. So what is it, Jean, that's really eating at you (what else is true)? Oh that! Well that I can have compassion for; let's be with that.

May your week be full of truths that lead you to compassion and love.