What If We Awoke And Said...

Spring calls us. There are so many invitations it extends to us to stop and be awed. And yet in our busyness, it is so easy to decline the invitation or to miss it altogether. But as I will sometimes say in my meditations, "there is no moment exactly like this moment," there is also no spring exactly like this spring... at this particular age, with these particular conditions, with these people in my life. I am reminding myself not to miss it. These particular tulips found in Princeton over the weekend, as Mike and I went for a drive and a coffee date, made me veer off the sidewalk to say hello. When my kids and I were in Florida visiting my mom last week, there were flowers everywhere. Hibiscus and Bougainvillea and Impatiens could be found on every block. Now I appreciate them, but when I lived there for a brief period of my life, I'm embarrassed to say I stopped noticing them because they were always around. That's not the case in the Northeast and so I can be easily awed every season. Why does it matter that we experience awe?

I'm not a traveler, but I am guessing people who travel are drawn to being awed again and again. To see something fresh that makes us pause, whether it is a landscape, the culture of a place, music/art/dance, architecture, food -- so many things that can strike our senses with a gasp of delight and the feeling of something much greater at work. This matters because it brings us humility and connects us to our innate appreciation for life. 

My invitation this week is to access awe in the everyday moments of our ordinary existence. My 14-17 year old self could not do that in Florida, but I have been training my adult self in this. This is what meditation does. I don't think we can be awed if we aren't present, right? We don't need to travel to have our breath taken away. We can be enraptured by something simply by slowing down, opening our eyes, and letting in a color, a shape, a sound, a movement, a touch, a word. But only we can let it in. No one can do it for us. We could travel and still fail to let in what is before us. We can be loved and fail to let it touch us. It happens all the time and that's okay, too, because when we realize it, we know the difference. Once we know the difference, we can choose. What if we awoke and said, "today, may I make myself available to be awed by what I witness."

While we can't make ourselves feel awe, rather it comes upon us, we can be awake and open to the experience of it by our presence alone. We can choose to see like a photographer sees -- the details, the angles, the shadows, the variations. It's all there for us if we want it.

Wishing everyone an awe-inspired spring week.

🌷
Jean

Hearing Ourselves

Some pieces are coming together. I read, listen, and study from a lot experts in the fields of psychology, spirituality, coaching and I love when what they share goes together and also validates an experience I have. Lately, it is the importance of listening and finding a language for what we are experiencing that keeps getting reinforced.

What I have found is that without being able to decipher my thoughts and feelings into language everything becomes muddled and often stuck. When I can hear myself, and I mean that literally, I gain clarity on what is going on inside me and around me. When we feel stuck in any way -- creatively ( ex. no inspiration), emotionally (feeling bleh), physically (inertia, lack of energy), spiritually (not feeling "connected"), we can choose to stop and take the time to listen to ourselves more deeply and find the words and images that capture what is happening. In making it explicit, we have a greater chance to move in a direction, get back into a sense of flow, and take action. 

Brené Brown's latest book and TV series, Atlas of the Heart, is essentially an encyclopedia of different emotions and feeling states. What I appreciate about it is that she helps us to expand our use of language to accurately describe what we are experiencing (moving beyond basic words that don't give much nuance or specificity). I first learned the importance of this in my 20's through the work of Marshall Rosenberg and Non-Violent Communication where he included in his book a list of emotions and feelings that awakened in me a much greater vocabulary. It was like a whole new world opened up. This was also echoed in the teachings on Mindful Listening and Speech as taught by Thich Nhat Hanh. It was made even deeper by Philosopher, Eugene Gendlin's practice of Focusing, which requires a deep inner listening. It's now more currently echoed in Stephen Porges' Polyvagal Theory which explains why inner listening and communicating is crucial for us to be able to regulate our nervous system. Some of these practices are beyond my scope to explain in any detail, but I have learned something from them all about deepening our emotional intelligence and it has been life changing.

In my own process, I have found that we need both the language and the ability to say it aloud to ourselves and then maybe to others to be able to navigate this experience of living. What does hearing ourselves actually look like? I thought I would share what I do and how it helps me. I welcome you to listen to what it is you do or try these on for size.

• I talk to myself out loud. At the risk of sounding (or looking) a bit crazy, this is one of the main tools I have come to rely on to help me find my way out of places where I feel stuck. I may be home alone, in the shower, in the car and I talk through what's going on as if I am talking to an audience. When I do this, I not only gain clarity, but I tend to hear my inner wisdom respond to what's been said and I gain insight
• Write out what is going on (or draw/paint, sculpt, play). Journaling is the method I use to help unveil and release the inner jumble. With a pen and paper in hand, I have to find the words and meanings. The writing of this, A Mindful Pause, has that effect for me. Your medium may be in some other form. As long as it expresses what you are feeling, it is valuable.
• Sharing with someone who listens well. When we have someone witness our experience and listen to our process of finding our own insight, we have a great gift. Finding that person (or community) that will hold the space, without inserting themselves, is worth searching for. If this is a new idea for your relationship, you can simply ask to try on a practice where you each have 10-20 minutes to share what is alive in you. You get to take pauses, moments of silence, where you wait to see what else is there and your partner won't interrupt, but has their full attention on you. The time doesn't end until the timer stops, even if you sit in silence for a while. Often more comes that we didn't realize was there and, sometimes, our biggest insight may arise in that waiting.

My invitation this week is to give yourself the space to stop, listen, and speak aloud what is true for you in a moment when you feel stuck in the mud, uninspired, empty, or muddled in some way. Hear yourself. We are worth listening to and we have more insight than we often realize if only we can stop and use our language to get clear on what it is.

🌱🌷
Jean

The Courage of Compassion

 

Three incidents come together:

1)  The conversation went like this...
I said to Mike, "I don't think I connected with the contractor."
Mike says, "you what?"
Me, "I don't think he likes me; I couldn't connect with him well."
Mike, "I don't even know what that means...you didn't connect with the contractor? What's wrong with you? Why do you have to "connect" with the contractor?" He tells me to "journal about it," his new way to make fun of my overly sensitive feelings. (To be clear, I know how much he loves my sensitivity, so this always makes me laugh).

2) Coming from someone who is fairly clueless about celebrities...I keep seeing something about Will Smith and Chris Rock today. Something about The Oscars which I didn't even know took place last night. I watch the clip of what happened, get a brief synopsis, and feel deeply saddened. Not about the right/wrong of any of it, but just sad for what we humans feel and go through, the rupture and the need for repair, the hurt feelings, the reactivity we all experience that gets us into trouble, the judgement.

3) I'm driving my daughter to rock climbing when we come upon some road work and the narrow, windy, two-lane road becomes one where the cars have to take turns. Clearly it's our turn to wait, but the car in front of me doesn't recognize that ahead of time so he backs up so that the other cars can go first and slowly backs into a car parked on side. I see and hear the crunch. It's the kind of accident that could happen to anyone and unfortunately will be costly. I drive on as he gets out of the car to survey the damage and I feel his hardship." I keep driving and say, "gosh, I feel so sad for everyone today. That guy with the car, Will Smith, Chris Rock, Jada Pinkett Smith, all the people judging them them all, my feeling that I'm not liked. This living is so hard. The feelings and what we go through. I feel sad for everyone." My daughter, like Mike, doesn't know what to make of me. She has a perplexed smile on her face, but I know she knows what I mean because she said it first..."I feel so bad for him."

And this is just small stuff on a daily basis. I'm not even talking about the larger hardships that are happening like war, hunger, abuse, discrimination. Suffering is suffering. When our heart is open we feel the pain of others and compassion wells up. Compassion doesn't get caught in right and wrong, good or bad. Compassion brings us on the same footing. All trying to do the best we can. All making mistakes, (some more costly than others), in our thoughts, words and actions. All of us feeling the consequences. All of us needing to find forgiveness of ourselves, of others...of ourselves again, of others again.

Growing up, my family always said I was too sensitive. "You're such a baby" my siblings would say. Yes, I guess I am. It used to bother me, but it doesn't anymore. I would much rather be too sensitive if it allows me to love more, if it keeps me humble, if it inspires me to be of service, if it helps me to "connect." It also takes more courage to feel than it does to be armored and thick skinned. If you ever feel too sensitive, I welcome you to celebrate it. We need more of it, not less. Not the kind of sensitivity that blames, judges, or falls apart with worry, but sensitivity that activates compassion for the difficult things that living requires of us.

This week, I invite you to honor the compassion that surfaces in you when you see a mother struggling with her flailing, crying toddler trying to get out of her arms, or when you see someone trip on the sidewalk and they try to stay cool and composed, when you see someone awkward, angry, rushing, frustrated, sad or any other hard human state of being. It's ok to feel it alongside them. Feeling it doesn't make life any less beautiful and wondrous. In fact, it makes it more so.

🌱🌷
Jean

Compassion In A Critical Moment

 

This morning I awoke to the first full day of spring and a beautiful day at that. I also awoke to a heightened inner critic whose opinions can be more powerful than spring. I made my coffee and sat down with a blank page knowing that I needed to show up for this part of me before I went on with the day. My first reaction to her is dread, but then I remember that to meet her with the same energy that she gives out only perpetuates suffering. “Be kind,” I say to myself. “Listen and don’t fix. Breathe with her. Sit with her in this space, in this energy; it’s only energy. Be a friend to this one who is afraid underneath the costume of belligerence and aversion.” And so I do. The day doesn’t feel like sunshine and flowers yet, though they are just outside my door, but I am not fighting, defending, believing and that feels better. 

We all have these moments, these days, these months, or seasons when what we need to lean into is compassion more than anything. Self-compassion is not the most obvious response when we are under attack, but I have found it is the only thing that works and just like meditation, it is something we can practice and a muscle we can strengthen.

What does self-compassion look like? It might help first to say what it is not. It is not sappy, pitiful, or weak. It is genuine, grounded, clear, and patient. And, yes, we can access it even when the attack is on. Here’s what that process requires:

Being With Our Self-Critic

1. Stopping. If we keep going about our day without stopping to listen to what our critic is unhappy about, then it just gets louder and we get pulled deeper into the swamp. Stopping could look like what I did this morning and journaling a back and forth dialogue, but it could be asking and listening as you take your shower or a walk. 

2. Listening. Asking what our critic is up in arms about, (even if we have heard this one a million times before), we listen again and reflect it back without coming back with fixes, defenses, and without playing it down or trying to talk yourself out of it. 

3. Being Kind & Tending To The Fear. This may be as simple as asking your self-critic, “let’s say what you feel is true about me, what then, what are you afraid of if I am this way?” Whatever you hear in response you respond with kindness and compassion. For example, “I get it. That would be scary. I understand why you aren’t happy with me.” Or, “that’s a hard feeling to have; of course you are upset.” Whatever it is you respond with, let it be your voice, what feels real to you and if you are not used to speaking kindly to yourself, then go ahead and try one of my responses (or someone kind you can call up) until it does feel natural.

4. Breathe. Having listened and gained more understanding, and having responded with care, now you can simply breathe with the energy that’s there. “This feels like this.” Bring your attention to your inhale and your exhale and breathe with the experience in your body. This requires some trust that this process is enough for now. We often think that there should be some greater resolution, but this isn’t the space for that. Resolution comes with space which is what we are giving ourselves by doing this. Space to hear ourselves, to get some distance, to find perspective, to be. Rather than get stuck, it can flow through us.

It’s the end of the day now and I feel the remains of this earlier surge of self-criticism. I don’t know that she won’t be there tomorrow. She seems to be up lately, but I am okay with it, because it will change and it brings me closer to feeling compassion for all beings and what we go through. Being present also slows me down to take in all the beauty that is around me and the love and affection that comes toward me.

Wishing you all a beautiful first week of spring. Enjoy as everything pushes its way through, transforms again, begins again.

🌻
Jean

Holding It All Together

 

In the bathroom, getting ready for the day, I look in the mirror and pause. I am deeply aware that while I blow-dry my hair, across the world there are people in bomb shelters, people without electricity and access to food and water, refugees waiting in foreign lands as their hometowns get reduced to rubble, people fighting and dying. How do we hold this suffering and go about our days as usual? Nothing about this moment in time feels "normal" and yet life here moves at its regular pace. Garbage gets picked up; the kids go to school; we go to work; I think about what to make for dinner. And then I see the images in the news and my heart hurts.

It doesn't feel right to go on as usual and yet, what is there to do? It feels this way when someone you love dies and you walk out of the hospital in a daze as the world moves on around you. No matter how many times I open the New York Times and get updated, the situation is what it is and we are here holding this proximal peace and remote suffering. This is the plain and simple truth of it. We learn to hold seemingly contradictory things simultaneously as we go through life. As odd as it sometimes feels, it does not have to be a problem. If we are having a joyful moment, we don't have to feel guilt or shame and if we are struck by an arrow of pain for those we cannot help, we don't have to fall into overwhelm and deny all joy. Just as in a hospital, on one floor a person dies and on another floor, at the very same moment, a baby is born; a patient gets a terminal diagnosis and another is informed that their cancer is in remission. Joy and pain coexist and we are capable of holding it all. We don't have to push one away to feel the other. We don't have to judge either feeling as more worthy of the moment. We don't have to compare suffering.

If you find yourself emotionally struggling with the balance of your own life with its joys and trials here and what is happening "over there," you are not alone. Many of us are trying to wrap our minds and hearts around it. Our brain tells us we need "to do" something. Of course it does. And yet, there isn't much to be done, but to come together and rest in our "heart of compassion" for all of what goes on, for all of what we are asked to hold. We can let it remind us to go gently through these days and bring kindness to the forefront a bit more, because the whole world could use it.

Wishing you all inner steadiness and peace as we navigate this life together.

🌻
Jean

Hope - A Feeling Found In The Present Moment

 

In the fall of 2019, I gave a talk on hope. Little did we know how much hope we would need in the year to come. Hope is an interesting concept and one that practitioners of mindfulness meet with some skepticism because hope suggests a future oriented desire; something different than what is here.

Many great teachers have wise things to say about hope. Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh says that hope "can make the present moment less difficult to bear," but can also take us out of living in the present moment. In the Tibetan tradition, Pema Chodron shares a slogan, "abandon all hope." Brother David Steindl Rast defines hope as "openness for surprise." I've always loved that one. Brené Brown defines hope as a cognitive process that involves goals (I'm over-simplifying this). I am sure there are many other insightful takes on what hope is and how it can be beneficial or not. I think we can take something from all of them. We can also keep it very simple and say hope is found in the present moment.

In light of many world hardships, the war in Ukraine being at the top of my list, I am seeing the need to contemplate hope, once again, and I thought I'd share where I am finding it in this moment of time:

• The coming together of countries, corporations, and people everywhere standing up for and supporting the people of Ukraine.
• The current emergence of spring with its warmer weather, shoots of flowers emerging from the soil, robins boldly making their appearance  (even if there is some snow in the forecast)
• The recognition that all things change. There is hope in impermanence.
• My friend has an exciting interview this week
• Another friend has a new book of poems about to land on my doorstep, fresh off the press
• The declining Covid-19 cases 
• The fact that a contractor actually called me back!
• A blank page in a journal at the start of a new day
• The sound of kids playing in the distance
• Being able to connect with you through this email 
• Remembering I can always choose kindness in any moment, over all else (this includes kindness toward oneself).

Hope, to me, is a feeling found in the present moment. I don't have to look ahead for hope. It shows itself daily in a felt sense of awe, possibility, wonder, joy, connection, support, love and kindness. My invitation this week is to take moments of stopping to look around and take in what is good, what is emerging, what is changing. While there is suffering, there is also growth and beauty everywhere. We can't have one without the other, but when we pause to appreciate, we spread the seeds of goodness. We can water ourselves daily with hope by defining and feeling the gifts that are right here.

🍀
Jean

P.S.  Hope is also found in beginning something new. A Beginning Meditation Series starts on 3/22 if you want to start a practice or get renewed in yours.

How To Be In A Time Like This

Dear Friends,

It feels like the whole world is watching and waiting. I certainly have that feeling. This morning when I awoke I was aware of the fact that so much of humanity is showing up to support the people of Ukraine. It feels like a tremendous relief and a restoration of faith in our goodness. Though the struggle has been going on there for years, it has turned a corner and crossed a costly line to which our hearts are responding. Thank goodness. If you feel compassion, or heartbreak, or the desire to help, this is a very good thing. It means you are awake and very much alive. 

This morning I also awoke to a blue sky and sun here in New Jersey and am reminding myself that beauty and suffering co-exist. We don't have to miss the good amidst the pain. When we forget this, all there is is suffering and we can't be of service to anyone. In these times, when we are across the world in relative safety and the goings-on of our lives appears relatively normal, it can feel like we are not doing anything, that we are helpless. But we are always making choices that affect those around us and those across the globe from us for years to come. Choices in what we consume, what energy we contribute to the world, what seeds we water in our thoughts, words, and actions. Though this may seem insignificant at this very moment, it is not. What we do right now in our everyday is what creates this world. We impact our children and generations to come in our behavior and interactions right now. And so, when we inevitably feel powerless in these moments when a war is underway, we can take refuge in our practice. We can practice staying calm, grounded, compassionate, peaceful, grateful. We can practice kindness, appreciation, joy. We are powerful in this way. We do what we can to help the people of Ukraine, to show our support, to share our resources, AND we deepen our commitment to living mindfully and spreading peace. Living mindfully takes time and we need to make it. As Thich Nhat Hanh would say, we work now to stop a war many years from now.

My invitation this week is to commit to the practices you engage in that help you to feel steady, clear, present, and those activities that bring you a sense of connection. If you have the resources to give, here is a list of organizations that are are helping Ukraine. Two others: Nova Ukraine and Care.

May the people of Ukraine be safe. May the people of Russia be safe. May all beings everywhere be safe. May all of our leaders be filled with a reverence for life. May we all be free.

🌻
Jean

P.S. Not sure how to stay calm, how to practice? Weekly drop-in meditations are by donation and are open to anyone. Simply follow along. For more instruction, a Beginning Meditation Series starts on 3/22 or reach out and we can have a discovery call to see what is right for you.   

The Things We Attach To

This week's pause is from the talk I gave on Sunday night, February 20, 2022. If you prefer to listen to it, click here.

Dear Friends,

When I was in the third grade my best friend's father passed away in his sleep. Our parents were good friends and it was shocking. My friend and I lived a few minutes from the Long Island Sound and we spent a lot of time there. It was probably the summer after he died that we were at the beach; our mothers were sitting on the shore and my friend and I were swimming. We could spend hours in the water, so present and having fun. The swimming area had a float out at the end of it that you could swim to and sit on or jump off of. As kids it felt like it was such a long way out and such an achievement to get there. We were out on that float and my friend jumped into the water with a swim mask she had on. I didn't know at the time that it had any sentimental value, but it was her father's and it was old and made of glass. When she came up out of the water, she was fine, but the outer layer of glass was shattered. Thankfully, it was very thick so she wasn’t hurt, but she was so distraught. We swam back to the shore and she brought it to her mother and I gathered what it meant to her. This may have been the first time I understood how an object could have such meaning.

It is a very human process to get attached to all kinds of things. To objects, people, animals, places, ideas, ways of seeing. And yet, as adults, we know that we have to let everything go at some point. We know this intellectually, but it's a different thing to start practicing knowing it more intimately on an everyday basis so that we can be more free while we are here. It’s not that we shouldn’t have objects that we hold as dear to us. Objects can connect us to people, places. They can keep memories alive. It’s not that we shouldn’t have people who we are deeply connected with and passionate about, who we love with all our heart. But developing the awareness of when that attachment gets in the way of our happiness, of our freedom, of the other’s freedom is something we can investigate gently so that we can be more free, light, happy and so that those around us (our children, our partners, friends) can also feel more free, light and happy. Thich Nhat Hanh says that if we love someone we should let them free.

We also know that this is often hard to do. It’s hard to do because we have a basic need to feel connected. We are physically connected to our mother when we are born and from that point forward when the umbilical cord is cut, we begin a process of letting go. But we also begin a process of receiving…that first breath we receive. As infants we can’t fend for ourselves so we receive food, warmth, shelter, care until we naturally progress and want to differentiate ourselves from our parents/caregivers and we start to let go (which can then be hard for the parent and for the child; it’s a struggle for a while, a push/pull anyone with teenagers can identify with). All of life is receiving and letting go. It is an organic and beautiful process if we allow it and are not scared of it. This doesn’t mean it will be painless. Instead we can allow ourselves to grieve, even allow resistance for a while which might feel like anger/defiance. We allow the process to flow through us and find we do get through it and we grow more alive. 

With mindfulness, we become more and more conscious of what we are attaching to and this awareness is an opportunity to be more free. I think it can be exciting. The challenge is to be liberated. The idea of “no mud, no lotus” comes to play here. If we really want to be free, we have to experience the mud – the growing pains to get there.

I invite you to try it now. Is there anything you are attaching to in your life that, if you honestly look at it, you realize the attachment is bringing you more stress than peace. This could be: a way of thinking about ourselves. An image we have of ourselves that we are trying to uphold. Our relationship to our work. Our relationship to exercise or our body. Anything we do that brings anxiety, but we still do it anyway. I think about devices that track our steps or our sleep. While they are meant to be a source of good they can turn into a source of anxiety. Or watching a show that helps us move into fantasy for a while, but the violence in it makes our thoughts more anxious/dark. Or, maybe we hoard objects because we can’t let go of memories associated with them (the thought that if we let go of that object we will forget that person), or we think we might someday need the thing, but in fact it adds a lot of clutter and chaos to our space (mental and physical space). Go ahead and call to mind something. And now, just imagine what it would be like to be liberated from that attachment. You don’t have to figure out how, in this moment, but just imagine getting to the place where you no longer believe you need it to be happy. Try on the phrase, ”what if I no longer need this to be happy/content?” You can imagine walking around with a heavy boot on one leg thinking you need it to be able to walk and now you get to take that boot off and realize that you don’t need it to walk. You don’t need it to be happy. How does it feel in your body just trying it on -- to let yourself be free? How would life feel different? 

Then comes the work of letting go, which often takes time, but as we become more and more honest with ourselves and as we become kinder to ourselves we will move in that direction because there is ultimately less suffering there. I was thinking about the big shifts I made in my life and, every time, my body was asking me to make a shift that was kinder toward myself -- the stress of whatever I was doing was clear and I chose to listen. Even letting people go, no matter how painful, was an act of kindness. They were hard shifts, painful at times, but they brought relief in time and more aliveness, not less. We have to not want to suffer. The 4th Noble truth is the path out of suffering. There is a path. We can trust in the path of living a mindful life.

Jean

P.S. Interested in working more with "letting go?" Join me in March for a two part workshop.

Are You Allowed To Be Happy?

 

Dear Friends,
 

We do an exercise in my groups where we lay out before us what is weighing on us, what keeps us from feeling okay. In the past couple of weeks, I've had the delight of not having much to lay out. It leaves me asking, why then is it so hard to allow myself to enjoy this happiness? Certainly with the world facing so many issues, it’s not as though there aren’t things to be concerned about. But in my personal life, I can’t say any major things are dragging on me right now. Yes, our dryer is broken, the dishwasher is broken, my car tire needs air (again), I have mood swinging teenagers (enough said), but I don’t count those as heavy weights. I’m aware that this time is a gift I could enjoy. I am also aware that it will change. Why not, while things are flowing, just enjoy the flow? Why is it so hard to relax even when the conditions are saying, “yes, you can?”

I know I am not alone in this difficulty of allowing myself to rest in the peacefulness of a moment, whether it's an hour, a week, a month, or a season of life. For some it’s the feeling of anticipating when the other shoe will drop and so there’s no letting one’s guard down. That’s not it for me. I know a shoe will drop at some point and I’m not anxious about it. It’s more a feeling that I must not be doing something that I “should” be doing, not working hard enough. More simply put, that I am not enough. I can't possibly deserve to feel this good (as if we need to deserve it at all!). That’s both funny and sad at the same time. 

Sunday night, while millions of people were watching the Super Bowl, 10 of us were meditating and listening to the words of Teacher Thich Nhat Hanh on the subject of getting hooked on some idea of happiness. The notion that I’ll be happy when______ (this issue is resolved; when winter is over; when that project is behind me; when my back stops hurting; when this relationship is better; when my kitchen is renovated; when I move; when that president is out of office; when I make more money; when I know my kids are turning out alright…the list goes on. And that’s because it does always go on. It’s just an illusion that our happiness is tied to something. The issue lies in our human inclination toward craving and desire. We don’t have to make it a bad thing either. It just is. The awareness is what matters. “Oh, I am believing that if only ______, then I’ll be okay.” The awareness helps us step back from it and see more broadly. From here, rather than try to fix it or judge ourselves for falling for the illusion, we can access compassion for this human struggle that everyone, everywhere contends with. To be caught in a web is hard.

Thich Nhat Hanh would say that “happiness is found in the present moment.” To understand this, we have to know how to let go. To let go of our perceptions of how things should be so that we can open up our narrowed vision to see more of what’s actually here. To let go of the past and the future so we don't miss the beauty present right now. Letting go is not easy, but it is the key to our happiness.

If I were to let go of thinking that there is something more I need to be and that this moment of happiness is my true home, not a place I get to visit, but the place I can continually abide, a great wave of ease washes over me. 

Wishing you moments of allowing yourself to be content and, dare I say, happy, joyful, peaceful. We all have that capacity and we are all worthy of feeling it. It is the way to change the world for the better. After all, how can unhappy, anxious people make a joyful, generous, loving, free world? The best gift we can give is our happiness, our being content, at peace, at ease.

💖
Jean

P.S. I’ve got a workshop on letting go coming up in March. If you are not in A Mindful Life (we will be covering it in this segment), please join me for an exploration on a subject which is at the core of our happiness and one we will approach with care. More coming soon!

Come As You Are

I've been sharing this simple line in my meditations and find it to be such a powerful notion that I wanted to bring more attention to it. I welcome you to try it on and see if it brings you the relief it brings me.

Whenever we are in the present moment there is nothing more we need to be. Why is that? In the present moment we are only experiencing that moment. Thoughts don't apply; there's only sensation (seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, touching, moving, feeling). There's only experience. In that way, concepts like I am not good enough, smart enough, funny enough, productive enough, creative enough, successful enough don't enter. If we are in the present moment we have everything we need to be there because we are there. When we experience our breath, which is happening in the present moment or when we come back to hearing sounds, seeing, or sensing, we are whole enough or else we wouldn't be able to be there! 

If I am thinking about the future, what I have to do, want to do, should do, often the feeling is that I need/want something more. Or, if I am ruminating about the past, I am likely thinking about what I or someone else did or didn't say or do. These are all fine and of course we go to these places, regularly, but we can always choose to come back to the present moment where nothing more is needed. What a relief! "It's just like this right now and I am just like this right now." In the present moment there is no fear. There's only experience. The experience is like this and by the time we name it, it is already gone.

Of course, we can't always stay right here sensing or feeling. We need to plan and reflect as part of life, but if we find ourselves in those places more than we are in the present, we miss what's here. We can train ourselves to recognize that we are doing this ( the gift of awareness meditation brings) and we realize that we can come back anytime. We can be reminded that we are just as we need to be to be here. That can be such a gift to the part of us who is always striving, rushing in to fix, or thinking happiness is somewhere in the future where we have something we don't have now.

May you all have a week with many reminders that you can come back to the present where you are all you need to be. The present moment has  a welcome sign that says, "Come As You Are."

❤️❄️
Jean

February Food For Thought

The first month of the year has come to a close. I don't usually do this, but because I started this year with the motto "be bravely in your life in 2022," I am being a bit more intentional in what seeds I am watering, taking one month at a time. It's a nice time to pause and reflect on what was "good" in those first few weeks of the year. And when I say "good," I mean all the moments/events/actions that brought connection, ease, love, joy, space, freedom, letting go, rest, nourishment, meaning/purpose, inspiration, growth etc. There's usually a lot more than we realize, even with hardship mixed in, but we have to consciously stop to notice.

Would you stop with me now and write down all of what positively came to you in January? Make a list and next to each one, write down what it brought you. My list had these words: excitement, joy, relief, ease, hope, purpose, possibility, presence, inspiration, awakening.

No matter what happened in January, now we can lean in again and start again in February. You might ask?

What would I most like to let go of this month?
What would I most like to nourish in myself?
What would I most like to give this month (give with joy)?

Lastly, I'd like to offer this food for thought...

Over the past couple of weeks, in A Mindful Life, we have been exploring two notions: 1) that we are all inherently powerful (and because of this we need mindfulness!) and 2) in seeing where we place negative assessments (on ourselves, others, situations) we explored what it is like to remove concepts like right/wrong and good/bad. In the second exercise we called up an experience that we have judged negatively and tried it on again, but without that lens.

From a facilitator's view, back to back, these exercises seem like they bring us to opposite ends -– feeling powerful vs. the feeling the shame that comes with judgement. They have been rich conversations. I welcome you to listen to this week's talk on being powerful and see what comes for you in recognizing it (tip...it may require letting go of judging the word "powerful"). You might start to notice when you feel powerful and when you don't and what makes the difference. (I'm referring to an inner sense of being powerful, not power over others). 2) You might try on a situation from your past where you have judged yourself and see what happens if you let go of the idea that "what I did was right/wrong, good/bad" and see what comes instead. What emerges when you drop your thoughts about what you did and just feel what went on and sense through the lens of experiencing. Compassion is a lot more likely to emerge from that place, but please let me know what you discover.


Wishing you all an inspired week in the depths of winter.
💙❄️
Jean

P.S. Interested in meditation, as well as the topics we dive into? Reach out if you want to discuss joining A Mindful Life in the next segment. Segments roll around and begin again every 8 weeks or so. And the next Morning of Mindfulness is coming up on February 12th. Space is limited, so register today.

The Gifts of a Great Teacher

A few days ago beloved teacher Thich Nhat Hanh continued on. I was one of millions of people whose lives he quietly changed. As I write that, it sounds too significant. After all, I didn't know him personally. I was just one in a crowd. Could someone we don't know intimately really have that effect? Apparently so, because when I think about who I would be if I hadn't learned from him, his monks and nuns, lay teachers, and sangha members starting in my early twenties, I wouldn't be who I am. I likely wouldn't be here writing to you.

You have been hearing his words mixed into mine in these weekly emails, in my guided meditations and talks. For 25 years I have been absorbing his words and trying on what he taught. I can’t really separate his words from mine anymore. Those retreats I had the good fortune of going on in my twenties changed my life even if I didn’t realize it at the time. When I think of the concepts I most learned from him that I have always felt dedicated to passing on, they are the concepts of:

• Stopping and enjoying all of the beauty around us, even when there is suffering present.

• How to "take care of our suffering" and not run away from our suffering.

• Washing the dishes to wash the dishes, walk to walk, etc. Though I may not always do this, I hear his reminder all the time.

• The profound way he teaches about no birth and no death and the freedom that comes when we have this understanding.

• Teachings on mindful consumption and the idea of being mindful of the "seeds we water."

• His teachings on mindful speaking and listening

• The beautiful metaphors he would use to describe Inter-being. How we can see the tree, sun, rain, the logger in a piece of paper; how we can see the cloud in us. 

• His emphasis on the importance of nurturing a mindful community.

• Letting go of concepts (right/wrong, good/bad, death/no death).

• His stretching our ideas on compassion and our non-separation. His poem Please Call Me by My True Name captures it most poignantly where he asks us to consider that we are both the frog and the snake that eats the frog.  He invites us to awaken our compassion and understanding.

• His emphasis on taking care of the earth understanding that we are not separate from the earth.

• The idea that if we stay calm amidst confusion we can have a calming impact on everyone around us.

• His approach to mindfulness in everyday life. More than anything, for me, this is what made his teachings so different.  He asked us to practice not to become good meditators, but so that we can bring mindfulness into our everyday actions. 

Over the past few days, I feel my practice has deepened. Pausing to deeply acknowledge what I learned from Thay is something that I neglected to do at the depth that I am now. Maybe it is because he is gone in this form that it feels like my responsibility to get clear on where I come from when I facilitate and teach. I feel more clarity than I ever have. Thank you, Thich Nhat Hanh.

All of this has me thinking about why pausing to honor the teachers in our lives is so important. We consume what they share and it shapes us. We then pass it on. It is significant. To pause in gratitude is a way of saying, "your actions have mattered to me. Thank you fo what you have awoken in me."

What makes a teacher is not their status, their degrees, or even their knowledge. A teacher can be younger than us or older. A teacher can enter our lives just for a moment as our paths cross. A teacher is not a perfect being. A teacher is someone or something who shifts our perspective, who awakens something inside of us, who inspires possibility, awareness, positive movement. A teacher is someone who helps us to clearly see the beauty inside ourselves and how it is always there, connected to everything.

My invitation this week is to ask yourself, "who are my teachers?" To recognize someone as a teacher requires humbleness. It requires us to put aside our egos and to admit that there are things that we learned from this person, things we did not yet know. And, If we are living openheartedly, we will always have teachers coming and going. Some will have profound effects, some will offer some smaller gifts that at first we might not see. All of them move us. And as Thay says, it is our action here (thoughts, words and actions) that are what we take with us.  So let's honor our teachers and their teachers. It is how we got to be here and how we will keep growing in love.

🙏

Jean